Midnight.
Sleep eludes.
It runs and hides from the Maelstrom of my Mind
Menacing.
Thoughts.
Images.
Emotions.
Rushing, Churning.
“When will it stop?!”
Awake and restless.
Like a Horizontal Square Dance,
“Toss to the left; Turn to the right.
Sit up straight; Awake all Night.”
“Please, Yahweh, Let Sleep, Blessed Sleep
fall upon me.”
Yet, here I am still.
Waiting.
Hoping.
Praying.
“Please, help.”
I know this well. Clinically we are told that part of the anxiety and sleepless has to do with the amygdala in our brains, the “fight or flight” panic reaction that floods us with adrenaline as we try to get away, mentally and emotionally, from the things that are troubling us. End result, of course, is exhaustion but unable to sleep, unable to turn off one’s brain. Heart racing and feeling short of breath and having the same thoughts racing through over and over again. Feeling the anxiety like a herd of wildebeest pounding over you. I can’t tell how much melatonin I’ve gulped down over the years. OTC sleeping pills, too, though all lose effectiveness if taken too often (resulting in my rotating medications – Alteril for a while, OTC sleep compound for a while). At present I’m in a decent place and haven’t needed any sleep aids for a long while – but of course, that’s subject to change at any time. I hear you. I really, really do. Only good thing is one day soon you will be on the other side of this – you will make it through.
Thanx, Anna.
Right now when I try to say, “Let me Sleep!” all I hear is Vincent Price laughing, the sound reverberating through the emptiness.
i.e., Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”
Or, maybe the Sleep Nazi, “No sleep for you!”