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Author: mhelbert

Growing Up…Growing Apart

I grew up in a small neighborhood. My street had 3 houses on it and what seemed like miles and miles of woods. At one end of the street was Lake Rd. Cars, trucks, and busses flew up and down that thoroughfare. My parents made sure that I understood that any attempted crossing of that barrier would result in my instant death. At the other end of the street were cliffs that led down to Lake Erie. Again, my ever-loving parents put the fear of God into me. Jesus may have walked on water, but I surely could not.

There was another street next to ours. It had a lot of small cottages on it. Apparently, the street had been a resort of sorts for folks from the Big City, Cleveland, to come to on summer weekends to get away from it all.

Living in one of those cottages was a family whose roots were in West Virginia. At that time there were 5 people in the family. Dad, Mom, and 3 little girls. I remember spending time there playing with them. The oldest was 5. She was something about her that made her special to 6 year old me. If I had to describe it, I was madly in love with her. (At least as a 6 year old could understand that!) She had braces on her legs and couldn’t walk well. I had no idea what caused that. And, I didn’t really care. All I did care about was making her laugh. And she did laugh! She was a very happy child who brightened by soul.

One day I went there and she was gone. I didn’t know for sure where she went. I do remember one time driving with my parents and passing a local hospital. My mom pointed at it told me that my friend had gone there. Later, they told me she had died. Six year old me really had no idea what that meant. After all, when our dog suddenly disappeared my parents told me that she had gone to live on someone’s farm. For all I knew, my young friend had simply gone to live somewhere that she could be cared for.

At the end of that street there was one of the few non-cottages. It was a fairly large house. The family that lived there had 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. To get to their house I had to follow a path through the woods that grew next to my house. We were roughly the same age, give or take a couple years. I remember that their youngest daughter was my first real crush. Yep! Seven years old and madly in love! Ah…those were good times! I became friends with one of the boys. They had an old camper that the two of us used to climb up on and then jump off of holding on to an umbrella that we were sure would be just as good as a parachute. It’s a wonder that we didn’t break our legs…or our necks. Inside their house they had an old pump organ. It was one of those instruments that you had to pump pedals in order to build up air that would generate sound. My friend knew part of one song. But, he may as well have been a virtuoso to me. It was at his house that I learned the time honored practice of making prank phone calls. You know, “Hello! Is your refrigerator running? It is? Well, you better run and catch it!” Ha ha ha! We would also have carnivals at my house. All of us kids would hang in my back yard and devise carny games and side-show acts. My friend liked to be the ‘Man with a Thousand Shirts.’ He would put on six or seven t-shirts and act like he was at the doctor’s. His brother played the doctor. When he was told to take off his shirt he did. But, of course there was another one under it. For a bunch of 1st to 4th graders in the early 1960s this was great fun!

Eventually, all of my friends moved away and we drifted apart.

It was odd, though, that over the years we all came to embrace religion. And, we all came to it in its Evangelical form. My friends who had the daughter who had passed when she was 5 were devout Baptists. When I came to faith in my teens the Mom was glad and made sure to tell me that she had been praying for me. She was a super lady and I loved her deeply. Sadly for us, she has passed on to her Glory. My other friend who wore too many shirts went on to become a pastor. We have been able to reconnect through social media.

For anyone who knows me they realize that I no longer hold to the Evangelical way of following Jesus. Perhaps because I wasn’t born and raised in that tradition I had a different perspective. I came from a rock-n-roll rebel background. I am wont to say that “I once was a Hippie, then I was a Reagan Republican. Now, I’m a Hippie again.” That whole Reagan thing came about because of the Evangelical crowd I was a part of at that time. I remember in 1980 hanging a sign in my area at work that read, “Vote Republican for a Change.” The only reason that I felt that way, besides the conservative religious folks I hung with, was the single issue of abortion. Evangelicals changed the way they thought about that in the late 70s. Jerry Falwell, Sr. and his Moral Majority grabbed hold of that and so did the Republican Party. Since then, sadly, Evangelicals and Republicans have been together between the sheets doing the Monkey dance. I think that we are seeing the progeny of that coupling in our politics today. It’s not pretty.

So, I and my friend have grown apart when it comes to a certain way of religious practice and our politics. Yet, we still follow each other on Facebook. I think that we could sit together and laugh and drink coffee while reminiscing about those days way back when. Yes, we will not agree on a lot of things. But I am finding that if people put their minds to the task of trying NOT to be divisive and to respect the other’s opinion there can be healthy relationships.

People grow. People change. And, people are strengthened by diversity. Relationships come and go. Still, I find it refreshing that after so many years and such divergent paths, I can still find a kindred spirit to share with on the journey.

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Refreshed? Not Really, But I’m Back!

I’m sitting at my desk. It’s 4:15 A.M. My diffuser is sending a cool mist smelling of Pumpkin Spice into the air.

One week ago I was preparing to take a road trip with my wife to Albany, NY. I had promised myself that I was going to take a break from the news, social media, and any distractions that may compete for my time. The current political state of the U.S. and the chaos that seems to reign in Washington, D.C. and the news media was eating at my soul.

I needed a break.

And, I needed it NOW!

I’m pleased to say that I was successful at turning things off. I turned of both television and computer. I spent a lot of time reading and taking care of some odds-n-ends that required my attention at home. A couple new door knobs on bedrooms, lawn cut and outdoor furniture stowed away for another year. You know, odds-n-ends.

Now, here it is a week later. My blood pressure is good. Well, that’s mostly due to the medication. But, laying low for a week helped I’m sure.

Did I have any great revelation while away?

No, not really.

However, I am going to make a couple changes for my own well-being. You see, I tried very hard to know what’s going on in the world. I listened to as much as I could from many conflicting sources. I didn’t want to spend all of my time in an echo chamber only hearing one side of a story in order to continually feed and reinforce any biases. And, I do hope to continue to listen to everyone that I can. There are some, though, that I must let go of.

Today I am going to go through my social media feeds and weed out many voices. These are voices that I truly love to listen to. But, they are voices that I don’t really need to hear. So, I will bid them fond farewell. I am going to restructure my Twitter feed. If I can’t do that in a satisfactory manner, I’m gonna ditch it all together. I intend to leave other media alone. For now.

I have a calling. Part of that is to write. Part is to listen, study, and think. (Some say that I do that too deeply. Oh, well.) I’ve got to focus on that more. Especially, the writing part. Not only here, but in other ways as well.

So, am I refreshed from my time away? No, not really. I’m still leaving in about an hour and a half to go back to work. Life moves forward without pause. It cares not a whit whether I’m feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed. But, I was able to draw my focus back a bit. Hopefully, that will be enough for now.

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Breather

I know that I’ve not been posting much recently. I have been busy with other projects.

I have mostly been focused on studying the Gospels. That study has consumed what little time I have for personal endeavors, like this blog. The study, however, is providing fodder for future postings. So, what goes around will come around eventually.

I’m writing now, however, to say that I am taking a few days to disconnect as much as possible.

Between work, the online communities that I’m a part of, and and the constant chaos presented both online and in the news cycle I am burned out and suffering no small amount of anxiety.

So, taking a breather is in order.

I hope to take a road trip to clear my heart and my head. Once I post this I’m shutting down my computer and closing my commentaries and Greek grammars. I will be leaving my cell plugged into its charger in my office. It will not accompany me.

I will take my journal and my wife only.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to spend time in prayer and contemplation.

I need to chill and recharge.

So, until I get back, May any who read this be Blessed!

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In The Beginning….

Blazing Bubble Bursts!

White hot atoms form!

Escape!

Where shall we build it?

Everywhere! Anywhere! Go!

Now!

And, so it was formed.

Every color and form.

Look!

Singularity.

All has arisen!

Behold!

And, it was all Good!

It was Very Good!

 

As I’ve struggled with trying to discover an answer to my question, “Who Are You God…Really?” I was drawn to the initial spark that became the Cosmos. Who is God in relation to all that we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch? And, what does that have to do with me getting up every day and driving into the city to work? Or, returning home to family and responsibilities and, well, just “Life” stuff.

The short verse I wrote is built with 2 lines of 5 syllables followed by an exclamation.

Except for the end where the last 2 lines leave off into space where all sorts of possibilities live.

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How Dare You?

YOU LEFT ME!

How Dare You Do That To Me!

You didn’t say ‘Goodbye’!

You didn’t even leave a note on the bedside table!

Don’t all of the years we spent together mean anything to you?!?

We laughed and we loved.

We travelled together. We slept together.

I thought that we would be together ALWAYS!!!

You Promised That You Would Never Leave Me!

And Now!

Now, You just died and left me alone!

 

I wrote this as I was thinking about a friend of mine who lost a loved one. Could part of our mourning process involve resolving anger that we may have toward that person? They did, after all, leave us alone without warning.

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Not Enough Ink

I thought that if I just hid under the coral it would protect me.

Yet, you found me.

I changed the color of my skin so I could blend into the sand below.

Yet, you found me.

Jet away! Release a cloud of inky blackness to confuse you.!

Yet…you found me.

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But, I Thought You Were Dead

Where to start…
“It was a dark, stormy night.”
No, no that’s no good.
“It was the best of…”
Oh, shit! That’s even worse!

Yesterday, my heart failed me.
You see, my eyes dragged it to
a place that it hadn’t been
in so many years. A place
that contains feelings of old
memories and longings long
thought dead and buried. Inter’d
within a stone tomb, stain’d taupe
Still, turning to dust.
But, I read your words and saw
Your face and with the sound of
a mighty, rushing wind their
lungs filled and faces flushed full
of new life! The tomb burst open,
the reincarnate walked out
into the sunlight of my
consciousness, mummy wrapped in
musty, moldy cloth.
“But, I thought that you were dead,”
I cried! As my heart began
to break open and the dam
behind my eyes burst. “Why now?
I am old and life-worn. Why
can’t you leave me alone? What
have I done that you who were
dead return to haunt me now?”
“You loved. You died. LIVE!”

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Break Out the Clay and Let’s Make Something!

Sometime after his baptism, Jesus left his home in Nazareth and took up residence in a city called Capernaum that was on the north shore of the Sea of Galilee. One day as he was strolling along the shore he saw a couple guys fishing. Jesus said to them, “Come here! Follow me! And, I will make you fishers of people!”

There has been a lot of ink spilled about these few words.
“They were fishermen fishing for fish, so Jesus called them to fish for people.”
The image of the fish, the Greek word Ichthus, has been used for followers of Jesus since the beginning.

But, that’s not what struck me. I mean, I don’t fish and don’t particularly enjoy it. And, that idea simply doesn’t enter into my quest for an answer to my question,

God, who are You…Really?

What did jump out was the word, Make.

So, when I read this verse, I stopped and spent quite some time chewing on it.
Jesus could have just as easily said, “Hey, guys! Come on! We’re goin’ fishin’ for people!”
But, he didn’t. He said that he would “make” them human netters.

What was it about that word that made me stop? Was there any significance beyond what is obvious?

The word as written in the Greek has a fairly wide range of meaning. Not unlike the English version. One source stated that in this verse we should understand the word to mean ‘appoint.’ As in, “I will make you CEO of this corporation.” That seems a little thin to me in this context.
“I’m going to appoint you ‘Fishers of People!’ You’ll get a raise and a corner office.”
Nah, doesn’t work for me. Besides, what, other that knowing how to cast a net, made Jesus think that these two guys were qualified for that?
Answer: He didn’t, and they weren’t.

I then discovered that the same verb was used in the Greek version of the Hebrew Scriptures to describe God’s activity in the creation story in Genesis.
God ‘made’ stuff. The image that comes to mind in this story is of someone molding and fashioning something. Much like a sculptor or potter. The artist uses some kind or raw material, stone or clay, and pinches here and pulls there. Here a chip, there a chip.
Was this a little closer to what Jesus was saying? “Hey you, guys! Come! Follow me and I will mold and form you into people who may cast a wide net in order to bring many people together into God’s Kingdom!”
This, I think, gets to the heart of Jesus’ call. He wasn’t merely asking for company on the road. Nor, was he auditioning people to see who might best fit into his plans. He desired to train people, apprentice them, so they could ultimately follow in His footsteps.

Another thing of interest here is the manner in which Jesus called these men to follow him. In first century Judaism prospective disciples sought out a Rabbi, or Teacher, that they wanted to learn from. The Rabbi would then discern whether or not it was a good fit. But, the point was that the would-be learner took the initiative. In Matthew’s account, it was Jesus, the Teacher, who went in search of disciples. He didn’t sit on a high seat somewhere and wait for people to come to him. He sought them. This was quite contrary to the cultural status quo of his day. What self-respecting Rabbi would ‘sell’ himself like that? Well, apparently Jesus would. And, he didn’t ‘sell’ himself. He gave himself.

I know this seems like quite a simple overview of what is a large, involved subject. And, it is. There is a lot that can be gleaned from these few words. And, perhaps, just as many questions.

What about the negative side of fishing? An unsuspecting fish is suddenly snared by a net, snatched out of its world, and taken to a place where it will ultimately die. Doesn’t sound very good for the fish. Nor, would it seem good for people who would be captured by some intrusive person who decided that the other looked like a good target. Maybe there’s a thought there for those who say they are just ‘evangelizing’ to consider.

There’s also the larger question that Jesus’ calling begs for an answer. How? What was the method that Jesus intended to use in order to mold and fashion these men? And, how would the negative aspect of fishing be turned into a positive? Especially, for the ‘fish’?

Maybe I’ll come across some answers to these questions as I continue to seek an answer to my question. Maybe not.

But, I did learn a couple things about God from this portion of the text.
I found that God isn’t content to wait for the Cosmos, and we who live in it, to come to the Divine throne. No, God actively seeks to create! God desires to get the Divine fingers into the mud and the clay so that new things can be made and fashioned. And, it appears that God desires human assistance. God goes out of God’s way in order to call people to join in the work of building a new World.

Right here. Right now.

Nowhere in this passage is it written that Jesus said, “Hey, follow me and I’ll show you how you can eventually make your way into the Celestial Palace where we’ll sing and dance and be happy forever!”

NO!

He called these people to come and be transformed into people who could live in God’s Kingdom…now.

That, I think, is Good News.

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Feel free to share the link to this blog with others who you think might enjoy it.
Thanx!

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Let It Be So, Now

The first time that the writer of Matthew noted the actual words of Jesus was when Jesus traveled to the Jordan River to be baptized by his cousin, John. Why this time and this event I’m not sure. Why didn’t the writer have anything to say about Jesus’ younger days? But, except for Luke and his record of Jesus as a 12 year old, the Canon is silent.

John had been baptizing people who came from all over Palestine. He was apparently a simple man. His clothing was common and the food he ate was what he could gather from nature. Even the message that he preached to those seeking baptism was simple, “Repent! For the Kingdom of God has come near!” He freely baptized anyone who came and confessed whatever sins they may have committed. And, John was not afraid to get right up in the face of people who thought that they were oh so pure. He was more than happy to help them ‘discover’ the error of their ways.

Into this strolled Jesus.

He walked down to be baptized. John tried to deflect him by saying, “Whoa! I’m the one who should be baptized by You! Yet, you came to me?” John recognized something about Jesus that apparently no one else did. To John, Jesus was the master and he the student. Masters didn’t do things like this. So, naturally, John “tried to hold him back.”
It’s kind of ironic that John, acting as the lesser of the two, made a presumption about Jesus and tried to enforce it. He recognized Jesus as Master, and then told him, “No! You can’t do that!” Imagine saying No to your boss!

Jesus didn’t respond by saying, “John, John…you simple man. You have no clue what you’re saying. Don’t you realize who I am? Now, stop talking nonsense and do your job.”

Instead, Jesus simply said, “Let it be so now. For this way is proper for us to fulfill all righteousness”.

I can see a smile on Jesus’ face when he said this. In a way he said, “Yeah, I know. But, there’s something going on here that’s bigger than both of us. So, John, please do this.” He did not simply dismiss John and his concerns.  In fact, he honored John’s inclusion, “For this way is proper for US…” Jesus, Son of God and all, demurred and humbly asked his cousin to render this service to him.

So, I learned that God has a streak of humility. God doesn’t seem to need to strut into a situation and throw the Divine reputation around. “Hi. I’m God. And, you’re not.”

No, Jesus showed that he needed others in order to fulfill his calling.

What about the rest of what Jesus said? What’s all that about ‘fulfilling all righteousness?

I found at least EIGHT different ways to understand this statement. The text itself only contains 8 Greek words. Yet we have at least that many ways to explain them! (For those who think that a ‘simple’ reading of the Bible is the best way? It’s not!)

One of the reasons states that this baptism was an act that needed to be performed. Jesus was, in effect, checking an item off of his Messiah ‘To Do’ list. But, there’s not a lot of evidence to back that up.

Another was that, like the folks over at the Qumran community, he was performing a ritual cleansing. But, if Jesus was Divine, this was an unnecessary formality. The early Church recognized the doctrine of Jesus’ sinless nature. So, what was he being cleansed of?

There was only one reason out of all the ones I found that seems to fit. It fits Jesus’ humility shown to John as well as his humility to God the Father. It also fits what we may assume was Jesus’ perception of his role as Son.

He was somehow aware of what the Father desired and knew that this was simply the right thing to do.

Jesus acted on a gut feeling that God desired him to go to his cousin, yeah the weird one, and allow his cousin to baptize him.

How much of this act did in fact have some basis in Jewish custom and ritual? Don’t know; don’t care. It’s not important.

What is important, and I think the point here, was that Jesus desired to please God.

So, Mike’s paraphrase of this verse would be something like, “Please, John, do this for me. It’s the right thing for me to do to please God at this time.”

What does any of this have to do with my question, “Who are you God…Really?”

I think that there are a few things here that I can learn.

1) God can be pleased. Or, better, we can do things that make God smile.
2) Jesus revealed sensitivity to both God and John. God must also be sensitive to what we think and say.
3) Jesus was humble. He chose to honor his cousin. He didn’t use the “God card.” He chose to John in this simple act of pleasing the Father.
4) Some things may not be morally or theologically right or wrong. Would Jesus have been less than divine if he hadn’t gone to John? No, I don’t think so. But, for him, doing the right thing was, well, the right thing to do.

One thing that was not mentioned here was that God somehow “led” Jesus to be baptized. I just finished a book by Richard Stearns who has been the CEO of World Vision for the last several years. In this book Stearns wrote again and again how God led him to become CEO. He shared examples of what he understood to be supernatural interventions that guided him from a lucrative position in business to become the head of an international aid agency. But, behind all of that, he wrote about his and his wife’s own passion to be involved in cross cultural missions. They had been involved in various missions’ conferences and had read literature about missionaries and the work that they did. But, his education and vocation didn’t seem to fit. Eventually, he said that he could no longer ignore the ‘signs.’ God was, in effect, forcing his hand. I don’t believe that God’s in that kind of business. Yes, I think that we are each capable of seeing various routes to take and what the various outcomes may be. That is where we discern what may be the best path for us. We may know what would be pleasing to God. But, ultimately it’s up to us to make the choice. Or not. God doesn’t coerce a decision one way or another. God doesn’t stack the deck for us to make one decision over another. We are co-workers with God in redemption. There’s a big world out there with lots of need. God simply asks us what we are going to do. The decision is ultimately ours. Just as Jesus’ decision to be baptized by John was his own.

And, it pleased the Father.

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Who Are You, God…Really?

“Don’t worry! We’ll pray that God heals you!”
How many times have people said that? People who truly believe that.

Then, the other dies.

“Well, God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is “No”.
Or, “You must not have had enough faith”.
Or some other rationalization that lets God off the hook.

The Christian Bible is full of stories about genocide and rape; murder, lying, and cheating.
Unbelievably, these things are not only allowed, but in many cases commanded by God!
“Well, you know that God’s ways are not our ways. And, God’s thoughts are way beyond ours.
Only God can see the whole picture.”

Yet, that same Bible contains some of the most tender and intimate love stories ever penned.
And, not just The Song of Solomon.
God is portrayed as a loving parent, lover, and friend.
God defends and encourages.

My own observations are, however, a bit, er, different.

I look around and I see a world in which God is not a leading actor.
God doesn’t answer prayer. At least not in any physical way that can be analyzed and proven
to be a supernatural event.
People are afflicted and they die from causes that are entirely natural.
It really annoys me that a tornado can sweep a city off of the map and a survivor can thank God
that she was spared.
But, her next door neighbor was killed.
Where was God for that person?

There have recently been several cases in the U.S. and Canada where parents allowed a child
to die because their religion states that ‘Prayer alone will heal!’
To that… I call ‘bullshit’.

So what?

My mind has wandered.
A single question has been forming like an image on a piece of film swimming in developer:

Who are You, God…Really?

I ask this because it has become abundantly clear to me that the God I have been taught
about is NOT the God of the ‘real’ world.
The God that I learned about in Sunday school and Communicants’ class and innumerable sermons simply
does not exist. He’s a fake; a phantom.
That God is not omnipotent and is certainly NOT omniscient. That God does not answer the prayer of the sick and needy because that God cannot answer the prayer of the sick and needy.

So, Who are You, God…Really?

Please don’t think that I’m trying to stick it to anyone or their beliefs.

This is a real and honest question that I’m asking.

I truly want to find an answer.

If God truly is God, then there should be no problem with asking.

Questions should be no threat.

I talked to my Spiritual Director about these things.
We both saw the path that I should take.
Jesus told his disciples, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.”
So, we decided that searching the Gospels would be a good place to start
looking for an answer to my question.
Now, I’ve pretty much lived in the Gospels for the last 5+ years.
But, even after all of that time, this question still vexes me.

With that in mind, I have embarked on a new journey.
My path lies through the words written by ancient men who created stories
about the one person in history who claims to have seen God. (”I only do the things that I see the Father doing.”)

At the end, if there is one, I hope to have at least an inkling of who this God that I worship really is.

 

 

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