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Category: Musings

In The Beginning….

Blazing Bubble Bursts!

White hot atoms form!

Escape!

Where shall we build it?

Everywhere! Anywhere! Go!

Now!

And, so it was formed.

Every color and form.

Look!

Singularity.

All has arisen!

Behold!

And, it was all Good!

It was Very Good!

 

As I’ve struggled with trying to discover an answer to my question, “Who Are You God…Really?” I was drawn to the initial spark that became the Cosmos. Who is God in relation to all that we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch? And, what does that have to do with me getting up every day and driving into the city to work? Or, returning home to family and responsibilities and, well, just “Life” stuff.

The short verse I wrote is built with 2 lines of 5 syllables followed by an exclamation.

Except for the end where the last 2 lines leave off into space where all sorts of possibilities live.

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How Dare You?

YOU LEFT ME!

How Dare You Do That To Me!

You didn’t say ‘Goodbye’!

You didn’t even leave a note on the bedside table!

Don’t all of the years we spent together mean anything to you?!?

We laughed and we loved.

We travelled together. We slept together.

I thought that we would be together ALWAYS!!!

You Promised That You Would Never Leave Me!

And Now!

Now, You just died and left me alone!

 

I wrote this as I was thinking about a friend of mine who lost a loved one. Could part of our mourning process involve resolving anger that we may have toward that person? They did, after all, leave us alone without warning.

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Not Enough Ink

I thought that if I just hid under the coral it would protect me.

Yet, you found me.

I changed the color of my skin so I could blend into the sand below.

Yet, you found me.

Jet away! Release a cloud of inky blackness to confuse you.!

Yet…you found me.

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But, I Thought You Were Dead

Where to start…
“It was a dark, stormy night.”
No, no that’s no good.
“It was the best of…”
Oh, shit! That’s even worse!

Yesterday, my heart failed me.
You see, my eyes dragged it to
a place that it hadn’t been
in so many years. A place
that contains feelings of old
memories and longings long
thought dead and buried. Inter’d
within a stone tomb, stain’d taupe
Still, turning to dust.
But, I read your words and saw
Your face and with the sound of
a mighty, rushing wind their
lungs filled and faces flushed full
of new life! The tomb burst open,
the reincarnate walked out
into the sunlight of my
consciousness, mummy wrapped in
musty, moldy cloth.
“But, I thought that you were dead,”
I cried! As my heart began
to break open and the dam
behind my eyes burst. “Why now?
I am old and life-worn. Why
can’t you leave me alone? What
have I done that you who were
dead return to haunt me now?”
“You loved. You died. LIVE!”

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Let It Be So, Now

The first time that the writer of Matthew noted the actual words of Jesus was when Jesus traveled to the Jordan River to be baptized by his cousin, John. Why this time and this event I’m not sure. Why didn’t the writer have anything to say about Jesus’ younger days? But, except for Luke and his record of Jesus as a 12 year old, the Canon is silent.

John had been baptizing people who came from all over Palestine. He was apparently a simple man. His clothing was common and the food he ate was what he could gather from nature. Even the message that he preached to those seeking baptism was simple, “Repent! For the Kingdom of God has come near!” He freely baptized anyone who came and confessed whatever sins they may have committed. And, John was not afraid to get right up in the face of people who thought that they were oh so pure. He was more than happy to help them ‘discover’ the error of their ways.

Into this strolled Jesus.

He walked down to be baptized. John tried to deflect him by saying, “Whoa! I’m the one who should be baptized by You! Yet, you came to me?” John recognized something about Jesus that apparently no one else did. To John, Jesus was the master and he the student. Masters didn’t do things like this. So, naturally, John “tried to hold him back.”
It’s kind of ironic that John, acting as the lesser of the two, made a presumption about Jesus and tried to enforce it. He recognized Jesus as Master, and then told him, “No! You can’t do that!” Imagine saying No to your boss!

Jesus didn’t respond by saying, “John, John…you simple man. You have no clue what you’re saying. Don’t you realize who I am? Now, stop talking nonsense and do your job.”

Instead, Jesus simply said, “Let it be so now. For this way is proper for us to fulfill all righteousness”.

I can see a smile on Jesus’ face when he said this. In a way he said, “Yeah, I know. But, there’s something going on here that’s bigger than both of us. So, John, please do this.” He did not simply dismiss John and his concerns.  In fact, he honored John’s inclusion, “For this way is proper for US…” Jesus, Son of God and all, demurred and humbly asked his cousin to render this service to him.

So, I learned that God has a streak of humility. God doesn’t seem to need to strut into a situation and throw the Divine reputation around. “Hi. I’m God. And, you’re not.”

No, Jesus showed that he needed others in order to fulfill his calling.

What about the rest of what Jesus said? What’s all that about ‘fulfilling all righteousness?

I found at least EIGHT different ways to understand this statement. The text itself only contains 8 Greek words. Yet we have at least that many ways to explain them! (For those who think that a ‘simple’ reading of the Bible is the best way? It’s not!)

One of the reasons states that this baptism was an act that needed to be performed. Jesus was, in effect, checking an item off of his Messiah ‘To Do’ list. But, there’s not a lot of evidence to back that up.

Another was that, like the folks over at the Qumran community, he was performing a ritual cleansing. But, if Jesus was Divine, this was an unnecessary formality. The early Church recognized the doctrine of Jesus’ sinless nature. So, what was he being cleansed of?

There was only one reason out of all the ones I found that seems to fit. It fits Jesus’ humility shown to John as well as his humility to God the Father. It also fits what we may assume was Jesus’ perception of his role as Son.

He was somehow aware of what the Father desired and knew that this was simply the right thing to do.

Jesus acted on a gut feeling that God desired him to go to his cousin, yeah the weird one, and allow his cousin to baptize him.

How much of this act did in fact have some basis in Jewish custom and ritual? Don’t know; don’t care. It’s not important.

What is important, and I think the point here, was that Jesus desired to please God.

So, Mike’s paraphrase of this verse would be something like, “Please, John, do this for me. It’s the right thing for me to do to please God at this time.”

What does any of this have to do with my question, “Who are you God…Really?”

I think that there are a few things here that I can learn.

1) God can be pleased. Or, better, we can do things that make God smile.
2) Jesus revealed sensitivity to both God and John. God must also be sensitive to what we think and say.
3) Jesus was humble. He chose to honor his cousin. He didn’t use the “God card.” He chose to John in this simple act of pleasing the Father.
4) Some things may not be morally or theologically right or wrong. Would Jesus have been less than divine if he hadn’t gone to John? No, I don’t think so. But, for him, doing the right thing was, well, the right thing to do.

One thing that was not mentioned here was that God somehow “led” Jesus to be baptized. I just finished a book by Richard Stearns who has been the CEO of World Vision for the last several years. In this book Stearns wrote again and again how God led him to become CEO. He shared examples of what he understood to be supernatural interventions that guided him from a lucrative position in business to become the head of an international aid agency. But, behind all of that, he wrote about his and his wife’s own passion to be involved in cross cultural missions. They had been involved in various missions’ conferences and had read literature about missionaries and the work that they did. But, his education and vocation didn’t seem to fit. Eventually, he said that he could no longer ignore the ‘signs.’ God was, in effect, forcing his hand. I don’t believe that God’s in that kind of business. Yes, I think that we are each capable of seeing various routes to take and what the various outcomes may be. That is where we discern what may be the best path for us. We may know what would be pleasing to God. But, ultimately it’s up to us to make the choice. Or not. God doesn’t coerce a decision one way or another. God doesn’t stack the deck for us to make one decision over another. We are co-workers with God in redemption. There’s a big world out there with lots of need. God simply asks us what we are going to do. The decision is ultimately ours. Just as Jesus’ decision to be baptized by John was his own.

And, it pleased the Father.

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Who Are You, God…Really?

“Don’t worry! We’ll pray that God heals you!”
How many times have people said that? People who truly believe that.

Then, the other dies.

“Well, God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is “No”.
Or, “You must not have had enough faith”.
Or some other rationalization that lets God off the hook.

The Christian Bible is full of stories about genocide and rape; murder, lying, and cheating.
Unbelievably, these things are not only allowed, but in many cases commanded by God!
“Well, you know that God’s ways are not our ways. And, God’s thoughts are way beyond ours.
Only God can see the whole picture.”

Yet, that same Bible contains some of the most tender and intimate love stories ever penned.
And, not just The Song of Solomon.
God is portrayed as a loving parent, lover, and friend.
God defends and encourages.

My own observations are, however, a bit, er, different.

I look around and I see a world in which God is not a leading actor.
God doesn’t answer prayer. At least not in any physical way that can be analyzed and proven
to be a supernatural event.
People are afflicted and they die from causes that are entirely natural.
It really annoys me that a tornado can sweep a city off of the map and a survivor can thank God
that she was spared.
But, her next door neighbor was killed.
Where was God for that person?

There have recently been several cases in the U.S. and Canada where parents allowed a child
to die because their religion states that ‘Prayer alone will heal!’
To that… I call ‘bullshit’.

So what?

My mind has wandered.
A single question has been forming like an image on a piece of film swimming in developer:

Who are You, God…Really?

I ask this because it has become abundantly clear to me that the God I have been taught
about is NOT the God of the ‘real’ world.
The God that I learned about in Sunday school and Communicants’ class and innumerable sermons simply
does not exist. He’s a fake; a phantom.
That God is not omnipotent and is certainly NOT omniscient. That God does not answer the prayer of the sick and needy because that God cannot answer the prayer of the sick and needy.

So, Who are You, God…Really?

Please don’t think that I’m trying to stick it to anyone or their beliefs.

This is a real and honest question that I’m asking.

I truly want to find an answer.

If God truly is God, then there should be no problem with asking.

Questions should be no threat.

I talked to my Spiritual Director about these things.
We both saw the path that I should take.
Jesus told his disciples, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.”
So, we decided that searching the Gospels would be a good place to start
looking for an answer to my question.
Now, I’ve pretty much lived in the Gospels for the last 5+ years.
But, even after all of that time, this question still vexes me.

With that in mind, I have embarked on a new journey.
My path lies through the words written by ancient men who created stories
about the one person in history who claims to have seen God. (”I only do the things that I see the Father doing.”)

At the end, if there is one, I hope to have at least an inkling of who this God that I worship really is.

 

 

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Wednesday Morning Musings – Rain

Oh, God! Rain down on us!
Make a mess!
Then, leave it be.
Leave it be.


Why do we so often use the image of water to describe the way that God seems to work?
“Rain down on us.”
“There’s a river of life.”
“The Spirit flows like a river.”

There’s never a puddle of God.

Nor a pond or lake.

Yeah, there are “still waters” that God leads us beside.

And, God’s love can stream toward us.

Love can even drip on us!
“Drip, drop, drip, drop.”

God’s Spirit may be like a flood that washes away the debris that clutters our heart.
There may be torrents and great, crashing breakers.

But, no “crick full o’ minnows and crawdads.”

God’s water never erodes.
There are no divine mudslides.

Why is there no heavenly glacier?
Ice is water. Hard and cold.
That describes the god of some people.
Glaciers grinding grooves into the bedrock of their lives.
Not the glorious gray grooves of the brain.
Rather, they are gory gashes graven into their heart.
No, not that kind of water.

We only want water that washes and refreshes.

The kind that can slake the thirst of our parched souls.

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Only Those Who Have Seen…Can Fly

The text of Scripture cannot love.

It is not compassionate nor faithful.

Only the Person to Whom the text may point can do those things.

The text is subordinate and subservient to that One.

Reading will not transform. Nor, is it capable of rendering transformation.

That’s not its purpose.

However, those who have Seen God cannot but be changed.

They will metamorphose into something as different as a caterpillar is to a butterfly.

Only those who have eyes to see, and have Seen, can fly.

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On the Eve of a Birth

It’s a dangerous thing to allow my mind to wander.
I never know exactly where I will end up.
Friday morning, on the eve of my birthday,
my mind found its way through the fog and the brush to a memory.
For those of you who know me, you know that I was put up for adoption way back when.
At 6 months I landed in a loving home with proud Mom and Dad doting on me.
To their credit they never withheld the fact that I had been adopted.
And, I didn’t think twice about it. They were my parents. The only parents that I knew.
That all changed in the 1980s when I found that I had a sister from my birth Mother.
Now, I had a name and a face for that woman who had birthed me into this world.
Over the years we drifted apart. She was never “mom” to me. I already had one of those.
But, from time to time I wonder.
This is a result of that ‘wondering.’

63 years ago…

I wonder what She was thinking and feeling.

Her belly, full o’baby boy!

Had Her parents driven into Her mind that there was no way that I could exist in their world?

Was I already a non-person to them?

Had it been legal, would I have simply been washed away like so much detritus?

Yeah, I think so.

But, Her?

I think that Her anger and grief became the wind beneath the wings that delivered Her

To another world.

A world where She could have Her heart’s desire.

But not here.

Not where She had been coerced into agonizing loss.

How could She give Her son away?

In Her world Reality was a small bubble.

Within its protective shield She could be safe…secure.

I was ripped out of that bubble.

Torn away; kidnapped; sent to Mars.

She could not protect me.

It’s really no wonder that we both wage war against alcohol.

Now, 63 years later,

On the eve of my birth,

I don’t even know if She has died.

Or, perhaps, She never will.

Please use the comments section to share your thoughts!

And, please share with your friends!

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