Good Morning, Julia!
How are you doing? I hope all is well in sunny New Mexico!
It’s been pretty sunny here recently. But, bloody cold!
Anyway, I was debating whether or not to share this with you. It’s kinda dark. And, you know how we humans hate airing our own dirty laundry in public!
(But, we really like getting other folks’ nasty BVDs out there!)
This is especially difficult for me because I have a public image that may cause folks to think I’m some squeaky-clean holy guy who has his shit all together.
Yeah, really! Who? Me?
The truth is that I don’t.
I never have.
I’m as flawed as anyone else.
Probably more than most.
For a lot of years I hung out with someone who I thought was a good friend.
He used lots of different names.
“Jack,” “Tullamore Dew,” and my favorite, “Jameson.”
Of course, these are all whiskeys.
Whiskey…the Water of the Gods…they say.
And, I jumped right into that with both feet.
I think that I spent the better part of a decade, maybe more, doing my best to drown my head; my heart; my liver.
I didn’t worry too much about it, though.
I wasn’t what you’d call a ‘Mean Drunk.’
In fact, my mother once told me that I was more fun to be around when I’d had a few.
And, I probably was. I don’t know. I really don’t remember too much about that.
People say that drinking causes people to become different. That they change under the influence.
We really don’t.
What alcohol does is release the beasties that already live within.
They get to run around and play and cause all sorts of havoc.
But, they are what’s in our heart.
I did a lot of really, really stupid stuff when I drank.
Because, when allowed to run free, those things that live within are really, really stupid and self-destructive.
When people told me that I had a drinking problem I would tell them, “Not really. I drink. I get drunk. I fall asleep. See? No problem!”
But, it was a problem.
I’m very fortunate that I didn’t kill anyone when I got in my car to drive to the store for more.
I’m fortunate that I didn’t kill myself when I fell down stairs or passed out on the floor.
I’m really fortunate that I didn’t destroy every important relationship that I had.
That there were still people who, although stressed to the max, still stood with me during that time.
To them, “Sorry” doesn’t say enough.
But, I’ve been alcohol free for well over two years.
I have to thank my doc for helping me treat my Alcohol Use Disorder.
(Yeah, it’s a thing.)
It took a long time to Break those Chains that had me bound and sinking into the abyss.
I shared this, I think, because I’m becoming more and more convinced that we can Break the Chains that Bind.
Addictions are big, heavy links that are forged over time. Links are added every day that we live with them.
We don’t need to stay imprisoned, though.
Freedom is just one step away.