We’re smack dab in the middle of Advent, 2024. It’s a season of anticipation. Anticipating the arrival of the Messiah, Jesus. This year, however, I think that many anticipate the future with anxiety. Rather that awaiting the Prince of Peace many anticipate the Prince of Doom. Many others see the future with hope. Such is Advent in 2024. I, too, look forward with unease. Not because of what I know, but rather, what I don’t know. I don’t know if the many doomsayers will be right. That 2025 may inaugurate the end of the world as we know it. That our lives may be at best, interrupted by chaos. Nor, do I know that the change will do us good. Who knows? I certainly don’t. What I do know, however, is that neither our hopes nor fears will change what will actually be. That’s way above my pay-grade. What I do know is that politics and the economy and border security will not save us. Not from the outside. Nor, from the inside. Nor, from ourselves. Hell, I’m not even sure what “save” means! This season. This year. The anticipation of things that we think will help or harm is the wrong place for Advent. This season. This year. Anticipation of the coming of Messiah Jesus is truly needed. We’re all in this world together. Perhaps, our focus, at least for a short time, could be directed to that Advent. Just a thought.
For most of us, this moment in time is a bit, well, unsettled. There is more uncertainty swirling around in the world than there usually is. Coronavirus; Politics; Economy; Find Waldo, er, Kim Jung Un.
You get the point.
We are frustrated and, if we’re honest, a bit afraid. Not necessarily afraid of Covid-19. We’re afraid of the uncertainty.
This is completely understandable. Especially, in a society that prides itself on being in control and self-sufficient. A culture where the idea of the Individual is elevated to near god-like stature. It is disconcerting to feel alone and, perhaps more importantly, not in control. So, yeah, I get it.
People need to vent their frustrations. We see this in the protests over stay at home orders. We see it in people ignoring those orders to open businesses and churches. There is a wave of ‘righteous indignation’ flowing over us.
None of us can see the ramifications of these actions.
That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? None of us can see…….
We can, however, see how all of this is affecting us. I look around at the way that business and industry have stepped up to provide necessary equipment for those who put themselves in harms way to care for the rest of us. I see the food pantries and volunteers doing whatever they must in order to help those who have suddenly found themselves in dire need of basic necessities. Those of us who are daily putting our own needs and desires aside and staying home and practicing Personal Distancing so that those who are on the ‘front lines’ may have a chance to do their jobs, well, “Good Job!”
There are people who say that there is little to no hope for our species. Or, the world, for that matter. They say that unless drastic measures are taken immediately we will go the way of the Dodo…soon.
There are others among us who say that this is just the beginning of judgement. Soon God will appear and the whole Cosmos will roll up like a scroll and burn.
I want to take issue with both of these outcomes and any others that would follow this kind of Doomsday script.
We all have choices.
We can choose to be Human. We can choose to let Empathy, rather than selfishness and fear, rule in our hearts and minds. There is Hope. If we can have Faith. And, more importantly, if we can extend Love.
I shared a few weeks ago that I will soon be joining the ranks of the Retired. After nearly 50 years working in commercial printing, I’m hanging up my computer. I will be spending more time with, well, this computer. We have been working to prepare for this. Getting the finances squared away; signing up for medicare; gloating about it to my co-workers. You know, all of the important stuff.
And, things seem to be progressing nicely.
But, as with most things in life, the things that we don’t see are the ones that tend to impact us most. We try our best to prepare for every contingency. What if the water heater blows up the day after I retire? Can we pay for a new one? Check! How about the car? Check on that, too!
How about your health? Well, I’ve got that dicey cardiac thing pretty much under control. So, yeah, Check!
What about your cancer?
Wha?!? Who?!? What cancer?
The cancer that’s been growing in your colon, dummy!
But, I don’t have any cancer!!! I eat right and exercise and don’t engage in high risk activities! I even get regular colonoscopies to make sure that nothing’s happening!
Well, you did skip a year and a half. Right? You were supposed to have a scope in 2018. But, no, there was something else going on. And, the previous two scopes had been clear. Nothing to worry about. Right?
Wrong!
This past Monday I went in for my routine, but belated, colonoscopy. I wrote a bit about it here. Afterwards, the Doc came in to give us the results. There were a few polyps. No biggie. They snip them off and we’re good to go. There was something else, though. A mass in the ascending colon. They took a biopsy and sent it to pathology. The doc, however, was pretty sure what we were looking at. Cancer.
Yesterday I received the results of the pathology. Yep, suspicions confirmed.
Not how I had planned to begin my retirement. Hell, not in any plans for anything at all! But, there you go. The things you don’t see are the ones that can derail you.
What now?
Today I go for a CT Scan to see if this bugger has spread. Hopefully, no. We have hopefully caught it early enough that it is self-contained. If it has not spread, then next week I meet with a surgeon to go over how they will remove it. The best case is that they will take it out and I will live happily ever after. The way things are going, though, I’m not overly confident.
Right now I am consumed by conflicting emotions. I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know how I SHOULD feel! I know there are folks out there who have experienced exactly what I am. I don’t want to be a whiner and do the whole, “Woe is me!” thing. Especially when you are dealing with far worse.
But, we each process things in our own way.
My way is going to be to process it here. I want to share this experience. Well, not SHARE it. I can assure you that you do not want this! I want to share my experience with you. What’s happening physically? The tests and the doc’s reports and surgery. All the good stuff that cancer patients get to have. What’s going on emotionally? What thoughts and feelings are racing around in my head…my body. It looks to be a roller coaster ride that rivals anything at Cedar Point. What is this doing to form me Spiritually? Where is Yahweh in all of this? IS Yahweh in ANY of this?
So, for the next little while I’m going to write about these things. Sure, I’ll still write the other stuff, too. But, this is important right here; right now.
I invite you to come along with me on this journey! Lord knows that I can’t walk it alone. Your company is appreciated. I also encourage you to share this and invite others to come along. This is part of our shared human experience. So, Please, share on your social media, at the dinner table, with co-workers…anyone and everyone.
Hopefully, in a little while I’ll be able to share with you OUR victory over this thing.
Last week I wrote that this year, 2020, is not going to be like most other years. There are new things sitting on the horizon. If you squint just a little and tilt your head to the left a tad, you should be able to see them.
In just under three months I am going to enter the ranks of “Those Who You Used to Work.” Aka: Retired.
I began working in the printing industry 49 years ago. For those keeping score, that’s a loonngg time ago. Little did I know then, as I cleaned spray powder off the ceiling and pipes, that I would spend my entire adult life helping to push paper through machines. But, I have come from those first days of cleaning the overhead to sweeping floors and working in the warehouse, through helping on presses and nearly 45 years in prepress, to here today getting ready to say goodbye.
I have a lot of different feelings right now. So much has happened during the last nearly half century. Most of it good. Some time spent in the valley. But, that’s the way life is, right?
There is so much that I would like to write about. But, I am still processing some of this. Yeah, I’ve been planning for this for quite a while. That doesn’t change the feelings of anxiety and fear that lurk around the periphery of my heart and mind. It’s not until you etch the decision in stone that the reality of change begins to truly come into focus. As long as you’re talking about what’s coming it still has a fairy tale feel. But, when you actually bite into the apple and feel the truth coursing through your veins, well, let’s just say that it’s different. It’s real. This is actually happening.
May your day be filled with joy and peace. May those around you bring you comfort. And, in these things may we be thankful.
Also…
May you be safe. If the stress and pressure mounts, May you find a peaceful place where your heart may be quiet. For soon enough the day will pass. Then, we may be thankful.
Here we are, folks! The holiday season is upon us. Turkeys will be roasting. Families and friends will gather for Feasting, Fun, and Fellowship. Soon, the holiday lights and Christmas trees will appear in lawns and windows. Cookies will be baked. (Some might even last long enough to be decorated!) Carols and hymns will be sung. Gifts will be exchanged.
Yippee!
Did I ever happen to tell you that I really, really hate this time of the year? And, no, Hate is not too strong of a word. I, and many, many others like me struggle every year at this time. Anxiety keeps me awake at night. I have to watch that anger doesn’t leak out and splash on everyone. My wife asked what I hoped to see happen this holiday season. I told her that I would really like to go to sleep on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and wake up on January 2. Of course, that was blown off with a “Bah humbug” response.
But, for a lot of us, this season isn’t something that can be easily blown off with light platitudes. The anxiety is real. Many of us also struggle with S.A.D. every year. That just adds to the mess that our hearts and minds become.
We do try to put on our holiday game face. “Joy to the World” and all of that. My desire to hibernate through the season hasn’t worked yet. So, I must play the part as best as I can. Keep the peace and all of that.
I’m sure that I’ll get through this year, just like I have every other year. January will come eventually and I can get my life back a little.
But, when you see me, or anyone else like me who struggles with this season, please don’t tell us to just get over it. Don’t mumble something like “Bah humbug” that only adds shame to our already full plate.
Give us space. We’ll get through this with or without your help. We always do.
In fact, we don’t want your advice. We’ve heard it. At least, I know that I’m taking steps to work through this time. So, thanks, but no thanks to the ‘helpful hints.’
