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Tag: #forgiveness

Who Is The True Enemy Of Our Humanity? Hmmm…?

The Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus, “Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” So many of us are caught up in the chaos and fear that holds the world in thrall. It’s absolutely true that we live in uncertainty. We wonder where our place in society actually is. Weren’t the things that we learned as a child absolute? For those of us who grew up in the White Middle Class these fears seem especially alive. We were taught that if we just worked hard we could have anything that we desired. The world was “our oyster.” We had “the world on a string.” We could “move that rubber tree plant” if we just have “high hopes.” Now, however, we feel as if all of that has been taken away from us. What thieving, conniving, son of a bitch had the kahonas to do that? Why I oughta….! I know that we’ve all felt this. That some injustice has overtaken us. And, it was “THEM” that did it! Damn them! We then rail and rant against those other people who cause us so much anxiety and anger. In the U.S. right now those others range from illegal migrants who threaten to take our jobs. Or, it might be the Main Stream Media that are trying to teach our kids how to be some kind of ‘woke Libtard.’ Of course, the whole of Washington, D.C. is a swamp that desires to suck the life out of us. They want to take our guns and force some kind of “Homosexshul” agenda down our throats. Of course there are many who feel that conservatives are trying to drag us back into the Victorian Era. They want to control our lives by telling us what we can or can’t read or who we are able to love. We mustn’t forget the rich elites on both sides who are bankrolling the destruction of our country. For some it’s all about “God, Guns, and Country.” For others it’s about inclusivity and equality. Our anger is directed at all who seem to be stepping on our rights. OUR Rights! We turn the saying of Jesus around and say, “Anyone who is not for us is against us.” Rather than, “Whoever is not against us is for us.” We’ve divided ourselves into warring factions where there’s no room for common ground. And, it’s exhausting. There is another way. Paul alluded to it in the text from his letter to the Church at Ephesus I quoted above. Our true enemy is not that person who just cut us off on the freeway. It’s certainly not the Trans person who we saw at the grocery. In fact, no one is our true enemy. That position is reserved for what Paul described as “rulers,” Authorities,” and “Cosmic Powers.” In today’s vernacular those are referred to as Systems of Oppression. That includes Systems that instigate racism that are baked into our culture as well as our founding document. They include Systems that objectify people based on gender or gender identity. Capitalism is a System that only exists on the backs of others. And, politics is a System that guarantees that the status quo is maintained for all of the other Systems. Let me give you a real-life example. Donald Trump. For some he is the return of Christ, a savior in flawed clothing. Others see him as the incarnation of the Anti-Christ. It’s not possible for both to be true. But, it possible that neither is true. The Systems that control society and culture allow for the rise of people like Trump. But, he is as much of a victim of those Systems as any other person. Let me state it again, Donald Trump is as much of a victim of those Systems as any other person. Please, don’t throw stuff! Let me explain. If anyone thinks that a person who is down and out, say, an unhoused person is a victim, why couldn’t the person at the top of the food chain also be a victim of some other influence or power? I think that they can. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do not like Trump. Not even a little. I find him wholly out of touch with reality. His narcissism knows no bounds. He lies pathologically. He’s an abuser and a bully. There seems to be nothing in him that’s redeemable. But, redemption is not my call. That’s way above my pay grade. My task is simply to love. My brothers and sisters. My friends. My family. My…enemies? Yes, my enemies. Those who I could just as easily “Other” as they could “Other” me. When I stop to remember who my true enemies are, those powers, principalities, and systems, I find that I am able to lay aside my own presumptions and prejudices. I am free to live without the burdens of judgment and anger. More importantly, I am free to lift these others up to God and ask that God free them from the bonds that hold them as slaves to those Cosmic Forces. So, as I pray each morning I take a moment to remember folks like Donald Trump. I ask God to release him and his family from the chains that bind them. May it be so, Amen.

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From Generation to Generation

It’s odd how certain thoughts and ideas pop into your head.
Churning and turning over and over and over….
See how the myriad facets of that thought present their varying colors and perspectives. Sewing themselves into the fabric of your mind.
Amazing!

What does that have to do with anything?
Well, this morning my mind wandered to how one generation’s life and experience influence those that follow.
I know that this is something that we in the West don’t often consider.
We think that each person is an individual who is capable of building her life on her own. Through hard work and grit people can slough off any and all encumbrances and create a successful life…for themselves.

But, is that an entirely accurate idea?

I’m not so sure.

My Dad’s mother died when he was very young. His father remarried.
Eventually, his father, an alcoholic, left them and moved away. So, he was raised by his step-mother.
It was late in his life when he told me anything about that time in his life.
His step-mother was truly a bitch. She abused him in passive-aggressive ways that left lasting scars.
As a result, he withdrew into himself.
He became known to others by his quietness. His high school yearbook noted that he didn’t say much, but what he said was profound.
He never experienced true intimacy with anyone.
Yeah, he had a special relationship with my mom. His love was as deep as the ocean. His devotion to her unwavering. But, even with her, he held his feelings close to himself. It seemed that only after his mind began to fail him toward the end of his life that he began to open that long-closed box that contained his heart.
Nature and Nurture.
Joined to create a New Thing.
Dysfunction.

As I wrote before, I was adopted.
I was torn from my mother and placed in an institution.
I was given to my adoptive parents while still and infant.
But, damage was done.
All of the experts agree that attachments are necessarily created, bonds of love and trust, at this early age.
Although my adoptive parents cared for me, gave me their name, and provided stability and security for me, they will always be at best High Level Foster Parents.
It seems that only those who do the adopting consider that their new child is truly theirs. No one who keeps these stats and stories ever really asks those who were adopted. No one seems to really consider our insight into our own lives.
I don’t want to take anything away from my mom and dad. They loved me and supported me in their way. I will always have deep gratitude for the life they provided and the sacrifices that they made.
But, the ability for me to make intimate links with anyone was diminished. If not totally destroyed.
I withdrew into myself.
I tried to emulate Mr. Spock. Suppressing my emotions, stuffing my feelings, became my ultimate goal.
We all know that’s an impossible task.
Rather, my emotions raged like a class 5 hurricane. They found no true or constructive outlet. So, as I worked to contain the storm within, damage was done.
Nature and Nurture.
Joined to create a new thing.
Dysfunction.

Those are two generations in which similar circumstances created similar narratives.

My brain goes to these places as I try to come to grips with dysfunction, not only in my own life, but in my family and among my friends.
There is something to the idea of generational influence. For good or ill; better or worse.
These are things that we have absolutely no control over. They have been handed to us by those who came first.

We can, however, make choices on how to engage these things.
I know that I will never be able to experience a truly intimate relationship with anyone. There are too many issues deeply embedded in my soul to allow that.
But, I can push myself to learn new ways to deal with that.
The first and perhaps most important way is to be honest with myself about these things.
Second, I can learn to forgive those who preceded me. Both the one who gave me away and the ones who took me in.
They are no more perfect than I am. I have to be able to extend them the grace to be human.
Third, and perhaps most important, I must learn to forgive myself.
Because I am acutely aware of my own shortcomings, my own “sin,” it’s easy to find myself swimming in an ocean of guilt and shame.
That’s hard.
The guilt and shame were truly earned.
But, I can’t…I mustn’t…live there.
That compounds hurt upon hurt.
That leads to death.
Spiritual; emotional; physical.

We give too little consideration for anything beyond the tiny sphere in which we live.
We think, mistakenly, that we are an individual who is a self-contained entity with no ties to anything outside of ourselves.

That’s a lie.

Don’t believe that for an instant.

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