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Category: Musings

Epiphany & Politics

I don’t usually make resolutions at the New Year. They seem to be an exercise in futility that I choose not to waste time or brain cells on. This year is not exception. However, I close to that by deciding to try and limit political statements on my blog.

I know, I know…you’re all disappointed that my wit and wisdom won’t spend a lot of time in the political arena. But, let’s be honest. Today’s political culture is really low-hanging fruit. Plus, it has become far too divisive. That’s one of the main reasons that I decided to leave social media. My heart draws me toward unity, not division.

There are times, though, when there is an overlap.

This is one of those.

Yesterday the Church celebrated Epiphany. That’s commonly the day when we tell the story of the Magi who travelled from Persia to Bethlehem in order worship the new King of Israel. They brought their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. You know the story.

There is part of the story that doesn’t get so much fanfare. It’s this part of the story that is very political. It’s this part of the story that I want to address.

The Magi saw something in the stars that piqued their interest and imagination. They realized that something big had happened about 1,000 miles to the West. A star had arisen that signified a Royal birth. A King! Now, I don’t know if they saw new stars pop up every time that a king was born somewhere in the world. But, Matthew recorded that this time, there was a star that caught the eyes of these learned people.

The Magi decided that it was time for a road trip. They packed the family caravan, (not Dodge), and headed toward Jerusalem. After all, Jerusalem was the nation’s capital. Where else would you look for a king?

When they got to Jerusalem to pay homage to the new born king, they were met with crickets.

“New born king? Here? Uhhh…we better check with the king. You know. The one that’s currently sitting on the throne.”

So, the folks in the court went to the king, a guy named Herod the Great. He had a healthy ego. And, a healthier case of paranoia. Herod was not a king from any of the possible royal lines of Palestine. He was a puppet king installed by the Roman Senate. It was a reward for his support of Rome in one of their wars. So, when the Magi show up with a story about a king, one who was actually BORN king, and not merely appointed, he got nervous.

He put on his best political face and asked the Magi how they knew about this new king. The Magi told him about the star. So, Herod asked his own experts about it. They explained how the old stories told about how a king would be born in Bethlehem. This king would save his people.

Herod deeply troubled by all of this. And, because Herod had a reputation for being a bit unhinged, violently so, the text states that all of Jerusalem was trouble with him.

Anyway, Herod told the Magi where to find the new king. He also requested that the Magi return to him after they found him. Because, of course, Herod would want to go and bow before the one person on the planet who could take his crown away from him.

This is where the story that winds up on Christmas cards comes in. The Magi get to Bethlehem and find the child. The cards usually show the Magi standing with their gifts around the Jesus lying in a manger. There are shepherds and angels and nice barnyard animals around. Of course, there is a star above with rays that shine down around the scene. Everything is so pretty and nice.

What we don’t talk about, though, is what happened next.

Because the Magi went to Jerusalem and informed Herod the Paranoid, then went back to Persia without swinging back through Jerusalem, Herod lost it. Matthew recorded that Herod sent his Death Squads to Bethlehem with orders to kill every male child under the age of 2 years. Although there is no independent source that tells us about this, what the Church now calls the Slaughter of the Innocents, it is something that would be totally in character for Herod. Herod, about whom Caesar Augustus is reported to have said, “It would be better to be one of Herod’s pigs than one of his sons.”

The scripture that you’ll never find on any Christmas card tells of this:

Then was fulfilled what had been spoken through the prophet Jeremiah:
A voice was heard in Ramah,
wailing and loud lamentation,
Rachel weeping for her children;
she refused to be consoled, because they are no more.
–Matthew 2:17, 18

Fortunately, Jesus’ dad, Joseph, had a dream and took Jesus and his Mom to Egypt where they lived as refugees.

Ok. So where’s the part about politics?

Let’s use some contemporary terms and see if it doesn’t help clear that up a bit.

The Child, Jesus, was the one who Herod wanted to kill. Only, he didn’t know that for certain. So, he ordered all young boys killed. Brian Zahnd has put his finger on how this might be better understood by those of us in the 21st century, “modern day kings and kingdoms have sanitized it with the Orwellian term ‘collateral damage’.”

Collateral damage. We’ve all heard of that. You know, when a drone takes out a wedding celebration when they only want to hit one person.

Herod was a frightened tyrant who was the puppet of Roman tyrants. As such, he only understood crushing power. He also knew that if he didn’t act with power, he would likely be eliminated by it. So, he crushed the children of Bethlehem.

Things haven’t really changed since then. There are still cowardly tyrants who care not a whit for anything but their own hold on power. They accept “collateral damage” as the price of doing business.

But, followers of the original “Boy who lived” are not like that. We must choose, as Zahnd wrote, “between the sword and the cross. We have to decide if we’ll pledge our allegiance to the Empire of Power or the Empire of Love, but we can’t do both.”

That, my friends, is why this story is political.

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I Am Becoming…

Bush that burns, but is not consumed

Who are You?
Whom shall I say sent me?
“I Am That I Am.
You will tell them that I Am has sent you.
I Am the One who exists at this moment.
Absolute. Unchangeable. Ever-living.
I Will Be Whom I Am Becoming.
Ever revealing My redemption.
I Will Be what you look for and need.
I Will Be Whom I Will Be.
Not yet revealed. Not yet known.”

God has been called many names. It seems that people are always looking for ways to describe that which is indescribable. There is one name, however, that was recorded as the self-identifier of God.
The short verse above is a play on that.
The name “I Am the I Am” has been the most popular. People use this to make God something that is far beyond our limited ability to understand. God simply ‘IS.’ God exists. God is wholly ‘Other.’
Yet, this God spoke to Moses as one Person to another. Intimate. Personal.
Others interpret the Name actively. “I Am Becoming,” or, “I Will Be.” This has the flavor of something that isn’t quite done growing. It’s nature is not complete. Or, has not been revealed in its completeness. This is the God that I give my allegiance to. The Living God who will outgrow any box with which we try to confine. This is the God Who may be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. But, it is impossible for me to know what that was, is, or may become.
Because God is always Becoming God.

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Where Do You See God?

Where do you see God in that?

That’s the stock question of just about all Spiritual Directors. No matter how mundane or boring an experience may be.

Where do you see God in that?

Well, the poet may answer, “I see God in the fragile bloom of the flower; in the high cloud tracking across the vast ocean of the sky; in the smile and coo of a new born infant.”

That’s all nice and sentimental and all.

But, where does the person who struggles with a meaningless job every day of his or her life see God? The person who always seems to find more month at the end of the money? What about the person whose mind is wired in such a way that life is always a near impossible task? The person whose lithe and strong body has become a painful, hulking mass that can barely stand on its own because age has snatched the vitality from it? What about the billions of people who do not hunger and thirst for righteousness, but for actual food and water?

Where do you see God in that?

Perhaps, the only God that these people will actually see is you. Or, me.

We used to talk about the Church being God’s hands and feet in this world. It was always used in the context of evangelism. If we didn’t go as Christ’s ambassadors in order to bring Christ’s reign to all of those poor, lost souls, then how could they be saved? Of course, it they had real felt needs that required food or shelter, we could maybe help with that. But, our main purpose was to get those lost souls saved!

Where do you see God in that?

As I’ve gotten older I find that I can no longer support that idea. Mostly, because when people talk about getting ‘saved’ I really don’t know what they’re talking about. Saved from what? Eternity in someplace called ‘Hell’? No, I can’t go there. I simply don’t think such a place exists.

But, I digress. That’s a topic for another time.

Spiritual Directors want their directees’ eyes and hearts open to see God working in their own lives. A person is guided in the hope that they will be aware…mindful…of the slight changes in how they perceive God’s hands working in the quiet spaces of the heart. How have the skilled hands of the Potter been adding just a ‘wee bit o’ pressure’ in that spot? What has that slight change of touch changed the contours of the clay?

This is hard work. If it was easy, we wouldn’t need directors to help us see these things. As it is, the Director asks questions intended to drill down deeply within us so that we may see the runes and pictographs that God has drawn in our hearts.

For me, the journey has been long and fraught. Learning how to use the proper tools for spiritual spelunking is not easy. I’m still trying to recognize and read the signs of God’s passing and presence. Sometime the way is well-lit. Most of the time it is dark and obscure. I have to try and find some way to kindle a light. Perhaps, one day I’ll learn how to have a light available all of the time.

That day is not today.

Today, I grope around like a blind man. Arms outstretched, exploring the darkness trying to avoid running into a solid wall. I take each tentative step with a shuffle of my feet so that I don’t step into a chasm or trip over a rock…a corpse. I strain my mind to listen for any sound that might reveal my surrounding environment.

Is that the sound of water dripping? Perhaps, the low whisper of a breeze passing along the path I should take? The approach of some beast that has brooded silently within me for years? Growing and feasting on the rotting flesh that I have fed it? Maybe I have cut its supply of food and it’s prowling about hunting for its next meal.

Where do you see God in that?

Somewhere near…just behind the veil.

Seek. And, you will find.

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What is Corporate Worship for the Church? Here’s One Person’s Take

Many, many years ago I was the music leader at a small, charismatic church. Back then we called the position I held the Worship leader. It was my job to prepare music and other resources like readings drama for Sunday services. I spent a lot of time and money finding, purchasing, and arranging music for the limited team that we had. Some folks might think that it’s easy to take a full band arrangement and scaling it back for 2-3 pieces and a vocalist or 2. It’s not.

I remember one time we had some visiting missionaries. One of the members of that team questioned why I had the music and stuff all ready prior to the service. She thought that true spiritual worship had to “flow” from the Holy Spirit at that very moment. Even preparing music a day ahead of time would potentially stifle the movement of the Spirit. At that time I was pretty sure that the Holy Spirit was capable of knowing what was coming in some distant future. I could prepare for that time right now and it would be perfectly in line with what God desired.

But, even that has the potential to be off the mark.

I have since begun to believe that corporate worship for the Church should contain those things that make the Church remarkable. These things are the Word and the Table. Anything more than those can be done, and usually much better, by people outside of the Church. So, I have to say that I totally agree with what Jonathan Aigner wrote below.

Please note that I think that what Aigner wrote is appropriate for corporate worship. Other forms of prayer and singing may be quite appropriate for other occasions.

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Back to Work

Hey! Any New Year resolutions out there?
Any that haven’t been broken yet?
I resolved many years ago not to make any. That way I don’t break them. Besides, if a resolution can’t be turned into a consistent lifestyle change it’s only a fad. I try to stay away from those. When I was younger and followed the fad du jour all I did was spend a lot of money on clothes that I would wear for a month. Then, off to Goodwill or something. I had to make room for the newest fad for whatever.
I do hope this year to work on the Grumpy McGrumperson thing. Not so that I get better at being a Grump. I want to de-Grump a bit. We’ll see. I’m really good at Grumpying. And, I always like to play to my strengths. This may be one, though, that’s in need of a Grumpectomy.
Went back to work today after a couple weeks off. It was good to see some of the people. Wish everyone Happy New Year and such. Work is such a bother sometimes, though. I was getting used to spending 3-4 hours in the morning in silence and writing. Now, I barely have 1 1/2 hours. After work is really not a good time for creative things. My brain is usually mush when I get home. I may need to adjust that, though. I have one novel to start the re-write process. Plus, I started another story over the weekend. Those two projects along with trying to keep up with this blog, housework, and getting some physical activity in is difficult. Especially when you’re a feeble, old fart like me.
Anyway, that’s all for now.
If you want to share your own resolutions, just use the Comments.

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2018 – A Reflection

Well, it’s that time again. You know, when everyone who has access to the internet shares their views on the year that is now closing. There will be pundits who go over every little bit of political detritus so that they can show everyone how politically astute they are. There will be others who will share with us all of the tech milestones that we have passed. The latest smartphone or Alexa type device will be hailed as the greatest development since the automatic bread slicer. Others will write about entertainment or sports happenings. They will want us to know who the movers and shakers of the industry were. And, they’ll tell us about all of the folks who began 2018 but didn’t survive to ring it out.

I’m not going to do any of that. No, I’m going to keep it personal. Not that my life this past year has been in any way newsworthy. It hasn’t. I am pretty sure, though, that any one who reads this, (maybe both of you!), will be able to relate. After all, none of us are entertainment or sports stars. We don’t hang out in the halls of government. Nor do we own the World Wide Web. I think that we’re all pretty much the same. Just regular folks trying to get by.

So, what happened…

Well, one thing that I don’t think that you can relate to is that as of yesterday I have been sober for one year. “What?” you ask. “You had a drinking problem?” Well, it depends on how you look at it. From where I was in 2017 I could say, “Problem? I drink, I get drunk, I fall asleep. See? No problem.” The truth, though, is that I do have a problem. So, going all through 2018 without imbibing is a pretty big deal.

Perhaps as a result of the first thing, I spent more time on personal fitness. After all, I’m getting to be an old fart. I already had one heart attack. I seriously don’t want a repeat of that. In fact, during June and July I averaged nearly 100 miles walking. I completed the equivalent of a half marathon twice. I slowed down a bit during August and September because of weather. Plus, I had other activities that helped keep me fit. I hope to continue working at this in 2019.

I spent more time writing in 2018 than in previous years. Some of you are aware that I completed NaNoWriMo in November. 50,000+ words in just under 30 days. I also completed that novel by the second week of December. And, I just started a second a couple days ago. Although, I’m under no time constraints with this one. Maybe, by spring I’ll have a first draft. I also decided to pick up the pace here a bit. Whether anyone reads these posts or not, I have continued to write and share. Hopefully, that’ll continue into the new year.

One of the more obscure things that I did was to confirm with a financial advisor that I will, in fact, be able to retire before I reach 70. That was welcome news. Although,that won’t become a reality until 2020, it is something to look forward to. I will never truly retire and become a snow bird traveling between the North and Florida. But, I will no longer be working for someone else.

The biggest accomplishment, though, is the fact that I made it through another year alive and fairly well. It has required an effort to accomplish this. The stuff I wrote above played a large part in making it. I am grateful to those who have had my back during this year, and previous ones. And, I’m learning how to let gratitude continue to grow.

Yeah, 2018 had some rough moments. But, overall I think that it lived well. Soon, that old guy, Father Time, will swing his sickle and all of those past moments will be reaped and stored into the barns of Eternity. From there we can access them, process the grain, and the memories can then sustain us as week walk into the unknown of 2019.

Blessings to you!

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Old Year; New Day

Well, there’s one more day left in this ol’ year. Soon, the ball will drop and a brand, spankin’ new year will miraculously appear. But, I’ll have more to say about that tomorrow. Today I just want to reflect on a couple of things. Being a melancholy introvert will cause such reflection.

Today, while I sat quietly at my desk, letting the soft living light of candles illuminate me, I looked back over the last, (what’s it been?), sixty some odd years. Maybe reflecting like that is the prerogative of the old and the ‘well-on-their-way-to-being-old.’

I see in my backwards-looking crystal orb much to be glad and happy about. The fact that I’ve lived this long is one of them. There are, of course, the usual milestones that reveal happy moments. For those I am extremely glad. How bleak and barren life would have been without them.

But, then, there are the regrets. Now, I know all of the cliches that people like to toss around when the topic of regret is brought up. I know that there is a lot of truth in those sayings. There is a lot of truth in the pain of regret, also. It’s a real thing and will not be denied its pound of flesh.

Why, for instance, didn’t I follow my heart? There are so many stories out there about “being true to yourself,” or “follow your dreams,” or “let the desire of your heart lead you.”

Fairy tales.

That’s not how life is lived in the “real world.”

In the real world you need to “toe the line”; “keep your nose to the grindstone”; “don’t make waves.” You must be responsible and sensible. Get a job! Find someone good to marry. Raise a family.

And, I have to say, all of those can be good things. Very good things.

But, are the Fairy Tale world and the ‘Real’ world mutually exclusive?

The obvious answer is, of course, no they’re not. Many people live in both worlds very successfully.

Many don’t, though.

And, for those there are regrets.

At this time, when the old year wanes, is a good time to reflect. To assess the course steered through the years. As I stand on the bridge of the ship and look back at the wake thrown by it, I see a crazy zigging and zagging. A true ship’s captain would have followed a course that would have created a ruler straight wake.

But, that’s not my way. Never has been.

What of the future?

Ah, that!

Well, no time of reflection is complete without considering hope. Is there hope in tomorrow?

Yes!

There must be. Else, why continue on?

I have hope that the time lost may be redeemed. Somehow. In days past I would have added “God willing.” I no longer trust that. I wasted too much time waiting for God to be willing. Now, I say, “Yeah! If I can pull my head out of my arse and DO SOMETHING!”

I, just like you, was born with certain abilities and talents. I spent too many years squandering mine. Perhaps, tomorrow, or in the New Year, I’ll actually employ those things. So, yeah, there is hope.

And, just maybe we can all look toward what is to come with a firm will and eyes shining in the light of a new day.

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It’s Not Always Light

God? You there? It’s just me again. I was wondering if, maybe, we could chat a bit?

You know that this year, 2018, is just about spent. Soon 2019 will be kick starting. Hopefully, it’ll start without too much of a backfire. A great belch that would be appropriate, I guess, with the parties and such happening.

But, what’s there to look forward to? I mean, it looks pretty much the same as the old year. Right?

“Same as it ever was; same as it ever was.”

Didn’t that writer, Qoheleth, write something like that way back in the B(efore) C(herrios)? There is nothing new under the sun. All is vanity.

“Same as it ever was.”

Is that really how it is, though?

People say that something new actually did happen once. (In a dream? In a parallel universe?) A Child was born who grew up to change the world. What was his name again? Oh, yeah, Jesus son of Joseph. Things weren’t the same as they ever were.

But, did it mean anything, God? Say true now, did that man child’s life really change anything? Anything at all? Actually, from here it sometimes looks as though he had never been born. People are the same as they ever were.

Greed; Fear; Hatred.

These have raged on unabated. Nothing has hindered them in the least!

They linger like Smog over LA in the 70s stinging eyes and burning lungs. Hearts fail.

How Long, O Lord? How Long?

Still, there are places where a cool wind flows over the landscape like clear water flows over the rocks in the bed of a mountain stream. Like pinpricks of light in the heavens these tiny swirls of Spirit’s Breath stir the smog and reveal small patches of green where seeds that were hidden in the soft loam strive upward. The sudden warmth of the Sun racing through the break in the smog touches the fragile life within the seedling urging it heavenward. The green stem reaching, hoping to bloom and blossom. Fresh, new scents fill the void left by the dispersing stench of the smog.

Fresh.

Live giving.

But, God? There are too few of these places. Greed, Fear, and Hatred overwhelm them before the fragrance of these precious blossoms can work their healing magic. The weight of them is far too great for the Lightness of the Breath!

We need more than a simple exhalation of Breath. A Hurricane! A Mighty, Rushing Wind that can displace and destroy those powers. Rain to wash the soot and stench away forever!

God replied, “But, you are the Breath.”

I’m sorry, God. That’s no help. I don’t see any hope in that. Where is the plus side?

“Same as it ever was.”

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The Wheel

Wheel turns inexorably onward.
Where does it lead?
Nowhere.
Turning, it turns within another…larger.
Others attach and spin faster and faster.
Yet, going nowhere.
Only round and round and round she goes!
Where she stops, nobody knows!

Hands on a face.
Covering tears.
Hiding zits.
Put away shame.
Yet, the wheel turns inexorably onward.

Why do they call them hands?
They look more like spears.
Weapons in the hands of the wheels.
But, the wheels have no hands.

Grow; Age; Rot…
What if the turning stopped?
Would that keep the rot away?
Would the rot rot?

Wheels in the sky keep turning.
When to sow; when to reap.
When to fertilize the seed.

The wheel begins another turn.

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The Day After Christmas…

Well, we made it. Another Christmas holiday in the books. The hustle and the bustle have hustled and bustled stage left. They’ll be kept in storage and refurbished for next year. No more Mariah Carey’s requesting “All I Want for Christmas is You.” Drum and fife, “Pat a Pan,” cleaned and put into their cases. Soon, the trees and decorations in our homes will also be returned to their own storage boxes and shelves. We’ll clean up the glitter and finish eating the cookies and candy. Those stockings that were hung by the chimney with care have been emptied of the goodies that Old St. Nick filled them with.

The build up to the holiday was, for many, fraught with anxiety and stress. Yesterday was the culmination of all of that nervous energy. Now, the pressure has been released and we can get back to normal life. “Survived again!”

For others the slow rise toward Christmas was a journey in growing awe and wonder. Every gift made or purchased. Every card received or sent. Every snowflake falling from a slate, gray sky. All part of the mystery and holiness of the season.

Christmas has always been a dreaded thing. Too much stuff to pack into one month. Too many unreasonable expectations. Seasonal Affective Disorder doesn’t help much, either. But this year it was different. The anxiety level was good. Yeah, there were moments when it felt as though the roof might cave in. Thankfully, those moments were few and far between. For those who know me, this was a Christmas miracle!

For me, too.

What was different this year? I was on vacation from work. However, I take this time off every year. I had all shopping and wrapping done almost a week early. That’s a first! I’m usually ‘wrapping’ that up on Christmas day! Maybe that helped a bit. I wasn’t rushed right up to the last minute. I don’t think that alone could bring about a change in attitude like I experienced.

It could be that this was the first Christmas in I don’t know how many years that I spent completely sober. It’s been nearly 12 months since I had anything at all to drink. That may have been fruit that has grown. I don’t think that was at the root of things this year.

No, I think that this year I took time to reflect on things. I awoke each day and took time to sit before my God in silence. I found something in that time that I hadn’t seen too much of before. It was Grace and Presence that evoked Thanks in me. Yeah, I think that was the difference this year. I found a way to express gratitude. Not just to God. But, gratitude for the people around me. Hey, we were all going through this together, weren’t we? So, I was thankful for companions on the way. We’ve shared struggles and dashed hopes, for sure. We also had times of triumph and dreams realized.

This year it wasn’t Me Against the World. And, I am thankful for that. It was Us walking the path together.

I include all of You in that “Us.”

So, thank you. May you be blessed now, and as we rush toward the flip of another calendar page.

Thank you!

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