I met with my spiritual director on Monday for the first time since June. I was a bit self-conscious about the meeting. You see, I spent about 6 months in a spiritual formation intensive…the Ignatian Exercises. I’ve shared a bit about this before. The exercises require a lot of focus and energy. By the time I got to the end I was spent. I don’t think that I could have gone one week further.
I found myself in a dry and desolate place where the heavens were steel. I have lost all motivation to do anything. I was running. No more. I was writing. No more. My job has lost all appeal. I just don’t feel like doing anything.
When I went to meet with my director I felt like the high school kid who didn’t have his homework done. But, I couldn’t say that my dog ate my prayer time.
He told me that these kinds of feelings are not unusual for folks after they go through the exercises. They’re not expected. But, not unusual.
He was incredibly understanding and non-judgmental.
The encouragement he offered was helpful. Take time to breathe. Realize that God is not absent. I agreed with that. Even though I haven’t been actively spending time in so-called ‘prayer,’ I have experienced God’s presence. I realize that regardless of my condition, God is present.
So, this is kind of a response to his encouragement. Here I am….writing.