Month: December 2018

2018 – A Reflection

Published by mhelbert on December 31, 2018

Well, it’s that time again. You know, when everyone who has access to the internet shares their views on the year that is now closing. There will be pundits who go over every little bit of political detritus so that they can show everyone how politically astute they are. There will be others who will share with us all of the tech milestones that we have passed. The latest smartphone or Alexa type device will be hailed as the greatest development since the automatic bread slicer. Others will write about entertainment or sports happenings. They will want us to know who the movers and shakers of the industry were. And, they’ll tell us about all of the folks who began 2018 but didn’t survive to ring it out.

I’m not going to do any of that. No, I’m going to keep it personal. Not that my life this past year has been in any way newsworthy. It hasn’t. I am pretty sure, though, that any one who reads this, (maybe both of you!), will be able to relate. After all, none of us are entertainment or sports stars. We don’t hang out in the halls of government. Nor do we own the World Wide Web. I think that we’re all pretty much the same. Just regular folks trying to get by.

So, what happened…

Well, one thing that I don’t think that you can relate to is that as of yesterday I have been sober for one year. “What?” you ask. “You had a drinking problem?” Well, it depends on how you look at it. From where I was in 2017 I could say, “Problem? I drink, I get drunk, I fall asleep. See? No problem.” The truth, though, is that I do have a problem. So, going all through 2018 without imbibing is a pretty big deal.

Perhaps as a result of the first thing, I spent more time on personal fitness. After all, I’m getting to be an old fart. I already had one heart attack. I seriously don’t want a repeat of that. In fact, during June and July I averaged nearly 100 miles walking. I completed the equivalent of a half marathon twice. I slowed down a bit during August and September because of weather. Plus, I had other activities that helped keep me fit. I hope to continue working at this in 2019.

I spent more time writing in 2018 than in previous years. Some of you are aware that I completed NaNoWriMo in November. 50,000+ words in just under 30 days. I also completed that novel by the second week of December. And, I just started a second a couple days ago. Although, I’m under no time constraints with this one. Maybe, by spring I’ll have a first draft. I also decided to pick up the pace here a bit. Whether anyone reads these posts or not, I have continued to write and share. Hopefully, that’ll continue into the new year.

One of the more obscure things that I did was to confirm with a financial advisor that I will, in fact, be able to retire before I reach 70. That was welcome news. Although,that won’t become a reality until 2020, it is something to look forward to. I will never truly retire and become a snow bird traveling between the North and Florida. But, I will no longer be working for someone else.

The biggest accomplishment, though, is the fact that I made it through another year alive and fairly well. It has required an effort to accomplish this. The stuff I wrote above played a large part in making it. I am grateful to those who have had my back during this year, and previous ones. And, I’m learning how to let gratitude continue to grow.

Yeah, 2018 had some rough moments. But, overall I think that it lived well. Soon, that old guy, Father Time, will swing his sickle and all of those past moments will be reaped and stored into the barns of Eternity. From there we can access them, process the grain, and the memories can then sustain us as week walk into the unknown of 2019.

Blessings to you!

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Old Year; New Day

Published by mhelbert on December 30, 2018

Well, there’s one more day left in this ol’ year. Soon, the ball will drop and a brand, spankin’ new year will miraculously appear. But, I’ll have more to say about that tomorrow. Today I just want to reflect on a couple of things. Being a melancholy introvert will cause such reflection.

Today, while I sat quietly at my desk, letting the soft living light of candles illuminate me, I looked back over the last, (what’s it been?), sixty some odd years. Maybe reflecting like that is the prerogative of the old and the ‘well-on-their-way-to-being-old.’

I see in my backwards-looking crystal orb much to be glad and happy about. The fact that I’ve lived this long is one of them. There are, of course, the usual milestones that reveal happy moments. For those I am extremely glad. How bleak and barren life would have been without them.

But, then, there are the regrets. Now, I know all of the cliches that people like to toss around when the topic of regret is brought up. I know that there is a lot of truth in those sayings. There is a lot of truth in the pain of regret, also. It’s a real thing and will not be denied its pound of flesh.

Why, for instance, didn’t I follow my heart? There are so many stories out there about “being true to yourself,” or “follow your dreams,” or “let the desire of your heart lead you.”

Fairy tales.

That’s not how life is lived in the “real world.”

In the real world you need to “toe the line”; “keep your nose to the grindstone”; “don’t make waves.” You must be responsible and sensible. Get a job! Find someone good to marry. Raise a family.

And, I have to say, all of those can be good things. Very good things.

But, are the Fairy Tale world and the ‘Real’ world mutually exclusive?

The obvious answer is, of course, no they’re not. Many people live in both worlds very successfully.

Many don’t, though.

And, for those there are regrets.

At this time, when the old year wanes, is a good time to reflect. To assess the course steered through the years. As I stand on the bridge of the ship and look back at the wake thrown by it, I see a crazy zigging and zagging. A true ship’s captain would have followed a course that would have created a ruler straight wake.

But, that’s not my way. Never has been.

What of the future?

Ah, that!

Well, no time of reflection is complete without considering hope. Is there hope in tomorrow?

Yes!

There must be. Else, why continue on?

I have hope that the time lost may be redeemed. Somehow. In days past I would have added “God willing.” I no longer trust that. I wasted too much time waiting for God to be willing. Now, I say, “Yeah! If I can pull my head out of my arse and DO SOMETHING!”

I, just like you, was born with certain abilities and talents. I spent too many years squandering mine. Perhaps, tomorrow, or in the New Year, I’ll actually employ those things. So, yeah, there is hope.

And, just maybe we can all look toward what is to come with a firm will and eyes shining in the light of a new day.

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It’s Not Always Light

Published by mhelbert on December 29, 2018

God? You there? It’s just me again. I was wondering if, maybe, we could chat a bit?

You know that this year, 2018, is just about spent. Soon 2019 will be kick starting. Hopefully, it’ll start without too much of a backfire. A great belch that would be appropriate, I guess, with the parties and such happening.

But, what’s there to look forward to? I mean, it looks pretty much the same as the old year. Right?

“Same as it ever was; same as it ever was.”

Didn’t that writer, Qoheleth, write something like that way back in the B(efore) C(herrios)? There is nothing new under the sun. All is vanity.

“Same as it ever was.”

Is that really how it is, though?

People say that something new actually did happen once. (In a dream? In a parallel universe?) A Child was born who grew up to change the world. What was his name again? Oh, yeah, Jesus son of Joseph. Things weren’t the same as they ever were.

But, did it mean anything, God? Say true now, did that man child’s life really change anything? Anything at all? Actually, from here it sometimes looks as though he had never been born. People are the same as they ever were.

Greed; Fear; Hatred.

These have raged on unabated. Nothing has hindered them in the least!

They linger like Smog over LA in the 70s stinging eyes and burning lungs. Hearts fail.

How Long, O Lord? How Long?

Still, there are places where a cool wind flows over the landscape like clear water flows over the rocks in the bed of a mountain stream. Like pinpricks of light in the heavens these tiny swirls of Spirit’s Breath stir the smog and reveal small patches of green where seeds that were hidden in the soft loam strive upward. The sudden warmth of the Sun racing through the break in the smog touches the fragile life within the seedling urging it heavenward. The green stem reaching, hoping to bloom and blossom. Fresh, new scents fill the void left by the dispersing stench of the smog.

Fresh.

Live giving.

But, God? There are too few of these places. Greed, Fear, and Hatred overwhelm them before the fragrance of these precious blossoms can work their healing magic. The weight of them is far too great for the Lightness of the Breath!

We need more than a simple exhalation of Breath. A Hurricane! A Mighty, Rushing Wind that can displace and destroy those powers. Rain to wash the soot and stench away forever!

God replied, “But, you are the Breath.”

I’m sorry, God. That’s no help. I don’t see any hope in that. Where is the plus side?

“Same as it ever was.”

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The Image of God

Published by mhelbert on December 28, 2018

Image from http://www.messagetoeagle.com/astronomers-probe-the-cosmic-web-of-the-universe/

God, Almighty Creator, seated in the Heavenlies on Your Throne! All Powerful, Ever Present, All Knowing!
This is the image that most Christian sects share somewhere in their core beliefs. These are images that help followers grasp the enormity of God. For, as they also teach, God is Infinite, Eternal, Alpha and Omega, First and Last. These words describe how impossible it really is us to wrap our finite, human brains around any concept of the Divine.
In fact, it is so impossible that the Ten Commandments, the Decalogue, states clearly that we humans are not to even attempt to imagine God in any physical form. It seems that God was pretty serious about that.
Of course, we didn’t pay much attention to that.
Yesterday, my wife and I spent a couple of hours at the Cleveland Museum of Art. (What a great resource! But, that’s another story.) One thing that was abundantly clear was that artists throughout history have tried to imagine the image of God! Canvas and paint; carved wood, alabaster, and other stone; precious metals and gems. We saw images of God the Father looking down from the sky. There was one where the Holy Spirit was painted as a giant dove whose wings appeared to be proceeding from the mouths of Father and Son. I even saw one rendering of the Holy Spirit that looked more like an over-fed pigeon from Central Park in New York City made of silver. These were offered by various artists to render God, to usher the Divine into the non-Divine. And, no one seems to mind. There were wars fought over images and icons. “It’s ok to make these images. Just so long as we don’t “worship” them.
I considered this today in the quiet of my office, candles burning casting a gentle, living light.
What image might I use to describe God? How might the divine be understood by mere flesh and blood?
As I sat silently in God’s presence I saw an image.
I saw what many scientists think the Universe looks like. It reveals a vast network of light. Clusters of stars and nebulae connected to each other by “threads” made of the same stuff. In between there is Dark Matter and Dark Energy, (not all is light). Nebulae, dust, stars, comets, Black Holes, debris of every king, light, dark … All of it. Every creature, plant, and rock. The very particles of light and every wave of energy.
GOD.
I AM.
I AM BECOMING.
Near us.
Within us.
Yet…
Not us.
Entirely, “Other.”
This is what God ‘looks’ like!
Yet, even this is not quite right. Is it?
We tend to see God by way of negation.
God is not there.God is not present with “Them.”
God is not, cannot be, this or that.
I call bullshit on that.
God is not a negation; a non-presence. God is a lively, vital Presence! God is a resounding YES! It may be said that God penetrates into the very essence of the Universe and reaches beyond both time and space.
That, my friends, is entirely Inclusive.
Make no mistake, I think that there is definitely a difference between God and Not God; Creator and created; Divine and Non-Divine. Yet, they cannot be separated.
I have no idea how any of this works. So, please don’t ask. I’m not God; not Divine. I’m just a clump of dust that somehow contains the essence of the Divine. A spark of that live-giving energy that resides within molded clay.
May I be a clay lamp rather than a clay pot.

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The Wheel

Published by mhelbert on December 27, 2018

Wheel turns inexorably onward.
Where does it lead?
Nowhere.
Turning, it turns within another…larger.
Others attach and spin faster and faster.
Yet, going nowhere.
Only round and round and round she goes!
Where she stops, nobody knows!

Hands on a face.
Covering tears.
Hiding zits.
Put away shame.
Yet, the wheel turns inexorably onward.

Why do they call them hands?
They look more like spears.
Weapons in the hands of the wheels.
But, the wheels have no hands.

Grow; Age; Rot…
What if the turning stopped?
Would that keep the rot away?
Would the rot rot?

Wheels in the sky keep turning.
When to sow; when to reap.
When to fertilize the seed.

The wheel begins another turn.

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The Day After Christmas…

Published by mhelbert on December 26, 2018

Well, we made it. Another Christmas holiday in the books. The hustle and the bustle have hustled and bustled stage left. They’ll be kept in storage and refurbished for next year. No more Mariah Carey’s requesting “All I Want for Christmas is You.” Drum and fife, “Pat a Pan,” cleaned and put into their cases. Soon, the trees and decorations in our homes will also be returned to their own storage boxes and shelves. We’ll clean up the glitter and finish eating the cookies and candy. Those stockings that were hung by the chimney with care have been emptied of the goodies that Old St. Nick filled them with.

The build up to the holiday was, for many, fraught with anxiety and stress. Yesterday was the culmination of all of that nervous energy. Now, the pressure has been released and we can get back to normal life. “Survived again!”

For others the slow rise toward Christmas was a journey in growing awe and wonder. Every gift made or purchased. Every card received or sent. Every snowflake falling from a slate, gray sky. All part of the mystery and holiness of the season.

Christmas has always been a dreaded thing. Too much stuff to pack into one month. Too many unreasonable expectations. Seasonal Affective Disorder doesn’t help much, either. But this year it was different. The anxiety level was good. Yeah, there were moments when it felt as though the roof might cave in. Thankfully, those moments were few and far between. For those who know me, this was a Christmas miracle!

For me, too.

What was different this year? I was on vacation from work. However, I take this time off every year. I had all shopping and wrapping done almost a week early. That’s a first! I’m usually ‘wrapping’ that up on Christmas day! Maybe that helped a bit. I wasn’t rushed right up to the last minute. I don’t think that alone could bring about a change in attitude like I experienced.

It could be that this was the first Christmas in I don’t know how many years that I spent completely sober. It’s been nearly 12 months since I had anything at all to drink. That may have been fruit that has grown. I don’t think that was at the root of things this year.

No, I think that this year I took time to reflect on things. I awoke each day and took time to sit before my God in silence. I found something in that time that I hadn’t seen too much of before. It was Grace and Presence that evoked Thanks in me. Yeah, I think that was the difference this year. I found a way to express gratitude. Not just to God. But, gratitude for the people around me. Hey, we were all going through this together, weren’t we? So, I was thankful for companions on the way. We’ve shared struggles and dashed hopes, for sure. We also had times of triumph and dreams realized.

This year it wasn’t Me Against the World. And, I am thankful for that. It was Us walking the path together.

I include all of You in that “Us.”

So, thank you. May you be blessed now, and as we rush toward the flip of another calendar page.

Thank you!

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Published by mhelbert on December 25, 2018

The song says that this is the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year!”
I really want to believe that.
But, it’s so bloody hard.
It’s not hard because of all the chaos and turmoil that is churning around the globe.
Politics and the economy effect people, for sure. And, unless you’re part of the 1%, the effect
isn’t necessarily good.
Then there are the wars and famines and stuff. Those things are never good
Families break up, (or, are broken up by the aforementioned war and stuff).
The news carries stories of robbery, rape, murder, fires, floods, etc. that destroy people
and all of their hopes and dreams.
No, these aren’t the things that make this time of the year a tad less than “Wonderful.”
I think that there’s a presumption out there that because of an event 2,000 years ago we
are somehow special. We are made in the image and likeness of some Creator God that
has chosen us to stand on the necks of others. The perceptions that we, at least in the West,
have of ourselves is that we are ‘exceptional.’
But, are we…really?
There’s another story that’s told this time of year. One that may truly be exceptional. A story that was told a very long time ago. A story that should show us what it means to be human in this world. This story talks about vulnerability and danger. There is action and escape. More importantly, though, I think that the story reveals God’s heart in a way that all of the “Thou Shalt Not” commands can never possibly show.
So, let’s take a look, shall we?
“In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register.
So Joseph also went up form the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
‘Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.’
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, ‘Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.’
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby , who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.”
Take a few minutes. Read it again. Chew on it.
Where are all of the ‘exceptional’ people? You know, the ones with money, prestige, and power. Where are the governments who wage war on other nations? And, their own people. Where is Wall Street, Madison Ave., and all of the other centers of economic power?
I don’t see them. Do you?
I only see a family in a backwater town in an occupied country trying to get by.
So, how is it that so many of us simply don’t get it? We go about life day by day without a care or a clue. “We’re special!” we tell ourselves.
Are we?
No, I think not.
That family in the story was special. As are all of the other families just like them throughout the world.
This is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

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Magnificat – The Song of Mary

Published by mhelbert on December 24, 2018

I really wish that there was an image of Mary with a fist raised in defiance. Something to really illustrate the strength of that young woman.

Yesterday at church we used the Song of Mary, or the Magnificat, for a responsive reading. During the sermon our Priest asked us to read it again. Then, he challenged us to take our bulletins home and spend some time reflecting on these words of Jesus’ mother.
Before that challenge, though, he shared some background for the song. He did this, of course, to color our own meditation on it. Well, that is his job; to guide and instruct.
He helped us to understand that at the time Mary was pregnant with Jesus, she was extremely vulnerable.
She was a young woman, probably a teenager.
She was not married. (At least officially.)
She was not well to do. (It was implied in the text that she came from a poor family.)
All of these are what we would call ‘risk factors.’ Any one of which could be life threatening. All of them together? She was in real peril for her life. At the very least, she could be cut off from her people. Her family, friends…her God. And, at worst? The Law of God stated that someone who had committed adultery should be taken outside the town and stoned to death.
And, yet, when God’s messenger came to tell her that God had taken notice of her and desired that she would be the conduit through whom the salvation of her people would arrive, well, her response was epic.
“Behold, the servant of the Lord. According to your word, may it be come to me.”
Wow! Stop to consider that for a minute. A stranger just showed up in Mary’s room and informed her that God thought it would be a great idea if she became pregnant. Right! But wait! There’s more! The child that would be conceived would be called “the Son of the Most High!” Mary, a young woman from a backwater town, who had nothing to offer anyone, let alone God, offered all that she could. Herself.
She knew the risks. She understood consent.
She still gave.
So, when the story tells of her arrival at her cousin, Elizabeth’s home, and Liz’s own child leaps within her because of the child that is growing within Mary, Mary’s own joy cannot be held.
In the face of all of the powers that be who would condemn her for getting pregnant and those who would throw the Law at her, she stood in defiance and gave the praise and glory to the One Who had performed this great act of power.
With that in mind, her is Mary’s Song. Read it. Reflect on it.*
“My soul praises the greatness of the Lord!
And, my spirit rejoiced in God my Savior!
For, He has noticed the lowliness of His servant.
For, Behold! From this time all generations will consider me blessed!
For the Mighty One has done great things to me.
And, His name is Holy!
His mercy is to generations and generations of those who revere Him.
He has performed mighty deeds with His powerful arm,
He scattered the arrogant intent of their heart.
He tore down the powerful from their thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
Those who hunger He satisfied with good things,
And, the rich he sent away empty.
He has come to the aid of His child, Israel,
To remember mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers; to Abraham and his descendants into Eternity.”
*(Translation mine.)
May you have a truly blessed holiday!
And, take a minute to remember a strong, young woman whose own humility before
her God made this all possible.

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On the Eve of Christmas Eve

Published by mhelbert on December 23, 2018

It’s almost Christmas day. Schedules are hectic with trying to get all of the wrapping and baking and preparations finished. So, I may not publish new posts everyday this week.
Today, I’m reposting one I wrote last year.
I think it’s still pretty relevant.

As those of us who celebrate Christmas prepare for the Big Day on Wednesday, I have a reminder for us all.
There is more Reason for this Season than many of us consider while we’re buying and wrapping and decorating and cooking and singing all in preparation for our Christmassing.
Let me share a bit from an old story…..
“It was a long night, if it were only a night; but Scrooge had his doubts of this, because the Christmas Holidays appeared to be condensed into the space of time they passed together. It was strange, too, that while Scrooge remained unaltered in his outward form, the Ghost grew older, clearly older. Scrooge had observed this change, but never spoke of it, until they left a children’s Twelfth Night party, when, looking at the Spirit as they stood together in an open place, he noticed that its hair was grey.
‘Are spirits; lives so short?’ asked Scrooge.
‘My life upon this globe, is very brief,’ replied the Ghost. ‘It ends to-night.’
‘To-night!’ cried Scrooge.
‘To-night at midnight. Hark! The time is drawing near.’
The chimes were ringing the three quarters past eleven at that moment.
‘Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,’ said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit’s robe, ‘but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?’
‘It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it,’ was the Spirit’s sorrowful reply. ‘Look here.’
From the foldings of its robe, it brought two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.
‘Oh, Man! Look here. Look, look, down here!’ exclaimed the Ghost.
They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meager, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.
Scrooge started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude.
‘Spirit! Are they yours?’ Scrooge could say no more.
‘They are Man’s,’ said the Spirit, looking down upon them. ‘And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!’ cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. ‘Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And abide the end!’
‘Have they no refuge or resource?’ cried Scrooge.
‘Are there no prisons?’ said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. ‘Are there no workhouses?’
The bell struck twelve.

[Dickens, Charles. Stories for Christmas. Platinum Press Inc. New York, 1999. Pp. 72-74.]”

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Jesus Never Ate Chocolate

Published by mhelbert on December 22, 2018

When I was on Facebook, twitter, and tumblr I would share from time to time links to blogs and articles that I thought might interest my friends and followers. I still think it’s a good thing to share the thoughts of others.

So, here is a link to a blogpost by Rabbi Rachel Barenblat. I’ve followed her blog at the Velveteen Rabbi for a while. She is a kindred spirit whom I appreciate very much.

Please take a minute to read and reflect on her poem.

Jesus Never Ate Chocolate

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