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Category: Calling

Sojourning for a Little While. Let’s Do It Right.

Published by mhelbert on March 4, 2024
On the Way shutterstock 723981925

Last week I wrote a rather harsh post directed toward those who say that they follow Jesus. I am so frustrated with my sisters and brothers who, like Esau who gave away his birthright as the firstborn because he was hungry. The quintessential short-sighted person. The Church has given away its birthright as well. And, for an equally short-sighted reason.
Political power and control.
Such a fickle mistress is politics. I have been around a long time and have seen political fortunes ebb and flow with the tide of public opinion. For the Body of Christ to embrace such nonsense is truly beyond frustrating.
I know that many, (most?), who read this think that I’m over reacting. All of this is simply a passing thing. Once humanity advances a bit more and becomes more empathetic and kind, these stone age ideas will pass just as the Neanderthal. There’s a problem with that thinking. Neanderthal DNA is still present in modern Homo Sapiens. It has persisted far beyond it’s original form. So shall the ideas and cultural baggage that my fellow pilgrims on this Way.
Let me give a couple of examples that I heard this past weekend. I was with some others having coffee. One of them spoke about someone who was a tad more liberal than he. Another person interjected something along the lines of, “What, is she some sort of liberal? Does she recognize the “Trans Movement”? The other said that it wasn’t about the “Trans Movement.”
The exchange was biting and hostile. And, a purely political exchange.
The same person who had replied to that earlier exchange shared a story about being in New York City for the Macy’s parade. After the parade there were apparently protesters outside of Macy’s. They were protesting Macy’s selling of mink coats. This person said that he went up to the protesters and made the statement that they must be Pro-Life. After all, if they protested the slaughter of animals they surely must be against the slaughter of innocent unborn children. He emphasized his argument until some of the protesters became uncomfortable. But, to him, this was a victory for God. I think that if he wanted to actually do something helpful he should have joined the protesters. After all, he is Pro-Life!
These examples seem to be insignificant to most people. Maybe you, dear reader. The ramblings of people who have no idea what the culture is moving toward. Ok. I’ll give you that.
For me, however, these are people who claim to believe in God the Father of Jesus. Their faith is wrapped up in how they interpret and understand the Scripture. The same Scripture that I love. This is painful for me. These folks have walked away from their First Love in order to embrace a particular political position. Then, they say that their position is godly and the Only True Way to Christian. In their judgment any deviation from their narrow, conservative political position amounts to heresy. And, heretics are to be stoned.
When I decry the way the Church has been compromised by the powers and politics of humanity I am sharing the pain that I feel. The pain that Jesus and the Church are being misrepresented by hateful people. The pain that the Church has allowed herself to be dragged down to such a level where she can no longer be the voice of God’s Love and Good Grace to the world. And, the pain that so many of my sisters and brothers are bound up in the chains which have lies for links.
If anything that I write or teach or preach may break some of those links, then I will rejoice.
If God’s Good Grace and Love may find a way into this world to reveal health and healing, that will answer prayers.
If I, and others, (I’m surely not alone in this), can represent Jesus and the Church in a way that honors both God and Humanity, my job will be done well.
So, when I rant about the Church and the ways in which she has been slandered and mislead, grant me some grace. This is my heart and my passion.

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More Questions to Think About

Published by mhelbert on June 29, 2020

I’ve spent a lot of time at this blog thingy writing about my trials and tribulations as a card carrying member of the Fundagelical Tribe. A lot of the reason for that is simply so that I can process my thoughts and feelings. After all, this is my blog and I can write whatever I like.
So, if I want to use it for therapeutic purposes, so be it!

I’ve spent the last 15 or so years deconstructing much of the theology and church stuff that I had been indoctrinated with. It takes a while to get 30+ years of stuff cleaned out so that you can take a clear look at what’s there. Good and not so good.
Deconstruction can only go so far, though. Eventually, ya gotta start to con-struct something new. I began that process by reading and studying progressive religious leaders. At the top of that list were Brian McLaren, Rev. Dr. William Barber II, Rob Bell, the late Rachel Held Evans, and many others. I found their perspectives on following Jesus rather than holding on to some kind of orthodox dogma refreshing as well as freeing.
These folks pointed toward what McLaren called, “A New Kind of Christianity.”
For me, that book proved life-changing. I suddenly found a stream that flowed with crisp, clear water that I slake my thirst for spirituality. I thank God for this grace that opened my heart and mind to the possibility of a Really, Big God who embraced us and loved us. This was quite different than the little, vindictive god that I had been taught about for so many years.

Now, after the search for life in the Church I have found a home. At least for now. I no longer think in terms of concrete ideas or doctrines. I have killed the idea of certainty and grown in its place a kind of light touch for things. For, who knows, I may learn something tomorrow that will again shake the foundations of life and faith and catapult me into an entirely new reality. It’s happened before. There’s no reason to think it won’t happen again.

Anyway, I digress.

The reason that I’m writing this today is to call out my progressive pals.
Yes, we have much in common. We seek to see justice carried out in our world…Now!
We believe that God cares about the Earth. After all, God did say that it was “Very Good.”
We know that Jesus cares about the Least of These and desires that we care for them.
The “Other,” the widow, orphan, and foreigner are as precious to God as any who would claim to follow Jesus. We MUST consider them precious.
I agree with most Progressives who see that God has placed in every human a Spark of the Divine. There is that Imago Dei, Image of God, that may be found in everyone. We must honor and help fan that Spark to Flame.

These are all good things. These are all Scriptural things.
These are all Godly things.

Yet, there is a lack.

While I feel more comfortable with Progressives, there is still something that prevents me fully embracing fellowship, Koinonia, with them. There is a blockage of some sort that inhibits unconditional acceptance.
I think that for many, (most?), Progressives there is a feeling of “Yes! We made it!”
They consider themselves ‘Woke’ believers who are on the path to a truly just world. All we need to do is get more folks ‘Woke’ like us! (I’m surprised there’s not a book by that title out there!)
For many of these folks the creation of a new World in which there is equality and justice and food and water and peace is something that the arc of history is inexorably bending toward. We just need to do our part to help bend it.

The Early Fathers had a name for this.
Pelagianism.
I’m not going to explain that right now. Y’all are capable of using Google.
But, in essence, it’s a theology of self-sufficiency that Augustine and others rightly rebuked.
This is not to say in the least the We Are Not Responsible for working for justice and peace. Jesus set us the example to do just that.

However, Jesus qualified his example.
He told people who questioned him that the things he did and taught were nothing more than what he saw his Father in Heaven doing and saying.
There is a lack in Progressive theology that doesn’t give enough importance to the Spiritual part of the equation. If equation is even a proper word to describe this.
They have the human side moving well. Progressives are front of the line for helping those in need. Money, time, energy, and gifting are all willingly, and rightly, offered in the work that we all have before us. For people to sit on their hands and say that they’ll ‘Pray for You’ is a cop-out that totally misses the mark of Faithfulness. Those folks continue to ‘fall short of the glory of God.’
The Progressive folks seem to skip over the parts of Scripture that call out our neediness for the Grace of God. Paul wrote about these folks as being ‘of the flesh.’ Basically, that’s theology-speak for someone who has a connection with the Spirit of God, yet continues to do things according to the merely human. They don’t feed and grow that spiritual connection that is truly the Life Line for anyone who desires to follow Jesus.

The life of a disciple is not simply a matter of thinking and doing the right stuff. It is that, for sure. But, it is also so much more.
It is sitting silently in God’s Presence listening.
It is communion with the Holy Spirit that directs and empowers the actions that we take.
It is child-like trust that God has ours and the Creation’s best interests in hand.

If there is one thing that I would encourage my Progressive sisters and brothers to understand, it’s that while we are in fact Children of God, Beloved and Cherished, Image Bearers of the Divine, we are also humans who Need God’s Empowering Spirit.
We cannot change the world and make it more just and loving without this.
The Kingdom of God cannot be established without God directly involved in bringing it to fruition.

Simply having our “Better Angels” guiding us is not enough.
We must walk in the Light and Spirit and Grace that is God’s Alone.

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On A Positive Note…

Published by mhelbert on April 16, 2020

I have spent a lot of time over the years trying to expose the negative side of the Church.
The abuses of authority; the harmful theology; the elevation of ME above all else.
These criticisms are well deserved. People have been harmed by the Church. And, it really doesn’t matter what flavor Church. Protestant, Roman Catholic, and Orthodox are all culpable in the abuses.
The public results of these abuses, besides lives ruined, includes the loss of any claim to the so-called Moral High Ground.
In other words, the Church has destroyed her ability to be a Blessing to the Cosmos.

So, what should things look like?
Honestly, no one can say for certain what God has planned for it.
But, we can sketch a few things.
Things that, rather than tearing down, may reveal a way forward in Love and Faithfulness.

So, let’s start.
In the beginning….

The writers of Holy Scripture were people just like us. They lived in a particular time, place, and culture that colored the words that they wrote. So, for them such things as a cosmos that was created Ex Nihilo was just the way things were.
These writers presented their readers with a problem. The problem was, God created the Heavens and the Earth. In God’s abundant Love humans were made for the expressed purpose of caring for the Earth as God’s Special Envoys. The intent was for humanity to embody God’s glory as Eikons of God. They would rule jointly with God over the creation.
But, there was a problem. Humanity could not live up to God’s calling. They were, after all, made of the same stuff that the cosmos was…dust.
Soon the problem came to a head when humanity took it upon themselves to listen to and embrace other creatures. Idolatry and the corruption that comes with that began to mar the Very Good Cosmos that God had made.
But, God was still convinced that humanity MUST be a part of God’s plan for guiding and caring for the World.
So, God ‘elected’ a family.
For those who know a little about the story of Israel, you will have heard of a guy named Abraham. God chose Abraham and his descendants to become the agents of God’s blessing for the Cosmos. The story continues through Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, to the selection of a community, Israel.
Israel’s history was checkered at best.
But, God had made a covenant with Abraham that, because of Abraham’s faithfulness to God’s promises, stated that the entire Cosmos would be blessed.
God took that Covenant seriously and was faithful to it in spite of Israel’s inability to live up to its calling.
In time, God, who had chosen Israel as the people through whom the blessing would come, raised up One Person from Israel.
This One Person became God’s own Image-bearer. An image-bearer who would do what the original humans, nor Israel, could.
Through the death of Jesus the problem of humanity’s inability to live up to God’s Glorious Calling at the beginning was solved. The resurrection of Jesus from the grave proved God’s faithfulness to set things right.

Ok, nice story.
But, so what?

God had done something that no one expected.
Because of the faithfulness of Jesus, all of humanity had the opportunity to share in Jesus’ faithfulness. We, in fact, have been joined together into the family of God’s Promise to Abraham. We are benefactors of God’s Covenant with Abraham.
God, in God’s own love and Being, put us into a Community.
A living Community where God’s own Spirit lives and brings life.
We are not a bunch of individuals going about our own personal business. Living in our own personal salvation.
No.
We are, as Peter wrote, ‘A royal priesthood and a Holy Nation.’

We. Belong. Together.

Together we are to be a blessing to the whole Cosmos.
Together we reflect the Glory of God to each other, to God, and to the World.
Together!
Together!

That is our hope and our calling.
And, that’s a good thing.

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Confirmed!

Published by mhelbert on November 25, 2019

Well, it’s official.
I am now a confirmed Episcopalian.

Yesterday I was one of 10 adults who stood in front of the Church where a bishop laid hands on us and welcomed us.

It was a bit weird.
Part of the Confirmation was that we state our intent to take Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.
Well, that’s something that I did nearly 50 years ago.
So, I guess this was more like a re-commitment to follow Jesus within the context of the Anglican Church.
Ok, I’m good with that.

What is significant for me, though, is that I am now accepted into a tradition that is ancient, yet modern.
It is larger than me, yet as small as my faith.

I have searched for nearly a decade for a Church community that I could embrace, and would embrace me.
A Church Home that is welcoming and inclusive.
A place where the Spirit of God lives and gives life.
Somewhere that diversity is sought and celebrated.

I have found that, and more, at St. Barnabas.

So, here I am, old and feeble, with yet another new beginning.

What will the future hold?

I haven’t a clue.

But, in this moment I am glad to be walking with these people, at this place, in this hour.

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Welcoming and Acceptance

Published by mhelbert on October 16, 2019

I’m going to take another day or two to reflect some more on the confirmation process that I’m currently taking part in at St. Barnabas.

There is a term that has been floating around for a few years now. That term is “Welcoming.”
Most of us use it to describe a person or place where anyone, regardless of who they are, what they think, what color their skin is or what gender they describe themselves as. It has become almost a password for progressives.
I can imagine someone walking up the the door in a 1920s speakeasy. The little port opens and a burly face with heavy eyebrows and a square chin looks out.
“Welcoming,” whispers the person on the outside.
The burly-guy then opens the door. The correct password was given.

And, for the most part, it’s really easy to say that we’re welcoming.

Especially, for churches.

I’ve been to churches where the priest or pastor stands in front, arms wide open and a big smile on their face as the proclaim, “Of course, we welcome LGBTQs here! I would love for them to come!”
Unspoken is, “So we can show them the love of Christ by pointing out what filthy, wretched sinners they are. Hallelujah!”

But, welcoming is not enough, I think.
Not nearly.

I think that something is bigger than that. And, far more difficult.
Something that comes closer to how Jesus, himself, treated people.

That is Acceptance.

Let me explain.
We can welcome a gay man into our group or fellowship. That’s really the easy part. Especially, if he doesn’t try to spread his gay cuties around.
But, can we accept that gay man, who is married, as our priest and pastor?
How about the divorced woman who was abused in her church? Can we accept her? Are we able to accept her pain as our own and allow ourselves to heal with her in our community? Can we accept her and the gifts that God has given her to be a fellow-worker in God’s garden with us?
What of the person who struggles with emotional or psychological stresses? We surely can welcome such a person so that he may find comfort and healing. Right?
But, can we accept such a one as a peer who is loved and gifted by the same Holy Spirit as we?

It’s easy to welcome and accept people who look, act, and think as we do.
“But, how does that make us any different than the pagan?”, Jesus asks.

I am glad that I am both welcomed and accepted at St. Barnabas.
I am ever so much more glad that St. Barnabas is becoming, not only welcoming, but accepting.

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Confirmation

Published by mhelbert on October 14, 2019

Well, tonight I begin the official process of becoming an Episcopalian. I have been attending a local parish for a bit over a year.
I had promised myself that I would spend a full year before making this leap. Over the course of that year I found a place to call ‘Home.’
I was kind of surprised to find the lively Presence of God there. I had come to this church with no expectations, really. I was simply looking for a liturgical church that I could show up to on Sundays. And, go back home on Sundays.
I knew that I would find Life in the Eucharist. There was no doubt about that. My own faith would carry me through that.
But, what I found was something well beyond my meager expectations.
I found a place where God seems OK with hanging out.
The people, simple folk, really seem to love each other. They even seem to LIKE each other!
Yeah! Go figure! Right?
So, tonight I, and several others, are beginning Confirmation classes.
Really.
Confirmation classes. Just like I went through when I was, what? 13?
Fortunately, everyone tonight will be adult.

Is this a lifetime commitment?
I don’t know.
But, for now, St. Barnabas will be my home.
I’m kind of excited about it.
It’s a new experience for me.

But, then again?

It feels like coming home.

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Take, Eat. This is My Body.

Published by mhelbert on December 17, 2018

Today, I want to ask a favor. These posts are no longer shared by me on social media. If you would, could you select one of the ‘Share’ buttons and share this on your social media account? Also, select ‘Subscribe’ so that you will receive E-mail notifications when new posts are posted. Thank you!

“Star Wars – A New Hope.”
Remember that?
It was called Part IV.
Part 4? We didn’t have Part 3, yet!
(Or, parts 1 & 2).
Interesting place to start a story. Right in the middle.
But, I digress.
I do want to touch on the idea of a “New Hope,” though.

In recent posts I was pretty hard on most organized religion. Especially, Evangelicalism. That’s where I came from, so I’m most  familiar with it. But, I don’t want to leave everything up in the air. There must be a better way to live and express the Faith that has been passed on from the beginning.

Many, (most?), have tried to box faith up in some kind of systematic way. People pore over the ancient texts trying to find common thoughts and ideas. They look for patterns of behavior in the characters who live within the pages. They try to separate the “Do’s” from the “Don’t’s.” Then, they package it up nicely and place a bow on top. This System is then presented to the faithful as the True way to Truly live Truthfully. What this ‘truly’does is enable people to do something, then pat themselves on the back for having done…it…whatever ‘It’ is.

I think that this process skews the truth rather than revealing it. It distills the Truth into bite-sized bits that people can munch on. But, in truth, it dilutes the Truth rendering it pretty much useless.

I share all of that so that maybe I can offer an alternative.

DISCLAIMER:
I really don’t know anything. I just want to toss this out there for consideration.

Ok, back to the alternative.

A couple of weeks back I wrote a kind of self-portrait in my journal how I felt that I had become hard. Descriptors like ‘granite’and ‘ice’ came to mind. I reflected on how I had built walls to keep people out. The walls had parapets from which I could cast down rocks and burning oil  to keep folks away. After all, weren’t they all foreigners? Invaders? Enemies  who desired to suck my life from me. Then…

“Take, eat. This is my body broken for you.”

“Take, drink. This is my blood poured out for you.”

WHAT?!

What kind of nonsense is that? That’s what Jesus said before He was crucified! What does that have to do with me?

I sat on that. Reflected on that. Chewed on that like a cow chews on cud.

I began to realize that as a person called to follow Jesus, I shouldn’t be surprised by the thought of self-giving. After all, isn’t that what God did?

“Take, eat.”

But, God?

“Take, drink.”

Really?

As Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem for the last time, he took the Twelve aside to tell them for the third and final time what was going to happen. He said to them, “We are going up to Jerusalem.” Previously, Jesus had only told them that “He” was going to Jerusalem. Now, he said, “We.”

“We are going to Jerusalem where I will be mocked and whipped and crucified.”

The story continues and Jesus promises two of his disciples that they, too, will share the cup that he was about to drink.

Where am I going with this?

The Church has created a place where people can feel good about themselves. We are glad to be a part of the ‘chosen few.’ We look forward to living forever, resurrected to new life. Yet, we forget that we have been asked to walk with Jesus to the bitter end.

“Take, eat. This is my body broken for you.”

Not just Jesus’ offering. It must be mine as well.

“Take, drink. This is my blood poured out for you.”

Jesus blood gives life. So, then, should mine.

This is the better way. This is not a ‘System’ that people can follow and feel good about themselves. There is certainly no “Us” or “Them” here. This is how granite is crushed and ice melted.

This is Truly the way to Life.

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Refreshed? Not Really, But I’m Back!

Published by mhelbert on October 15, 2018

I’m sitting at my desk. It’s 4:15 A.M. My diffuser is sending a cool mist smelling of Pumpkin Spice into the air.

One week ago I was preparing to take a road trip with my wife to Albany, NY. I had promised myself that I was going to take a break from the news, social media, and any distractions that may compete for my time. The current political state of the U.S. and the chaos that seems to reign in Washington, D.C. and the news media was eating at my soul.

I needed a break.

And, I needed it NOW!

I’m pleased to say that I was successful at turning things off. I turned of both television and computer. I spent a lot of time reading and taking care of some odds-n-ends that required my attention at home. A couple new door knobs on bedrooms, lawn cut and outdoor furniture stowed away for another year. You know, odds-n-ends.

Now, here it is a week later. My blood pressure is good. Well, that’s mostly due to the medication. But, laying low for a week helped I’m sure.

Did I have any great revelation while away?

No, not really.

However, I am going to make a couple changes for my own well-being. You see, I tried very hard to know what’s going on in the world. I listened to as much as I could from many conflicting sources. I didn’t want to spend all of my time in an echo chamber only hearing one side of a story in order to continually feed and reinforce any biases. And, I do hope to continue to listen to everyone that I can. There are some, though, that I must let go of.

Today I am going to go through my social media feeds and weed out many voices. These are voices that I truly love to listen to. But, they are voices that I don’t really need to hear. So, I will bid them fond farewell. I am going to restructure my Twitter feed. If I can’t do that in a satisfactory manner, I’m gonna ditch it all together. I intend to leave other media alone. For now.

I have a calling. Part of that is to write. Part is to listen, study, and think. (Some say that I do that too deeply. Oh, well.) I’ve got to focus on that more. Especially, the writing part. Not only here, but in other ways as well.

So, am I refreshed from my time away? No, not really. I’m still leaving in about an hour and a half to go back to work. Life moves forward without pause. It cares not a whit whether I’m feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed. But, I was able to draw my focus back a bit. Hopefully, that will be enough for now.

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A Confession

Published by mhelbert on April 12, 2018

Before I publish the last part of my series on the rapture, I must confess something.

No, nothing like that! Get your mind out of the gutter!

No, this is a confession about being torn.

Last week I shared on Facebook that I was having difficulty finishing this series. I wrote that I didn’t want to be mean. I even posted a video from Buckaroo Bonzai about not being mean.

Consequently, during my quiet time with God I sat with my doubts and concerns about this. How can I present a view that is opposed to one that is popularly held without being mean? This is what I wrote in my journal…

I’m still torn. So much of American Protestantism is built on lies. The lies are not stable. They cannot stand. Yet, people cling to them and build towers on them. These people are secure in the lies. The lies are like old friends. They are comforting. They are familiar.

They are lies.

The lies must be destroyed. The buildings and structures built upon them will fail and collapse. People will get hurt. Or, worse.

Some will survive the crash. These will flounder around like fish on the beach. They will try to grasp anything that appears secure. Anything to save themselves.

So, therein lies my dilemma.

The lies need to die.

But, how to kill them without killing the people?

It would be easy if the lies caused real pain and discomfort, like a bad tooth. Then the lies could be removed, like a tooth, and comfort would be restored.

But, the lies are comforting.

There is security in the lies.

There is prosperity in the lies.

Destroying them will be painful.

I don’t want to be vindictive toward those who protect and defend the lies.

Besides, who am I to decide what a lie even is?

Am I not committing the Sin of Certainty?

Yet, that too, is a lie.

There is no Certainty.

Not for us, anyway.

Maybe for God.

No, my dilemma grows.

So I cry out, “Avi! People are being crushed and killed by the Lies! Can we not rescue them without destroying the foundations of their lives?”

Avi replied, “If the foundation is a lie, how can truth be built upon it?”

 

So, I write. I dig. I confront. I can do nothing else.

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Wednesday Morning Musing

Published by mhelbert on November 8, 2017

I just finished reading “The Ocean at the End of  the Lane” by Neil Gaiman.

Near the end he wrote the following:

”I said, “You don’t have to take me home. I could stay with you. I could wait until Lettie comes back from the ocean. I could work on your farm, and carry stuff, and learn to drive a tractor.”

She said, “No,” but she said it kindly. “You get on with your own life, Lettie gave it to you. You just have to grow up and try and be worth it.”

A flash of resentment. It’s hard enough being alive, trying to survive in the world and find your place in it, to do the things you need to do to get by, with out wondering if the thing you just did, whatever it was, was worth someone having..if not died, then having given up her life. It wasn’t fair.”

When I read those words I felt the bitter sting of my own resentment. Not toward any other person. But, resentment toward myself. For, I too, know of someone who performed a similar sacrifice on my behalf. A sacrifice that I am ashamed to say that I have not ‘grown up and been worth it.’

I’ve allowed myself to be turned from the path I was given to trod.

“Be sensible.”
“Don’t be selfish.”
“Remember, you now have a family to support.”
“Go ahead and do that. But, remember, it’s ONLY a hobby. It can never be a real vocation.”
“Sit still and do this task.”
“You wrote this? Is there something wrong with you?”
“Get a hair cut!”
“Follow these rules and you’ll find true peace and happiness.”

“Jesus didn’t die so that you could do whatever you want!”

Didn’t he? What then was the purpose? So that I could live forever in some so-called paradise where I would still need to follow those rules? A place somewhere ‘out there’ where I would still need to conform to someone else’s idea of who I am?

No.

I don’t believe he did.

Someone wrote that Jesus once said, “ I came that life they may have, and abundantly they may have (it).” (Sometimes when translated word for word, Greek sounds kinda like Yoda talking!) If that’s true, what then constitutes that ‘abundant’ life?

 

Some say that giving in to the expectations that others have placed on us is that way. It’s a challenge that all caring humans must accept and engage in. Follow the rules; meet their expectations and the reward will be worth it.

Will it?

Others may respond with, “We must follow those rules so that an ordered society can flourish. It’s not about YOU! It’s about the greater good!”

Uh huh, yeah, I get it. My dreams, that part of me that should grow up to show that the sacrifice was worth it, should be suborned for the sake of others. So that by my sacrifice others will have this same obligation placed on their shoulders. Then they can do the same and the obligation for the greater good can spread exponentially throughout the world. Is THAT what you mean?

IS THAT THE ABUNDANT LIFE?

If it is, I am truly not interested.

Yes, I get it that we have responsibilities. We need to eat and pay the bills. We need to nurture and protect those whose lives are intertwined with our own. I’m not debating that at all. And, I do think that there is meaning and fulfillment in meeting those responsibilities.

But, what about nurturing and protecting that person who lives within me? That person for whom the sacrifice was made? Does that person get relegated to row ZZ in the upper deck? That’s what we’re taught. Isn’t it?

And, all the while I shrink. My spirit atrophies. I become a shriveled shell shackled and shamed into being someone I was never meant to be.

All of this tells me that, no, I haven’t been able to “be worth it.” Everything has been done with an eye to making someone else happy. That has led to some pretty harsh lapses. It seems that when we don’t care for ourselves, something inside eventually rebels and life can go to hell in a particle accelerator at nearly the speed of light. Then that shell becomes more than shriveled and shackled. It becomes shattered.

So, what now?
Where does someone turn for redemption?
For fulfillment?
For a glimpse of the ‘abundant life?’

I know that it may sound trite. But, I think that the only place to turn is to that person who offered that original sacrifice. I think that to touch the heart and mind of that person is key to unlocking the prison in which the true “me” lives. Or, the true “you.”

For me, it’s past time to break out and move forward. Sunday a Bishop of our Anglican church spoke. He shared several stories about people who asked God what they should do with their lives. They listened. They moved forward. They didn’t become rich and famous. Some would say they weren’t even all that successful. But, they lived their calling. They grew up and showed that the sacrifice made for them was truly worth it.

I hope that I can follow them. I hope when it’s all said and done the One Who sacrificed can look at me and say, “Yeah, it was worth it.”

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