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Category: thanksgiving

Gratitude

First, Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Things may look bleak right now in many ways.


Covid-19 is taking lives and livelihoods every day. Friends and family are affected by job loss, income loss, and lives lost. It’s hard to be thankful for anything when these hit us so close to home.

Our culture is severely divided along ideological lines. It’s not just right vs. left or Democrats vs. Republicans. It’s son vs. father, daughter vs. mother. There are many households that are fractured during a season where joy and thanks should be the hallmarks.

Issues that surround the differences in skin color have been cut open and are bleeding in our streets. For many people, particularly white Americans, this has come as a surprise. They had thought that this issue had been settled in the 60s. In fact, racism had just been covered up. It still festered like an untreated infection until the poison came to a head and exploded.

Native Americans remember this day with great sorrow. Many take this day for “reflection and mourning for Lives Taken.” Others celebrate the harvest in order to remember what Thanksgiving is truly about.

Yet, here I am encouraging everyone to embrace Thanksgiving.
Not as the cultural holiday that it has morphed into.
But, so that we may express Gratitude.
It’s easy to sit around a table laden with all sorts of seasonal goodies. We can gorge ourselves on turkey and dressing, pie and cream. Then, sit in our living rooms watching football and feeling content.
Gratitude is not the same as feeling content. Feeling content is more akin to feeling satisfied.
Satisfied in how well I and my family fare so that we can afford this meal with all the trimmings. Satisfied that I can watch a game on my 50″, super HD television while seated in my padded recliner in the warmth of my heated home.
I don’t want to judge anyone. I’m going to do the same thing today. With, maybe, a nap thrown in for good measure.
There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with feeling content.

We must, however, remember that the feelings we have are not truly gratitude.

Perhaps we can be grateful for the resiliency of humankind.
We are stretched almost to breaking by the pressures of the pandemic and the culture and politics and the economy and, and, and….
Yet, we do not break. We find ways, not just to cope, but to overcome. Our lineage still hearkens back to our first forbears, including Lucy. These beings adapted and overcame obstacle that could have caused extinction. There are many examples of hominin species that did not survive. Ours, thankfully, did. Their survival and continued existence through many changes and forms seems to have engrained in us that same will to survive and thrive.
So, thank you Lucy!

We can be thankful for our friends and family. Especially, those of us who are difficult to love. People still put up with us. One or two actually seem to like us! Holy Crap!
So, thank you to all. (You know who you are!)

The food and shelter that so many take for granted are truly reasons to be thankful. Through science and sweat we have surpluses of grain, fruit, meat, and fish. We have technology that allows us to build and maintain housing in cities and suburbs. We are able to pipe water into our homes and, pipe our waste out. Gas, electricity, and telecommunications are things that we take for granted. We should not. These are things that we should be particularly thankful for.
So, thank you to the scientists, engineers, and laborers who make these things possible.

I could go on about specific things that we may be grateful for. But, I don’t want to sit here typing all day. There are turkey and potatoes calling my name!

I do want to say thank you to One more Person.
How can I express my gratitude to the One Who has given more than any other could possibly give?
Call this Person God if you like.
Love and acceptance are difficult for us humans. We find ourselves trying to condition our offering of these to others. “They aren’t like us,” we say. So, whoever ‘they’ are don’t receive those from us. “They talk strange,” or “They worship differently.” These difference seem to give us license to treat them as “Other” or “Less than.”
Yet, a Merciful God did not consider us as “Other.” God did not think of us as “Unworthy” or “Less than.”
God chose to Love us instead.
And, not only us!
God chose to Love the earth and the cosmos and the entire universe.


This should serve us as the Ultimate Example of how we should express our gratitude toward God, our families, and our communities.
And, not only these.

Perhaps during this season of thankfulness and joy we can take a minute to consider how we have benefitted by being a part of the Cosmos.

Thank you, God!

And, thank you for reading this.

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Even In Trying Times, We Are Never Alone

God, as I have written before, has promised to never leave us. No matter what storms may rage around us.

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35, 37-39 NRSV
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Thursday Musing

First, I gotta tell you that yesterday was pretty rough.
I shared a bit about how beginning this new phase of life was, well, a tad anticlimactic.
So, I pretty much slept all day.
I do that sometimes when the melancholia shows up to play.

But, here we are!
Another day to try again.
While I’m still not feeling great, (I’m sure that the fact that my body is still pretty weak isn’t helping), I am up and actually accomplishing things.
So, that’s a good thing. Right?

There have been so many thoughts and ideas coursing through my brain over the last month that I have not been able to keep track of them.
So, let me just get some of them out there for your consideration.

Many of my thoughts have drifted toward God and what God may desire for me personally. But, also for us as a species in a rather chaotic period.
I spoke with one friend yesterday who said that he didn’t know what God was up to. But, God must be up to something Big!
I don’t know. I really don’t think so.
I wrote in another place that things like illness and disease are simply the product of evolution. They “Happen” because that’s what goes on in our natural world.
I’m all for giving God credit when it’s due. But, stating that God is using such things to get our attention or judge sin or whatever cult-du-jour idea you want to use is not only not helpful, but borders on blasphemy.
God has always, and ONLY, promised to be Present with us in these times. To that I can bear witness. God has walked with me, mourned with me, felt my pain and anxiety, and held my hand during this time of distress.
God will surely continue to do that as we slog our way through the days of coronavirus.

I am a die hard separation of church and state person. While I realize that individuals will carry their worldviews with them wherever they go, including the public square, it is dead wrong for any one person or group to impose their particular beliefs on anyone else.
Period. End of discussion.
That’s why it really, REALLY, pisses me off when I read and hear about religious organizations that think that quarantine and stay at home orders are for everyone except them. These misguided idiots think that their particular religious group is somehow “Essential” in the same way that grocery stores and pharmacies are.
Hey, Numb Nuts!
You’re not!
They endanger not only those who attend their open services, but all of the other people those folks will come in contact with.
If they truly want to embody their so-called love, they will shut their doors until this is all over.

Finally, I want to again thank all of those people who have shared their concern over my health. I really appreciate every one of you.
I do hope that I never need to return the sentiment. But, if I do; I will.

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Perhaps, Back Again!

I know that I said a couple of week ago that I was back after surgery.
At that time I was beginning to feel pretty good again.
I thought that the worst was behind and that, soon, I would be back in fine stride working toward full restoration.

That was before a perforation in my bowel knocked me back down.

On Thursday, March 12, I was suddenly assaulted by an acute pain in my lower gut. I thought that I had eaten something that didn’t agree with me. So, I took some pain meds and went to bed.
Friday I awoke feeling somewhat better. At least as far as the pain was concerned. But, I was pretty weak and listless. By Friday evening I was spiking a fever. We called my surgeon about it. He sent me to get a CT scan of the area.
The scan did show some abnormality. They ordered an ambulance to take me back to Fairview Hospital where the surgical team was waiting for me.
So, at about 2 A.M. on Saturday the 14th, I had emergency surgery to repair the perforation.
I awoke from that surgery with an ostomy bag hanging from my belly.

I gotta tell ya, two major surgeries in less than two weeks tends to sap the life out of a person. I don’t recall feeling so weak and frail as I have these past couple of weeks. I’m 20 pounds lighter than my pre-surgery weight. I have little strength left. They told me not to lift anything over 10 pounds. Hell, I can barely lift that much!

The next step will, hopefully, be near the end of May when the ostomy is to be reversed and I’ll be put back together.

I appreciate all of the concern that has been expressed to my through social media and the phone. You are all good people.

Thank you!

As far as moving forward, well, next Wednesday, April 1, will be my first full day of retirement. I am looking forward to it. Who knows, maybe my life will be able to develop some form of ‘normalcy.’ (Although for me, what really IS normal?)

I hope to get back to some form of creating content here as well as some other projects that I have swimming around in the back of my brain.
It will be an interesting time, to be sure.

So, thank you again to all of you who have stuck with me on this strange journey.
I look forward to walking with you further on down this road.

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Gratitude

The past month has been, well, unique for me.
I began the month looking forward to my retirement looming just at the horizon. I could see the glint and glitter of my own Emerald City as the rays of the sun caressed it. The reflections dancing on the wisps of clouds that soared so high above.

Then, I have what?!?

And, the roller coaster plunged down that first hill.
Cedar Point got nothing on this one!

The weeks that followed my diagnosis have been, well, a tad turbulent.
I’ve had what appeared to be one setback after another. From suspicious spots on my liver to a failed cardiac test.
All of these things adding to the stress and anxiety that was already present.

Oh, and still trying to get all of the details nailed down for that retirement thing.

It’s been, well, interesting.

Yet, even as I sit here, still uncertain about what’s next, I am filled with gratitude.

I am extremely grateful that on that November Monday morning in 2011 that Dr. Dean Nukta was on call at Fairview Hospital. He was the person who put two stents in the main artery of my heart that was 100% blocked. He saved my life that day.
I am grateful that he is still my doctor and, when an abnormality showed up in a stress test, immediately scheduled a cardiac cath so he could determine what was happening. He cared enough about my upcoming cancer surgery to shoe-horn me in. He also oversaw this procedure. In all of the years that I’ve been his patient, yesterday was the first time that I saw him smile as he told me that everything looked great.
So, thank you Dr. Nukta.

Staying with that theme, I want to sincerely thank the entire cath team for their work.
They were professional, yet personable. They were a comfort both in their presence and their expertise.
The team in Pre/Post, especially Jackie, deserve cudos. Again, their care, compassion, and professionalism were greatly appreciated.

I want to thank all of you who have been following this continuing saga. Your concern and well-wishes are appreciated more than you can ever know.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Of course, my wife and daughter have been pillars for me. Even though they are both battling illness, they have risen to the task of supporting me physically and emotionally.
There are not enough thanks that can be offered for them.

God, too, is deserving of my gratitude. Perhaps not for the reasons that some of you may expect. I am grateful to Yahweh for Presence. I am not some kind of holy person. I don’t walk around with my religious head up my sanctified butt.
But, I do recognize God’s Presence. If I seem comfortable and peaceful it’s not because I have some ability to rise above circumstance. I don’t. In truth, I am a real pain in the ass. However, if I can testify to anything at all it’s that God has been fully Present throughout this time.
Please don’t think that I’m saying that God is somehow orchestrating the process. I don’t believe that for a second.
God is Present in the process.
God Empathizes wholly with what I am experiencing and has chosen to walk beside me as I go through all of this.
So, yes, I am grateful to God for Presence.

I am still awaiting the outcome of that MRI I had yesterday.
That will be the final determinate as to whether I have surgery on Monday or, um, something else less encouraging.

I do appreciate you all for your support.
And, I hope that I don’t need to return this particular favor.
I don’t wish what I am experiencing on anyone.
But, if the time should come, I will do my best to walk with you.

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More Letters To Julia – 2/20/2020

Good Morning, Julia!
How are you doing? I hope all is well in sunny New Mexico!
It’s been pretty sunny here recently. But, bloody cold!

Anyway, I was debating whether or not to share this with you. It’s kinda dark. And, you know how we humans hate airing our own dirty laundry in public!
(But, we really like getting other folks’ nasty BVDs out there!)

This is especially difficult for me because I have a public image that may cause folks to think I’m some squeaky-clean holy guy who has his shit all together.
Yeah, really! Who? Me?

The truth is that I don’t.
I never have.
I’m as flawed as anyone else.
Probably more than most.

For a lot of years I hung out with someone who I thought was a good friend.
He used lots of different names.
“Jack,” “Tullamore Dew,” and my favorite, “Jameson.”

Of course, these are all whiskeys.
Whiskey…the Water of the Gods…they say.

And, I jumped right into that with both feet.
I think that I spent the better part of a decade, maybe more, doing my best to drown my head; my heart; my liver.
I didn’t worry too much about it, though.
I wasn’t what you’d call a ‘Mean Drunk.’
In fact, my mother once told me that I was more fun to be around when I’d had a few.

And, I probably was. I don’t know. I really don’t remember too much about that.

People say that drinking causes people to become different. That they change under the influence.
We really don’t.
What alcohol does is release the beasties that already live within.
They get to run around and play and cause all sorts of havoc.
But, they are what’s in our heart.
I did a lot of really, really stupid stuff when I drank.
Because, when allowed to run free, those things that live within are really, really stupid and self-destructive.
When people told me that I had a drinking problem I would tell them, “Not really. I drink. I get drunk. I fall asleep. See? No problem!”

But, it was a problem.
I’m very fortunate that I didn’t kill anyone when I got in my car to drive to the store for more.
I’m fortunate that I didn’t kill myself when I fell down stairs or passed out on the floor.
I’m really fortunate that I didn’t destroy every important relationship that I had.
That there were still people who, although stressed to the max, still stood with me during that time.

To them, “Sorry” doesn’t say enough.

But, I’ve been alcohol free for well over two years.
I have to thank my doc for helping me treat my Alcohol Use Disorder.
(Yeah, it’s a thing.)
It took a long time to Break those Chains that had me bound and sinking into the abyss.

I shared this, I think, because I’m becoming more and more convinced that we can Break the Chains that Bind.
Addictions are big, heavy links that are forged over time. Links are added every day that we live with them.
We don’t need to stay imprisoned, though.
Freedom is just one step away.

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Joy

Yesterday morning I went to St. Barnabas, led a Bible class, and went into the sanctuary for the service.
Nothing unusual in that. That’s pretty much been my normal Sunday morning practice since last June.
I walked in and found my seat. Yes, we all have “our” seat, “our” place on the pew. And, heaven help that person who sits there before we get in! Don’t deny it!
“My” seat is at the back of the sanctuary.

The service began as it always does. We stand for a hymn while the priest and acolytes walk to their places at the front of the church.
A couple of prayers were offered. Then we sat down to listen to the readings that were selected for this particular morning.

As I sat there, I gazed around at the people who were all sitting in “their” seats. Their faces were all pointing toward the lectern where someone stood, reading words from our Holy book.

My heart became suddenly light.
Joy welled up within me as I watched these people.
Around 150 people had chosen to come here.
They chose to spend their time on this gloriously sunny morning in February together!

Later in the service as I knelt by the altar rail to receive communion, as the host was on my tongue, I looked back out over all of those people.


I smiled.

I thanked God for all of them. Every child. Every woman. Every man.

Why, I wondered, had they chosen to come here?
Why St. Barnabas and not St. Mattress?

In the early mornings, when all is quiet, I sit at my desk and seek God.
During this time I lift my hopes, dreams, concerns, and desires to the Heavenly Dwelling of Yahweh.
Daily, I remember the people of St. Barnabas.
Our priest and leadership.
Those who serve faithfully in myriad ways.

And, I always ask Yahweh to make St. Barnabas Church a beacon of Love, Hope, and Acceptance.
A lighthouse in the storms that rage, unseen, around and in each and every one of us.

Are these many people I watched yesterday, with all of their faults and foibles, all of their wounds and scars, all of their hopes for tomorrow, a result of prayers like mine?

Perhaps.

I can’t know for certainty.

What I do know, however, is that when I sat in that place, with all of those people, I felt God’s pleasure.

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Presence. Always, Presence

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Yeah, I know, that may be understating things just a tad.
On top of the cancer concern I am also battling a sinus thing that has pretty much kicked my butt.

I’m not asking for sympathy or anything.
It’s simply part of walking in this skin suit. We get sick. Big deal; so what?

I do want to share an observation, though.

This morning as I was taking time to sit in the silence and reflect, I realized that I have not taken time to be “present” with God. My normal practice of waking in the early hours of the morning and focusing my heart and mind on Yahweh’s Presence had been interrupted. Hacking; coughing; unable to breathe. These things can be a distraction.

Yahweh, however, had still been Present with me.

Yeah, I know all of the so-called spiritual sayings and platitudes that folks like to riff on. “God is an ever present help in time of trouble” is a favorite among the uber-spiritual.
We say that to folks who seem to struggle with their problems and their relationship with God.
“Buck up, Buddie! God’s still with you! Could you pass the mustard, please?”

How many of us have taken the time to sit with that idea?
Have any of us really contemplated what it actually means when we read or hear, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”?

To be clear, I don’t think for a nanosecond that this Presence of God resembles anything like the Cosmic Killjoy who is just watching, waiting for us to screw up.
“Busted! I know what you were thinking! Ten demerits and a trip to Hell for you!”

Nor, do I think that Yahweh is sitting behind a Judge’s bench waiting expectantly to pass judgement on everything that we have done or thought.

Unfortunately, that’s what so many of our Sisters and Brothers have been taught. God uses the same technology as Santa Claus. “I see you when you’re sleeping. I know when you’re awake. I know if you’ve been bad or good…”

In this picture, God is a Cosmic Voyeur just waiting for us to screw up so that we can get what we so richly deserve.
Punishment.

No, No,No!!!!

I can’t say No enough times to that image of Yahweh.

Sitting this morning with my pen in hand, jotting thoughts into a book that no one will ever read, (at least not while I’m still breathing), I had an over-powering sense of Yahweh’s Presence.
As I confessed that I had neglected my own presence with God, I was assured that God was, and always will be, Present.

I was not condemned nor convicted of any wrongdoing.
Yahweh did not chew me out for my absence.
I wasn’t sent to the corner for a time out.

No.

Yahweh lovingly assured me that nothing, no illness or other distraction, would or COULD distract God’s Presence from me.

Sit with that thought for awhile.
Please.

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Goodbye, Old Friend

I was going to post this yesterday.
But, I ran out of time.
Kinda like so much else last year.

Goodbye, Old Friend!
You came to us with a shout of gladness,
Clad in diaper and sash.

Quickly you grew in harmony with the world around us.
From infant to child. The green shoot echoing as it pushed through the frost.

You blossomed into a young adult.
Full of promise; growing in Strength.
You worked among us and shared the fruit of your labor.
We all ate and were satisfied.

All too soon, we saw white, like frost on the grass, appear in your hair.
Like the naked trunks of trees, lines began to crease your brow.

Now, your departure is at hand.
It is with profound thanks that we sing this final goodbye.

As I considered the passing of the year I couldn’t separate it from the cycle of life that we experience here. As the world around us stirs and grows from the cold of winter through spring planting. Sowing and reaping; hope and gladness. Until the circle is joined as we bid farewell to our old friend.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

To all who celebrate Thanksgiving…

May your day be filled with joy and peace.
May those around you bring you comfort.
And, in these things may we be thankful.

Also…

May you be safe.
If the stress and pressure mounts,
May you find a peaceful place where your heart may be quiet.
For soon enough the day will pass.
Then, we may be thankful.

Blessings to you all.

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