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Author: mhelbert

Nuthin’ to Say. It’s Friday.

Published by mhelbert on May 2, 2025

I don’t have anything particular to write about today.

I just feel like writing.
Sometimes we don’t need a reason to do something.

Like going for a walk in the woods.
Yeah, we can say that we need the exercise.

That some fresh air will do us some good.
But, it’s just the time we take to walk that’s important.
Or, maybe it’s just a matter of killing some time.

Lord knows that I’ve shot my share of seconds and minutes over seven decades of walking on the surface of the Big, Blue Ball.


Those times when ya just sit on your butt in front of the LED screen. (What used to be the “tube”).
Or, maybe wander aimlessly through a good book.

Soaking up the life of imaginary characters in an imaginary world.

I don’t know about y’all, but my bookshelves are chock full of hours of my time.
But, really, what better way to waste time?

Ok, playing guitar is up there as well.

The countless scales and chops that have exercised my fingers and my mind.

Where have all of those notes gone?

Vapor. Smoke. Gone.

Or, are they?

Perhaps their resonance is still being felt and heard by some flock of Puffins somewhere.
Maybe the waves of sound have bounced and ricocheted through the clouds and found their way into the oceans where they confuse the dolphins and whales.

Can you imagine the solo from Kid Charlemagne guiding a pod of orcas

It would be fun to see them dancing among the waves!
Right now I’m wasting my time at this keyboard.

The one safe place that my own thoughts can dance like those orcas.

I have nothing to say of any import.

I just like the sound of the keys clicking under the weight of my fingers; under the weight of my mind.

Isn’t it amazing how our species has reduced communication to such media?

From the chicken scratches of cuneiform to the simple 24 characters that we English speakers use to form the mist of ideas into the clay of language.

Look at us grow!
Is it growth?

Has the reduction of our thoughts and stories to characters arranged in a certain order truly been the cultural boon that so many post-moderns think it is?

I think of the oral traditions that once carried our culture and our lives from one generation to the next.

I try to imagine the relationships that were once held sacred as a storyteller told of the ancestors’ wisdom.

How the people looked into the eyes and the hearts of each other. Is our way truly so advanced? I don’t know.

The connections that language create between people seem to have been sloughed off as some archaic relic that we no longer need.
I don’t know.

I’m just rambling here because I can.

Right now I’d rather waste my time typing away than watching Andrew Zimmern prattle on about some “Delicious Destination.”

Soon I have to get ready to go to work

A different kind of wasting time.

A waste, nonetheless.
Someone’s gotta slice the bread and pack the cookies so that privileged white people can have their goodies.
Fun. Well, not really.
It is what it is. And, the clock hands keep spinning, spinning, spinning.

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What in the World?! Politics!

Published by mhelbert on April 30, 2025 
Politics. That thing that we’ve been told should never be discussed at Thanksgiving. That tool of governance used to dig up and till the soil of the electorate in order for this or that political whatever to plant its seeds of thought. Then, hoping that a constituent plant will grow and bear fruit.
According to the politicians, politics is what makes the world go round. They want everyone to believe that; to believe them.
And, we do! We place our faith and trust in whatever politics makes us feel good about ourselves. Whatever position allows us to feel safe and secure. So, we put up banners and lawn signs. We go to rallies and town halls to support what we think is good and right and proper for us and for everyone else. Then, after a time, we realize that those we support can’t come through on what they promised. Disillusionment. So, we modify our expectations and seek other people and policies that we can support.
And, the circle goes round and round and round and……..
As a follower of Christ I have a rather complicated relationship with politics. I’ve heard many say that if we truly believe and accept what’s written in the Bible we must be apolitical. After all Jesus never talked about politics. In fact, He stayed out of the politics of His day. He never railed against the Romans. He was not a vocal opponent about how the Jewish people should be governed. Yeah, He took issue with the abuses that the religious leaders poured on people. But, actual governance? No. He told His disciples that while they may live in this world, they were not part of it. The world in which they lived was a heavenly world where stuff about food and clothing were not to be worried about. Didn’t God provide for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field? Such a vision of utopia! A world without cares and worries! That’s what many think that Jesus was talking about.
But…….
That’s not our reality, is it? Nope. We live in a world where politics force us to act. Where we have responsibilities to do whatever we can to keep ourselves and our families safe and secure. We all gotta join the fray to keep our heads above water. Most of all, we gotta try to make sense of the chaos that our leaders create every day. I am pointing directly at the situation that we live in right now. Washington is nuts. There are so many voices coming from there that it’s hard to discern one from the other. The cacophony rising from the halls of political power is deafening. It hurts my ears. There is little sense being made by those we entrust with our well-being. While that discord and confusion seems unique, it’s not. Every political group and government has stirred up its own version of suspicion and mistrust. EVERY SINGLE ONE!!! Yeah, we do live in a tumultuous time. I talk with a lot of folks who live in fear of what tomorrow may bring. Will our rights completely disappear into fascist totalitarianism? Will our 401(k) survive the confusion? What about those of us who receive Social Security? Not to mention book bans and cultural genocide! “There’s too much!”, they say as tears flow and folks find themselves shaking in fear.
I wrestle with how to respond to the fear and anger that so many of my friends and fellow Christians feel. There seems to be no bridging the chasm between what the world demand and what Jesus seems to say. Trees have been felled in order to make the paper that folks and scholars use to argued about politics and the Church. To what end? (Spoiler alert : none. None at all.) Yet we keep jabbering on about how this view is right; that view is not. In fact, that view is likely sinful and dangerous. What view is that? Doesn’t matter. Whatever view is different from whomever is speaking. Amiright?
So, how do we respond? As leaders in the church we must respond. I recently read that a leader’s job in these chaotic times is to attempt to try and help people live and flourish where living and flourishing seem distant and impossible. So, what response can we make? There are a couple of ways, I think. Not everyone can accept them. I, myself, have a hard time wrapping my head around how to respond. But, one thing that I know with certainty, God’s world is not a world of confusion and discord. God’s world is where peace is reality. The question is, how in God’s Name do we get there? If we do, somehow, find our way, how should we live in such a place?
Please understand that I’m not one of those religious folks who advocate separation from real life. You know, those who move to the wilderness to escape the corruption that they say plagues our nation and our world. Nor am I one of the new monastics who, while living in the world, choose to cloister themselves and develop their own ways. They go to “christian” stores and theaters and schools. Their desire is not to be counter-culture, but to build a separate culture that builds barriers against the ‘forces of evil’ that rule the outside world. These are real reactions that many use to deal with, and insulate themselves from, the chaos and uncertainty of today’s world. In some ways I can’t fault them. However, this lifestyle is not the lifestyle that I see in the Scriptures nor in the Fathers nor in the Church.
If I was asked my opinion on such things I’d have to start with the fact that everything in Scripture was written by and to real people in the real world. Folks trying to get by on what they knew about life and God. Then, I would have to tell anyone who was bored enough to listen that God, Godself, did not just sit by twiddling His thumbs watching corruption and death have their way. God never said, “Oh well, that’s none of my business. Please pass a croissant.” No! In the face of injustice and cruelty God acted decisively. He sent Messiah Jesus to put an end to the power that the world and the world’s systems held over the entire world. If God was willing to act, so should we who say that we are followers of God in Messiah Jesus.
What would this action look like? Sorry, I don’t have a comprehensive list to give you. There are lots of lawful ways to stand against injustice and corruption. In the U.S. we can vote our conscience. Some Christian don’t because, again, that separatist thing. To that kind of thinking I call BS. We absolutely should vote and participate in the democratic process. Not everyone in the world has such a choice. Don’t squander it! We can protest and march. I march and take part in Pride activities as a matter of conscience. We can write to and engage elected officials at town halls to speak about our ideas and feelings regarding various legislation. These things and others are ways that we can give voice to the voiceless and strive for justice in our world.Actions are great. We should feel comfortable with them.
What about our peace? I mentioned that many are suffering anxiety and fear these days. This is an issue that’s not easily dealt with. I feel that it can truly be addressed by the Good Grace of God through the Holy Spirit. Peace in the knowledge that what we experience in the world is not necessarily our true reality. I’m talking to followers of Messiah now. Our reality is in the world of God’s Good Presence. Jesus told Pilate that His kingdom was not of this world. That’s true. We who walk in the Way of Messiah know this. God is our Way. We own our lives in this world and are not owned by it. Speaking for myself, my peace does not depend on what the latest executive order is. My serenity is not broken by the roller coaster of Wall St. I see things as they are, not how they appear. I’m clear eyed to help the oppressed, the LGBTQ community, immigrants, and the homeless. If I am not under the circumstances, I can work to effect change on the circumstances. In a word, I am free. This is why Messiah lived, died, and was resurrected. That we might all be free from those powers that seem so driven to destroy us and others.
So, have hope! God is alive and well. We can be also.
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An Open Letter to J. K. Rowling

Published by mhelbert on April 24, 2025

Hello Joanne!
I have desired to write to you for many years. Ever since I read the first Harry Potter book. Admittedly, I was not part of the target audience. I was in my 50s. Still, I was hooked by the magical world that you created. I and my daughter, also an adult, waited with bated breath for each new episode as you wove strands magic from that Great River of Creativity that flows through the universe into a new magical world where the impossible becomes, not only possible, but reality. How could I not be captured by that? For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I also want to note your works of charity and benevolence. I was adopted at the age of 6 months. During extremely important first months I was in an institution. Of course, I don’t remember that. However, not having the love and nurture that a child requires during those months did leave its mark. Some things cannot be undone. I was fortunate. I was embraced by warm and caring people who were unable to conceive their own child. So, became the first of two blessed souls who would live with a new family name, a new history, and a new hope. I do hope and pray that Lumos continues to work and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Weaving together hope and unity in families is a truly noble work. Your conceiving Volant Charitable Trust is also a mark of your warm and caring heart. Those who are the most vulnerable and at risk need the support of people with means, like you. Thank you so very much for these and other works of benevolence that find their root and home in your heart.
I, like you, think that every child, every life, has a right to live, thrive, and find joy. Our lives on this planet truly are too short. To acknowledge and allow others who don’t have our privilege to continue in disadvantage is a grievous sin. That’s why we work to tirelessly to give these others hope. Isn’t it?
All of this leads me to scratch my head, Jo. (You don’t mind if I call you Jo, do you?) Yeah, scratching my head at your apparent lack of knowledge about humanity and the human condition. You seem to see many things that are good and necessary. But, only in part. Please, if you will indulge me for a moment. Perhaps I can explain.
We both read and accept the Holy Bible as Sacred Writ. The stories and tales that were written so many centuries ago still have a hold on our hearts and minds. They tell us of God’s relating to the Cosmos, in particular, humanity. I love the arch of God’s faithfulness to the World from the beginning of relationship through to the culmination in the life, death, and resurrection of Messiah Jesus. How wonderful is that? Truly a story of hope for all people.
Have you ever read Psalm 139? In that psalm are some of the most beautiful words ever written. The psalmist wrote,
“For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.”
Aren’t those words beautiful. They inspire awe at the Majesty and Goodness of our God. May His Name be Praised! The thought that God sees us as we are secretly formed in the darkness of the womb. That God Most High is Present as the knitting takes place creating from nothing a true work of art and beauty! Who can comprehend such a thing?
My daughter is an avid knitter. She concentrates on the task with the focus of a surgeon, fingers moving deftly. Each stitch given a purpose and place within the whole. It’s truly a joy to watch the magic happen as strands of yarn become a whole piece composed of countless thousands of such stitches. Sometimes, however, a stitch may be dropped. Or, perhaps, that ‘knit one; pearl two’ is transposed to ‘knit two, pearl one.” It happens. Or, maybe when one color gives way to another, this new color is added one stitch too soon or too late? That, too, happens.
How would that look in our psalmists view? A dropped stitch? Perhaps that would result in a child born with Downs Syndrome or cleft palate. Starting a color in the wrong place? A child born without a limb or a brain that never developed. Does that make that child any less a work of wonder? Have you ever looked into the face of a Downs child? Truly you are looking into the face of God! We cherish these folks. They are truly God’s Children. No less than you or me. I’m sure that you agree.
Did you know that there are children who are born truly androgynous? Born with two complete sets of genitals, one female, the other male? What happens to such a child? Well, usually the parents and doctor make a decision. They choose one gender over the other. But, what if they choose wrong? Will not that young girl grow up trapped in a body that is not hers? Is their no hope or respite for her? I’m sure that you can see the injustice of such a thing. Such a person, fearfully and wonderfully made must be able to sprout her wings and fly freely among the clouds!
But, Jo, what if that dropped stitch involved a persons heart and mind? What if the person is born with differences in the unseen realm? I’m quite sure that a person with a fertile imagination as you can visualize such a thing. Perhaps a different way that hormones work their magic on the development of the person could result in a person who has the character of a saint. Or, not. Could not such a fearfully and wonderfully made person be born whose affections are different than yours or mine? What if that young girl’s body doesn’t produce estrogen as it should as she grows and matures? She, too, might find herself trapped in the wrong kind of body. One which denies the reality of who she KNOWS that she is? Are we so omniscient that we can see and understand and render judgment on such a person? That we can judge with impunity her own experience? My dearest Joanne, I can’t imagine the arrogance that it would take to be that person. And, yet, you have deigned to be that judge. Even with all of the gifts that you have been given, intelligence, imagination, wealth, and privilege, you cannot seem to see that these other people have received different kinds of gifts. Where I live, many Native American nations consider these ‘Two Spirit’ people. They are revered and honored because they have the gift of seeing things in two worlds. I like that, don’t you?
I guess, Jo, that my point is who are we to judge that which has been created in the image of God? What right do we have to deny the reality that so many millions of our fellow humans live? Does a trans woman in Mexico really affect you? Are we not fellow passengers in this life? I suppose the bottom line is, Please, Jo! Knock this shit off. You are consciously hurting others. Other human beings who are simply trying to live their own lives.
Affectionately,
Mike

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Remembrance

Published by mhelbert on April 20, 2025

Last Thursday was Maundy Thursday. That’s the day that Christians around the globe commemorate the Last Supper that Messiah Jesus ate with His disciples before His crucifixion. I had the joy of preaching at St. B’s that night. Some said I may have been a tad harsh. Others that I was just preaching to the choir. You can make up your mind on where my mind may have been.

Be Blessed!

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Confronting the Human Condition: A Reflection on Anger and Faith

Confronting the Human Condition: A Reflection on Anger and Faith

Published by mhelbert on April 2, 2025

Back in January I wrote a post about the suicide death of the sister of a co-worker. That particular death struck hard at my heart and mind. I shared my anger about it. Why this death? A person I never met. I still hurts to think about it.
I’ve realized that my anger wasn’t/isn’t directed at the single loss of innocent life. It isn’t even about the feelings of loneliness and desolation that ended in this final act of desperation.
I wrote a second post about the I call the “Human Condition.” In that I argued that the question of theodicy, or why a all powerful and loving God can allow evil to remain in the world. I stated that what we call “evil” is simply the Human Condition that our species has always lived in. Deal with it.
Today I want wrap this topic up. I want to define the anger that I felt then, and continue to feel now. I will expose the ultimate object of my anger.
But, first a short digression about God’s actions, or inaction. The story that the Bible tells reveals the way in which God chose to deal with the Human Condition. It describes the condition in terms of sin and disobedience. Although, I think disobedience is simply a result of the Human Condition. Anyway, it seems that God wanted to identify for us what we were dealing with. An all powerful drive toward, well, self-destruction. Through war, greed, poverty, seeking power, and all sorts of mean, nasty things that humanity perpetrated on itself and the world, God pointed out our inability to do much, if anything, to change that.
Enter Messiah Jesus. The Gospel story tells us how God changed the trajectory of humanity. Through the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Messiah God, somehow, destroyed what the Bible calls the Power of Sin and Death. These, according to the text, are the driving force behind the Human Condition. In doing this God also created a community. Some call it the Church or the Body of Christ or whatever. Jesus in the Gospels, particularly the Sermon on the Mount, described life in this community, or the Kingdom of God. This community has trusted in Messiah Jesus. It accepts and proclaims the resurrection of Jesus. It lives in selfless service to one another and the world at large.
Until it doesn’t.
And, it hasn’t since its birth. This community of faith continues to struggle within the Human Condition rather that to be a voice of hope. That it should offer an alternative to that litany of mean, nasty things I mentioned earlier. We, and I mean “We,” have more than dropped the ball. We intentionally kicked it into the woods and walked away. The mandate the Jesus gave us on the night that He was betrayed was, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. I have loved you in order that you also love one another,” (John 13:34, my paraphrase). The Church, at least the variety that I spent more than 30 years in, has looked at this verse and said, “Ok. I can love my sisters and brothers just fine, thank you. That doesn’t mean that I have to love those foul vermin on the outside, right?”
Wrong.
Jesus never limited His love to those inside the club. In fact, He reserved some of His most cutting condemnation on them. Yet, we still keep our eyes firmly on our collective navels and clutch our pearls so tightly that we nearly choke ourselves when someone on the ‘outside’ tries to knock on the door.
This, my dear readers, is the definition of Failure! I don’t care if we discuss the fundagelical world that I escaped, the Roman Church, the Episcopal Church, or any other incarnation of Orthodox or protestant ‘Members Only’ club out there. We have ALL failed! Period! End of discussion!
My heart is genuinely broken at the loss of my co-worker’s sister. The loss to her family is greater than I can imagine.
And, I am angry at the Systems that backed this beautiful, young person into a corner that she could not escape.
My true anger is directed at the Church. Where were we when this girl needed help? I know, we can all say that unless she asked, what were we supposed to do? (Shrug.) That’s not the point. My emotions run hot about this because the Church has been neutered. By it’s own doing! Our voice has been silenced because we have chosen to follow the and embrace THE VERY SYSTEMS THAT ARE KILLING PEOPLE!!! How can we claim to be a voice of hope in a hopeless world when we, ourselves, are hopeless? How are people to know that the Church is here for them unless we prove trustworthy? Unless we have shown by our love and praxis that they can come to us when they are in need?
I don’t know. I’m ranting. But, that’s what I’m good at. Sue me.
If we don’t embrace our calling as a Peculiar People who stand with the people of the world and against the Powers that Be, we are above all people to be pitied. For, then, we prove that we have truly lost our way.

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Proud To Be An Episcopalian

Published by mhelbert on January 25, 2025

I know that I’m a little late to the party. I’m old. Give me a break.

Last week Episcopal Bishop of Washington, D.C., the Rt. Reverend Mariann Edgar Budde spoke at the National Cathedral. It was a special service for an interfaith service that was part of the transition of power. I didn’t watch it. Nor, anything pertaining to the inauguration. Just not interested. I did, however, hear the rumblings after the event. So many on social media, as well as the once well-regarded legacy media, were talking about this woman preacher who challenged Mr. Trump. I finally got to see the short sound-bite taken from the end of the sermon. Yeah, it was a gutsy move. But, I wanted to see the entire sermon in order to hear the context. For anyone who knows me, I am all about context, context, context. So, I sat down and watched it. I was truly impressed by the courage of this person. Yeah, she was preaching to a hostile audience. Yeah, she was concise and pointed in her remarks. Above all, though, she actually fulfilled her vocation. All followers are charged with speaking truth to power. Our leaders are especially responsible for this. However, it has been sorely missing from our pulpits. Those who follow Messiah Jesus have simply been sitting on our thumbs while our name and reputation have been hijacked by a militantly nationalist group of “believers.” I use quotation marks for that because the only thing they really believe in is their own lusts and desires. But, that’s a post for another time.

Bishop Budde did the right thing. Period. She spoke up for those with no voice. She proclaimed the Gospel of Love that Jesus spoke. She did it with fear and quaking. But, she did it.

I am proud to be an Episcopalian. Not just because of Bishop Budde’s remarks. But, because she has represented well what the Episcopal Church is becoming. It’s not where is should be by any stretch. Our history is rather sordid when it comes to our relationship with the halls of power. But, it seems that it is trying to live its repentance in real life. That’s a reason to be proud.

I’m sharing the full video of Bishop Budde’s sermon for those who want to see it in its entirety.

A quick note: The sermon should not simply be seen as a cheap political shot. Bishop Budde’s words are important for all of us to hear. None of us are blameless. All are guilty. So, don’t say or think that this was just for MAGA or Trump. These are word that we all should heed.

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Musing on The Human Condition And Other Stories

Published by mhelbert on January 16, 2025

Before I even get started I want to apologize for the condition of my previous essay. I was angry and emotional. I didn’t take time to proofread. So, the result was far below my own standards.

Sorry.

I’m still not doing great. Since I wrote that last piece another young person died. Another life cut short. It just keeps happening. Over and over and over and……..

I’m not a philosopher. Nor a true theologian. I’m just a guy whose wife tells him that he thinks too much and makes things difficult. Ok, mea culpa. That doesn’t change reality. People still suffer and people still die needlessly. If I was a theologian, (I’m not), I would probably try to explain things logically. After all, we want to have meaning in life and, especially, in death. So, I might take the road most traveled and try my hand at what is called “theodicy.” I mentioned that in the last post. In its simplest form a theodicy tries to find answers to this problem:

P1: If God is perfectly good, He must want to abolish evil.

P2: If He is unlimitedly powerful He must be able to abolish evil.

P3: But, evil exists

P4: God is either not perfectly good or He is not unlimitedly powerful.[1]

This problem has been present ever since people decided that they needed to defend God from any kind of limits or evil. Because, you know, God needs us to defend Him. This question has been asked by those who deny that God either exists or, if God does exists He is not worthy of our veneration, let alone our worship. And, I have to agree with them. If this is the argument that we must use, the criteria necessary for faith, then they are quite correct. God is not good. In fact, God may even be evil. Or, God only exists in our imaginations.

I don’t accept that.

I do think that God is all Good. That God is, in essence, all Powerful. I also know that evil exists.

I don’t think that those theologians and philosophers, however, are asking the right questions. I’m not sure that they are starting with the correct information to form their opinions. I’m quite sure that logic won’t do the job necessary to explain why two young people have recently died.

Let me begin by stating my own starting point. Most of the folks who engage in the thought problem as I so briefly stated it begin with a literal interpretation of the Bible. They use the text as their source. So, things like the creation story or the flood story in Genesis become points that they use for their argument.

I don’t. Mostly because I don’t read the Bible as literal history. It was never intended for that. When people ask the text to hold up their arguments, they are asking it to take on too heavy a load. A load for which it was never intended to bear. What I think about the text is a matter for another time.

What I do think is that when creatures evolved to the point of self-awareness, they also became aware of God. I think at that time God was able to begin to establish relationships with these creatures. (I use “creatures” because I’m not convinced that Homo Sapiens was the only species to achieve self-awareness.) As humanity evolved to be the dominate species, God continued to relate to them. In ways that I don’t know, God began to make Godself known to the nascent humans.

One of the realities that came with humanity was something I refer to as “the human condition.” The Biblical writers tried to describe this, I believe, in their writings about creation and the so-called Fall. The God that was becoming known to them was benevolent and loving. Yet, they too had to reconcile a world where sickness and war and anxiety were ever present. They imagined stories of a paradisaical world when everything was good. To explain their own reality, they believed that humanity was at the center of the change from paradise to a hostile world where humans had to work hard for food and sustenance. The “Real” world. Anyway, I think that this human condition is why there is suffering and death in the world. It’s not some external thing that entered the world. It IS the world. I agree with many secularists in that the universe is not a nice place. It’s always trying to kill us. That is the nature of things. Deal with it.

If this is the starting point, then what of the questions about God’s place in all of this. First, if the creation story is just that, a story, then the earth is about 4 billion years old and the universe is over 13 billion years old. And, more importantly, God did not create evil. In fact, evil in this sense is simply the way things are. Neither good nor evil. Just reality. So, when folks start asking the question, Why does God allow evil? I reply, “What evil.” What is it that they think God is allowing? If the Human Condition simply is the reality of things, how can we label it evil? To do that they need to define “good” as opposed to reality. I don’t know about you, but that hurts my brain. I can’t do the mental gymnastics needed to set reality against some human definitions of good and evil.

I know. I’m rambling like a crazy person. Maybe I am. That, too, is reality. But, I wanted to begin to draw an alternative picture. A picture in which the world is the way it is because, well, it’s the way it is. Humanity, too, is simply the place where the “Human Condition” exists. Good? Evil? I don’t know. Like I wrote above, I’m not sure that those descriptors are even valid. They are simply human constructs used to describe the world.

 I promise that I’m going somewhere with all of this. It may take a few more posts to work it all out. Sometimes I don’t know what I think until I get it out. I’m thinking while I’m writing.

I look forward to hearing some of your thoughts. Lord knows I’m not all that smart. And, I surely don’t have any inkling of what the actual reality of the world is. I only see my small corner. For better or worse, I’m sharing that.

[1] John Hick, Evil and the God of Love (Norfolk, England: Lowe and Brydone, 1975), p.5.

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Why This Unnecessary Death? I Don’t Know.

Published by mhelbert on January 9, 2025

I’m getting too old for this shit. I really am. I’ve seen too much needless death in my life.
Recently, I heard about a young woman who took her own life. Another person, family, destroyed. How long? How long must we sit by and watch hopeless people suffer in silence; loneliness? Is no one taking notice?
Yeah, there are people and organizations dedicated to helping people who reach out to them. That’s a wonderful thing for people to give themselves to. Trying to give hope to the hopeless. And, the discussions that have begun over the last few years about mental health are good. It’s sad that it seems that a mass shooting is the only way that these concerns are raised.
But, it’s too little. The issue is way larger than what individual people and organizations can cope. The issue isn’t just in the U.S. It’s global. From Gaza to Ukraine to China to Guatemala, people suffer and die. Needlessly.
What can we do? Isn’t there a way to fix this? If God exists, why don’t we see some kind of Divine Intervention? That’s a thing called Theodicy. I might write about that some time. Or, not.
So, why this particular person? This particular death? Why am I so triggered by this single event?
Honestly, I don’t know. Lord knows that I’ve not been affected by other suicides. Not even those I’ve known personally.
Why?
Part of the reason, I think, is frustration. We try to communicate that things aren’t as bad as they may seem in this moment. Some simplistic thinkers like to say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. These people don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve never stepped to the brink. I have. It’s far more than a temporary solution. It seems to be the ONLY solution. For those who wonder about where’s God? I believe to this day that it had not been for divine intervention you all wouldn’t be reading my nonsense today. Again, maybe a story for another time. Maybe, not.
I’ve had the great gift of studying the Christian Bible. I’ve found that there’s a lot more to it than what any televangelist or priest or pastor or others think. I won’t bore you with details. Yet. For now, let’s just say that I see in these ancient texts people who lived lives in this world. Lives just like us. They had desires and needs. Just like us. They loved and were loved. Just like us. They worried about the same things that worry us. And, they searched for answers. Just. Like. Us.
We all desire answers to life’s problems. Don ‘t we? If you say you don’t, I want what you’re drinking. We read in the various news outlets and hear from the talking heads who presume to be experts in whatever field they live in. We try to explain a problem in such a way that we may try to find solutions. We want to fix what’s we perceive as broken.
What if we’re wrong? What if life isn’t a problem to solved? Something that we can dissemble in order to find a common root? A broken gear tooth that can be fixed simply with a new gear? Isn’t that how we all pursue life? One day; one problem at a time.
Funny how that never really works? We plug one leak, another pops up in the line. Always.
I’m not writing this to sound all doom and gloom. Trying to paint a hopeless future. I’m not. My study of Scripture and my faith have given me, well, a little glimmer of hope. A glimmer that not everyone will see even if I draw a picture. This, too, is part of the reality of life.
I spent most of the summer studying what’s called the “Sermon on the Mount.” The sermon can be found in chapters 5, 6, & 7 in the Gospel According to Matthew. Because of its position and length is the Gospel, it would appear that it’s kind of important. It contains such memorable things like the Golden Rule and the Lord’s Prayer. At least, you’d think so. But, as I’ve studied and meditated and discussed the Sermon, it’s become painfully obvious that it is also one of the most misunderstood texts in the Bible. You see, so many, (most? All?), who read it see it as a compilation of “Jesus sayings” and other material that Matthew, or someone, cobbled together to form what we read today. Their arguments are academically sound. Well, some are. The result is that when people read the Sermon today, when they preach and teach it, they break it into nice little bite sized pieces. Then they develop doctrines and dogma and interpretations based on the tiny pieces they’ve bitten off. In fact, this is how the Scriptures are handled and presented in general. So, when we read the Sermon we learn about the Poor in Spirit and the ones who Mourn or Hunger after Righteousness. We get to hear a person tout all of the properties of salt and light. They will teach us all we need to know about divorce and remarriage. Or, murder and hate. Or, worrying about what we’ll eat or wear.
What we never, or at least, very rarely hear is anything about why Jesus would say all of these thing together in the first place. Why He called His discipled up a hill in order to deliver to them these many things that have to do with life in this world.
I’m not gonna say anymore right now. I’m still angry. But, my anger is not directed at the usual suspects. It’s directed toward me. It’s directed at the “big C” Church. All of that I hope to unpack as I contemplate this more. As God sees fit to let me see. As I’m able to actually see it.

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What’s New in 2025?

Published by mhelbert on January 2, 2025

Well, it’s day 2 of 2025. I would’ve written yesterday, but I had to work. Yeah, I’m back in the workforce. Actually, I started back in April of last year. I spent about 5 months working in the nursery at Petitti’s Garden Center. It was interesting and mindless work. Watering trees and shrubs, stocking new inventory, and dealing with overly privileged people with too much money on their hands. As I was seasonal help, my season ended just before Labor Day. In early October I began a stint at Giant Eagle in the bakery. I’m technically a “clerk.” That means that I slice the bread and package the other baked goods that the bakers bake. I deal with customers who want this or that which the bakers and decorators make. And, I get to clean up the messes that the aforementioned bakers, et al., make. It keeps me busy and provides added funds for things like books and music gear. So, all that to say that I’m at the bottom of the totem pole at GE. So, I got to work all day yesterday. Yippee.
This year I’ll probably keep working at something or other. Presumably, at GE, as there are only so many places where a feeble, old fart like me can work. Plus, I have no desire to do anything that could be considered “career track.” Been there; done that.
One thing that I am pursuing, though, I began in October. That is, I began the discernment process for entering into the Episcopal priesthood. Yeah, I know. “What the hell are you thinking, Helbert?!” Maybe I’m not thinking. Maybe just going with my gut on this. Ordained work has long been lurking in the dark recesses of my mind. I began consideration of that while yet in high school. I was all set to go to Malone College, (now Malone University), to pursue an undergrad that would prepare me for seminary. Well, as they say, “life happened” and that path was closed. However, the desire for that type of work never really left me alone. That’s why, in 2006, I began seminary at Ashland Theological Seminary. After 5 years of balancing work, family, and grad school I graduated in 2011 with a Master of Divinity. That pretty much made me a deep thinking person in debt. I have had the opportunity to teach some Bible stuff and occasionally stand in the pulpit and pretend to preach. That old desire for ordination kept sticking its nose up, though. So, I finally decided to check it out. The next couple of years will determine if this is truly something that I should pursue. That’s why they call it ‘discernment.’ So, we’ll see.
I’d like to say that I have 2025 all planned out. That Hope and I have set certain goals to work toward. Yeah, no. We haven’t. We kinda roll with what’s given us. Maybe take a trip here or there. Maybe do some home renovation. Maybe just sit and complain about all of the things that we’re not doing. We’ve really gotten pretty good at that.
I do hope to escape 2025 alive and well. The older I get, the more that becomes a matter of speculation. Such is the way of things.
For better or not, the calendar won’t stop flipping pages. At least, I’m fairly sure of that. I will continue to drop notes in this here blog thingy from time to time. Heck, I’m paying for this domain. I may as well us it. Much of what appears here will likely be mundane stuff. Like this post, for instance. Others will probably take a closer look at our shared “Human Condition” in this time in which we live. I hope to take deeper dives into faith and the Church and the Scripture. Since those things have occupied much of my life up to now. I’ve been reluctant to write stuff that I think may be “too religious.” I know that folks reading my rant and mad railings don’t share my beliefs. I worry about offending some and losing some followers. But, I’m pushing 70 and I’m finding more and more that I really don’t have too many “fucks” to give. So, be forewarned.
Anyway, that’s about all I have to say. My wife wants me to go look at fabric and sewing machines.
Ah, the life of the retired. But, not quite.

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Must We Always Live Under “Same As It Ever Was?”

Published by mhelbert on December 31, 2024

Well, here we are at the end of yet another year. On the cusp of 2025 many of us share hope that the next year will be different. Spoiler alert: it won’t be. I’ve seen nearly 70 of these calendar pages turned. Nothing really changes. Except that I’ll forget the year on checks for a while. That’s why I use auto-pay a lot! So many people focus on what’s to come. And, too few of us truly reflect on what was. I think that’s a mistake. There is much that we have all accomplished that should be held high and celebrated. There are also those things that we would rather not been done.
Such is the way of it.
By “it” I mean the human condition. This is something that I’ve reflected on a great deal this past year. It is the true equalizer in the world. No one is beyond its influence. I even grasped that Jesus, the son of Joseph, was not above it. The only difference that I can see between Him and everyone else is that He chose to enter into it. But, that’s a story for another day.
This condition is universal in scope, yet appears differently to different cultures and classes. By definition, though we are all subject to it. I see this condition as one of misery, desertion, poverty, and anxiety. I think for many, 2024 taught us that. While we may live in our nice homes with all of the food and comforts that we desire, we still by our insurances and stock up ‘just in case.’
The year now winding down to its conclusion caused no shortage of anxiety. Not only in the U.S., but all around the world political and economic uncertainty has made us wary, not only of those who are different from us in race or culture, but of our own families and friends. These are the characteristics of the “human condition.” Not the outward appearance of well-being. That’s at best cosmetic. No, this condition is internal. It’s what we are born into. The evolutionists may say that this is simply a vestigial holdover from an earlier age when survival made suspicion and distrust necessary. Maybe. Only to me it seems that we as a species are more suspicious than ever. Of course, I have no way to prove that. It’s just my gut saying it.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting old and cynical. Perhaps that’s part of the human condition, too. We see the reality of living. We are witness to suffering of other humans in war and poverty. Every. Single. Day. Fear is used as a tool to achieve wealth and power. Fear, that universal scourge that infects every living thing. Fight or flight. “Stay away from me and my stuff!” It’s no wonder that we crawl into our homes and view the world from the supposed safety of our various devices. Well, except those who can’t afford either a home or devices.
Such is our lot as we trek and toil toward…what?
A new year?
New hope?
New resolutions?
But, as David Byrne and the Talking Heads sang, “Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.”
Qoheleth, the Teacher, who wrote the Biblical book Ecclesiastes saw this over 2,000 years ago. He wrote, “Vanity! All is vanity…What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done;
there is nothing new under the sun.”
Does this mean that I must remain in a cynical, hopeless life?
No, of course not. There’s always hope. It’s just not in politics or the economy or how good our insurance is. I think that any hope that we might find is in that which we distrust.
Each other.
Community is where we came from. Our earliest ancestors learned that as they began to walk and live in a hostile world. They needed each other then. Just as we do now. To hide in our ‘safe’ homes is an illusion. We can never hide from ourselves or our fears. Together, however, we might just learn to trust and walk in the light.
Much, (all?), of what I’m thinking in this regard comes directly from my study of the Bible and the community of faith that I’m part of. Most, however, has been discerned as I sit quietly with God. I think that this quietness is the beginning of community. After all, God exists in community; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But, then, I believe in stuff that most of the world doesn’t.
While I have no trust in the ways and systems of this world, I do have a fleeting hope in humanity to see outside of itself. To grasp the truth of our need to trust, not only one another, but the earth and all that it contains. We are all floating around on the wet ball. If we can’t learn to trust to this reality and the God Who lives here with us,
Who can we trust?

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