Iron links entwined around our hands; our feet, Like Marley’s Shackles Hobble. Each loop forged and hammered with strength and skill. Created for imprisoning; wielded with weapon’s wide arc.
Aren’t we all constrained by fetters of our own making? Manacles strangle hands and feet to keep us in line, Trudging step by step, in lock step. Drum beating time so we don’t fall like so many dominoes.
“No, Children! Look up! Let Me Break These Chains That Bind! Freedom for Freedom’s Sake, May You All Be Loosed!”
Chains Drop! Forged Links Loosed! Gossamer threads appear and link our hands; our hearts. Hold each in gentleness and care. Love released to Wonder and Soar to the Heavens.
Maybe, it’s because we don’t know where to look. The stories tell us that You are a king, a Messiah. They tell us about how the ancient Israelites looked to their God for a deliverer. A king and savior who could rescue them from their enemies and establish them in the Land of Promise.
But, we are not ancient Israelites. In fact, we have no real connection to that ancient hope.
So, we have created our own crises and our own oppression. Then, we call on You to Deliver us; Redeem us; Save us. We have created as many Christs as are necessary to make us feel loved; safe; accepted.
In doing that, we have created You in our image. Like the song says, “You are our own personal Jesus. Now, I command that You save ME!” Because, after all is said and done, isn’t that what a savior is supposed to do?
Those of you who have visited here regularly, or who know me otherwise, know that I have a really passion for the Christian scriptures. Maybe, not for reasons that some may think. It’s not because the Scriptures themselves tell me to love them and meditate on them day and night. It’s certainly not because I think that all of the answers to life’s questions can be found in them. (Spoiler alert: They can’t.
It’s because they hold so much stuff in them! And, it’s fun to search them and mine for nuggets that I can take and put in my pocket.
Like today in our Bible study at St. Barnabas. One of the lections for today was from the book of Daniel. It was from one of the visions recorded that Daniel experienced. There were beasts and talking horns and a great throne with a white haired Guy sitting on it. There were flaming wheels and a molten river flowing from it. There were at least a bazillion angelic attendants around the throne. It was all quite a scene. Something from the mind of Spielberg, maybe. We discussed how the genre of this passage is something called Apocalypse. It was a genre used to help people who were oppressed or otherwise persecuted get a glimpse behind the curtain in order to see that God was still with them and working on their behalf. It had nothing to do with actual beasts or kingdoms or some kind of obscure prophecy that simple minds like Hal Lindsey and John Hagee could come along and exploit for their own profit. And, it was great fun to discuss this with folks.
One of my favorite things about reading the Scriptures, though, is when the writers agree with me. Yep! That’s pretty cool. Today I learned that the apostle Paul agrees with me on some things. In fact, I think that if Paul was alive today, we would agree on a lot. After all, he was a pretty smart guy.
In today’s New Testament lection, we read from Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus. He wrote about inheritances and calling and riches in glory. Good stuff! But, what struck me was the last part of today’s passage.
Paul wrote about Jesus,
“And He put all things in subjection under His feet, And gave Him as Head over all things to the Church, Which is His body, the fullness of Him Who fills all in all.”
If you read that carefully, you’ll notice that Paul seems to imply that the Church, or the Body, is somehow the fullness of Christ. Christ appears to need the Church in order to be complete.
Now, I know that there are folks who are gonna stop and say, “Whoa! Christ IS complete in Himself! He is Deity in human form. He has NO NEED for anything else to complete him!”
Ok. I can get behind that.
But, what then is Paul talking about?
I’m glad that you asked that question. Because it gets right to the point where Paul agrees with me. A Head with no body is, in fact, incomplete. A head can be a cool thing. But, actions like walking and touching and eating and such are pretty difficult without legs and hands and a stomach. Let me paraphrase what one person said, Christ’s love for the Church is so great that He can’t envision Himself as being complete without it somehow connected to Him, even as His own body.
We are needed and necessary to the plan of God’s redemption of the Cosmos. As I wrote before, we are co-workers with God as God establishes God’s reign on the Earth and in the Cosmos. We are not passive observers, fully fledged fellow laborers with Christ in the Garden of Christ’s redemption.
So, cudos to Paul for getting this right! I always knew that he had it in him!
Ok, I know! It’s November 1st, not January 1st. But, today is an anniversary of sorts for me that marks a rather significant milestone. Before I get to that, though, there is another milestone I want to share.
THIS IS MY 400TH BLOG POST! (And, the crowd goes wild!)
I went back and checked. My first post was written using Blogspot on December 12, 2009. Considering that it’s been a decade in the making, maybe 400 posts doesn’t seem like a lot. But, it is. Trust me.
The other reason that this is a significant date for me is that one year ago today I started my first NaNoWriMo. And, that ushered in a year of pretty substantial creativity from me.
I finished NaNo at the end of November with a novel of just over 50,000 words. During that month I learned a lot about the process of writing. I learned that to create anything takes hard work and showing up Every. Single. Day. I had to average almost 2,000 words per day in order to achieve the goal.
And, I did it!
One of the results of that experience was an increase in content output for me. Yeah, I didn’t show up a lot on this here blog thingy. Not nearly as much as I would have liked. But, I began what has now been a nearly year long process of introspection. I primarily use Journaling for that work. Right now I’m on my third journal since Jan. 1 and will be going out to buy a fourth this weekend. And, yes, Journaling is creative writing. It enables me to tap into the Creative River that courses through the Cosmos. Writing this way opens my Heart to the internal Pulse of Life that animates me as I walk through the fields of this life. I also continue to develop the discipline of showing up every day to think, create, and write.
So, yeah! It’s New Years for me!
Tonight I will begin the task that is NaNoWriMo 2019. In 30 days I hope to have another 50,000+ words completed. As near as I can tell, this is the Best Way to ring in a New Year!
(Or, the true story of a Fairy Princess Ballerina.)
For those few folks who know me, they will immediately wonder what I’ve been smoking. After all, I have the well-earned moniker Grumpy McGrumperson. But, this year I decided to do something a tad different. Something to, “keep ’em guessing.” So, Voila!
Maybe I’m just getting old and realize that sometimes we just gotta let our inner Weird out for a walk.
Or, maybe this is the true Me that I’ve spent my whole adult life stuffing into a box that is acceptable to everyone…but me.
“Burn!” cried the mob as the book pyre blazed in the night. “Death to Infidels; heretics; free thinkers!”
Death? Books can die?
This sentiment seems to be making a resurgence in some parts of the world. I mean, it’s never really been far from us. The some churches still believes that Harry Potter poses an existential danger because of the whole witches and wizards thing. At other times books that some so-called authority deemed ‘subversive,’ (re. Doesn’t agree with my opinion), have been collected and set ablaze as a public rebuke to anyone who might harbor similar positions.
But, books are not ideas. They may, at best, be the vessels in which ideas travel. Ideas, though, are by their very nature untouchable. And, incurable.
Ideas are like a virus that spreads by getting inside of a person at a cellular level, invading and capturing the minds of those who are exposed to them.
Ideas become a part of a person’s DNA. They are, by nature, invasive.
Yet, not foreign.
Not harmful.
In fact, they can produce vitality and health in those who harbor them deep within their hearts and minds.
Ideas CANNOT be stopped by destroying the vessels that carry them.
Even if those vessels are living, breathing human beings.
That, too, has been tried. How many “heretics” have been burned; fed to lions; hanged; drowned?
And, yet, the ideas live on.
“But,” some say, “ideas can lead people astray! They can put a person in harm’s way!”
Astray? NO! Emphatically, NO! Ideas may open our minds to other ideas. They may cause our minds and hearts to grow 2 sizes larger. They may make us more empathetic. But, astray? Nuh uh.
Ideas are what make us humans in the first place. They are the engine that pushes us forward.
Yes, ideas can also give some people reason to hurt, maim, or destroy. But, it will also be an idea that counters those who would act in that way.
Ideas are like a virus. They will infect us. They will change us.
The question that remains is, how will we embody these ideas? How will we live in a world where Ideas live, thrive, and yes, Infect?
The Western mind had been trained to see things in Binary terms. Right/Wrong Good/Evil White/Black On/Off
But, what if the Universe doesn’t work that way? What if there can be Right/Right?
In most stories people who lead so-called “double lives” are generally cast as immoral. Or, at the very least, amoral. They can’t possibly be virtuous. In fact, theirs is a life defined by vice. It is vulgar and without any redeeming value.
The story that I plan to work on this year during NaNoWriMo is one in which I hope to look at the possibility that Right isn’t always quite Right. Perhaps there are degrees of “Rightness.” And, what happens when someone finds themselves with lives that exist in two different realities must straddle that gulf where what is Good and Acceptable in one reality may be entirely different that that in the other.
Can that person be called Virtuous?
Or, would that person be a Victim? Victimizer?
I don’t know for sure where the story will lead. That’s one of the cool things about creating worlds and stories to populate them. They can take on a life of their own. Perhaps, to the mountain peaks. Perhaps, into Alice’s rabbit hole. The journey should be interesting.
For who truly knows where Light ends and Light begins?
Yesterday I wrote a bit about the role that Emotion and Passion can play in the creative process. Yeah, they can be good motivators. And, if Passion is properly channeled, as in having a Passion for the work rather than being driven by some external event, it can be quite helpful. I mean, how many times have we stopped doing something that we once loved to do because we “lost our passion” for it? Lord knows I have! At one time I would strap on a guitar and it would stay there for up to 8 hours! Simply because I was passionate about learning and playing. Now? I think it’s been at least 2 years since I opened the case.
That example kind of points to where I am going with this post.
This morning during my daily quiet time I opened my journal to write.
Crickets.
There was not one thought or idea the came to the front of my brain demanding to find its way on to the blank page. This seems to happen way more often than when so-called “inspiration” strikes.
So, I wrote that down.
“I got nuthin'”.
These are the times when we creative folk need to show up and do the hard work of, well, creating. We can’t count on some great inspiration to ignite our passions so that we can create that Great Magnum Opus that we all know is just waiting to be birthed from the fertile soil of our imagination! Yippee! No, these are the times when we just need to get down to business and create something. Anything. No matter how bad or uninspired. Write! Play! Dance! Whatever the expression that we have, we need to use! Yes, it’s true that, as Thomas Edison said, “Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.” For those of us who aspire to create stuff, the ratio may be more like .5% inspiration and 99.5% perspiration. At least, that’s how it feels to me sometimes.
Creating things, whether cobbling words together, making music, or building a bat house, is all hard work. And, it takes discipline to stick to the tasks we’ve been given.
Especially, when it’s Just Not Happening, we need to Make. It. Happen.
I noticed something over the last few weeks. While I’ve been emotionally on edge, I have also experienced a creative burst. I have written poetry, blog posts, and journaled more pages than I have in ages. Is there a direct correlation? Maybe.
I stepped back a bit and viewed that last year as well as the recent weeks. I noticed that since about this time last year there has been an uptick in the number of words that I’ve produced. Last year I complete a first draft of a novel, over 50,000 word. Journaling has increased. I’m currently half way through my third journal since Jan. 1. Blogging hasn’t grown as much as other media, but the amount of content did increas over previous years.
So, why quibble over these things?
Well, for one, I’m a Creative and we kinda keep track of things like this. I mean, we need something to obsess over, right?
Another reason is so that I can track patterns. I take notice of periods of greater output and try to see if there’s something different that I can use to keep producing. Yeah, there it is, pure analytics. Sheesh! That hurts my brain.
What I noticed is that nothing keeps the creative juices flowing like simply putting in the time. For NaNo last years, I had to get over 1,600 words per day written in order to complete the challenge of 50,000+ words. That requires showing up every day and leaking words onto a computer. It’s hard work. But, it’s good work.
However, passion and emotion play a very small part in that work. It’s nose to the grindstone stuff that keeps the process moving.
So, what about the recent spate of words that I link to raw emotions?
I think that while the work itself requires discipline to actually do something, passion like I’ve recently experienced can act like rocket fuel. It super-charges the creative juices so that they start to boil and roil and toil with added intensity. That’s all well and good. I think that any endeavor can use that kind of boost. The problem, however, is that rocket fuel burns hot and fast.
And, it may burn you.
Badly.
I think that I got a bit singed here recently. Its blisters are painful.
But, I can’t let that be an excuse to back away from the River of Creativity that runs through the Cosmos. I still need to get my toes into the flow and do the work.
Who knows what kind of nuggets I can find in that river? Hopefully, shiny ones.
Today’s Tuesday. Yesterday, well, that was Monday. And, I didn’t post anything. Sorry if the 2 of you who actually visit here missed me. But, I was unable to write. Not because I was too busy with other tasks. That’s never really stopped me before. If I have something that needs to crawl out of my brain and onto the Internet, Well By Gawd, I’m gonna get it out there! No, I had different impediments. Stuff that does, in fact, keep the crawly stuff locked up inside. First, I haven’t been sleeping well. And, Sunday into Monday I was working on about 5 hours. That’s after weeks of maybe 6 hours on average. My mind simply said, “Nope. Not thinking today. And, there’s nothing you can do about. Nya Nya Nya.” And, my mind was right. There was nothing gonna shake any words loose. The other thing happening was that I was an emotional wreck. My mind said it was too tired to write, but, Hoo Boy, not too tired to race around like a squirrel on crack. I could not have put two cogent thoughts together if my life depended on it. Thankfully, it didn’t.
So, what’s going on?
I’ve shared a little bit about the journey that I’m presently walking. Emotions, Passions, Thoughts, you know, all that sensitive artist kind of crap. And, I have to tell you, this journey is fraught with all kinds of pits and obstacles and beasties and such. But, it is a journey that I must undertake. Now. At this time in my life.
I’m finding that with all of the hope that I had earlier in life to embody Mr. Spock from Star Trek, I am too human. My emotions leak all over me like the oil pan of one of my old cars used to leak all over my driveway. And, these emotions can be just as much of a sticky mess and hard to clean up. Maybe, harder.
I’ve discovered that I am hyper-insecure. As I look back over my life and look deeply into my heart, I have always been like that. I fear rejection, for sure. More importantly, I think that I fear not being accepted.
So, I push for responses that might give me a glimmer of hope that you, (whoever that is), might give me that I’m not the waste of skin that I feel that I truly am. I say and do things that we both will regret. Not because I’m a creep or some narcissistic boor. But, because I’m afloat in a sea of doubt surrounded by the dense fog of uncertainty.
Now, some shrink may look at me and say something about how I must have felt rejection when another child was brought into my childhood home. Mom and Dad had to set me aside so they could include the newly added soul. Or, they might say that there is a hidden memory and wound from being given up by my birth mother for adoption. Lord knows I’ve heard that before.
Or, maybe, just maybe this is how I’m wired. Nothing broken. No wounds or hurts. It’s just part of my Melancholic personality type.
Honestly, I don’t know where the roots of insecurity lie. Don’t know if it’s even important to know. The fact is, this is where I am and I need to deal with it.
Deal with it? What’s that mean?
Hell, I don’t know. Fix it? Heal it?
Learn to embrace it and live with it? Maybe, someday be able to celebrate it?
I honestly don’t know. And, I may, (re. Probably), never know.
I do know, however, that I am what I am and that’s all that I am. So, the journey continues.
