#hopelessness - Breaking the Chains that Bind

Back in January I wrote a post about the suicide death of the sister of a co-worker. That particular death struck hard at my heart and mind. I shared my anger about it. Why this death? A person I never met. I still hurts to think about it.
I’ve realized that my anger wasn’t/isn’t directed at the single loss of innocent life. It isn’t even about the feelings of loneliness and desolation that ended in this final act of desperation.
I wrote a second post about the I call the “Human Condition.” In that I argued that the question of theodicy, or why a all powerful and loving God can allow evil to remain in the world. I stated that what we call “evil” is simply the Human Condition that our species has always lived in. Deal with it.
Today I want wrap this topic up. I want to define the anger that I felt then, and continue to feel now. I will expose the ultimate object of my anger.
But, first a short digression about God’s actions, or inaction. The story that the Bible tells reveals the way in which God chose to deal with the Human Condition. It describes the condition in terms of sin and disobedience. Although, I think disobedience is simply a result of the Human Condition. Anyway, it seems that God wanted to identify for us what we were dealing with. An all powerful drive toward, well, self-destruction. Through war, greed, poverty, seeking power, and all sorts of mean, nasty things that humanity perpetrated on itself and the world, God pointed out our inability to do much, if anything, to change that.
Enter Messiah Jesus. The Gospel story tells us how God changed the trajectory of humanity. Through the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Messiah God, somehow, destroyed what the Bible calls the Power of Sin and Death. These, according to the text, are the driving force behind the Human Condition. In doing this God also created a community. Some call it the Church or the Body of Christ or whatever. Jesus in the Gospels, particularly the Sermon on the Mount, described life in this community, or the Kingdom of God. This community has trusted in Messiah Jesus. It accepts and proclaims the resurrection of Jesus. It lives in selfless service to one another and the world at large.
Until it doesn’t.
And, it hasn’t since its birth. This community of faith continues to struggle within the Human Condition rather that to be a voice of hope. That it should offer an alternative to that litany of mean, nasty things I mentioned earlier. We, and I mean “We,” have more than dropped the ball. We intentionally kicked it into the woods and walked away. The mandate the Jesus gave us on the night that He was betrayed was, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. I have loved you in order that you also love one another,” (John 13:34, my paraphrase). The Church, at least the variety that I spent more than 30 years in, has looked at this verse and said, “Ok. I can love my sisters and brothers just fine, thank you. That doesn’t mean that I have to love those foul vermin on the outside, right?”
Wrong.
Jesus never limited His love to those inside the club. In fact, He reserved some of His most cutting condemnation on them. Yet, we still keep our eyes firmly on our collective navels and clutch our pearls so tightly that we nearly choke ourselves when someone on the ‘outside’ tries to knock on the door.
This, my dear readers, is the definition of Failure! I don’t care if we discuss the fundagelical world that I escaped, the Roman Church, the Episcopal Church, or any other incarnation of Orthodox or protestant ‘Members Only’ club out there. We have ALL failed! Period! End of discussion!
My heart is genuinely broken at the loss of my co-worker’s sister. The loss to her family is greater than I can imagine.
And, I am angry at the Systems that backed this beautiful, young person into a corner that she could not escape.
My true anger is directed at the Church. Where were we when this girl needed help? I know, we can all say that unless she asked, what were we supposed to do? (Shrug.) That’s not the point. My emotions run hot about this because the Church has been neutered. By it’s own doing! Our voice has been silenced because we have chosen to follow the and embrace THE VERY SYSTEMS THAT ARE KILLING PEOPLE!!! How can we claim to be a voice of hope in a hopeless world when we, ourselves, are hopeless? How are people to know that the Church is here for them unless we prove trustworthy? Unless we have shown by our love and praxis that they can come to us when they are in need?
I don’t know. I’m ranting. But, that’s what I’m good at. Sue me.
If we don’t embrace our calling as a Peculiar People who stand with the people of the world and against the Powers that Be, we are above all people to be pitied. For, then, we prove that we have truly lost our way.

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I’m getting too old for this shit. I really am. I’ve seen too much needless death in my life.
Recently, I heard about a young woman who took her own life. Another person, family, destroyed. How long? How long must we sit by and watch hopeless people suffer in silence; loneliness? Is no one taking notice?
Yeah, there are people and organizations dedicated to helping people who reach out to them. That’s a wonderful thing for people to give themselves to. Trying to give hope to the hopeless. And, the discussions that have begun over the last few years about mental health are good. It’s sad that it seems that a mass shooting is the only way that these concerns are raised.
But, it’s too little. The issue is way larger than what individual people and organizations can cope. The issue isn’t just in the U.S. It’s global. From Gaza to Ukraine to China to Guatemala, people suffer and die. Needlessly.
What can we do? Isn’t there a way to fix this? If God exists, why don’t we see some kind of Divine Intervention? That’s a thing called Theodicy. I might write about that some time. Or, not.
So, why this particular person? This particular death? Why am I so triggered by this single event?
Honestly, I don’t know. Lord knows that I’ve not been affected by other suicides. Not even those I’ve known personally.
Why?
Part of the reason, I think, is frustration. We try to communicate that things aren’t as bad as they may seem in this moment. Some simplistic thinkers like to say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. These people don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve never stepped to the brink. I have. It’s far more than a temporary solution. It seems to be the ONLY solution. For those who wonder about where’s God? I believe to this day that it had not been for divine intervention you all wouldn’t be reading my nonsense today. Again, maybe a story for another time. Maybe, not.
I’ve had the great gift of studying the Christian Bible. I’ve found that there’s a lot more to it than what any televangelist or priest or pastor or others think. I won’t bore you with details. Yet. For now, let’s just say that I see in these ancient texts people who lived lives in this world. Lives just like us. They had desires and needs. Just like us. They loved and were loved. Just like us. They worried about the same things that worry us. And, they searched for answers. Just. Like. Us.
We all desire answers to life’s problems. Don ‘t we? If you say you don’t, I want what you’re drinking. We read in the various news outlets and hear from the talking heads who presume to be experts in whatever field they live in. We try to explain a problem in such a way that we may try to find solutions. We want to fix what’s we perceive as broken.
What if we’re wrong? What if life isn’t a problem to solved? Something that we can dissemble in order to find a common root? A broken gear tooth that can be fixed simply with a new gear? Isn’t that how we all pursue life? One day; one problem at a time.
Funny how that never really works? We plug one leak, another pops up in the line. Always.
I’m not writing this to sound all doom and gloom. Trying to paint a hopeless future. I’m not. My study of Scripture and my faith have given me, well, a little glimmer of hope. A glimmer that not everyone will see even if I draw a picture. This, too, is part of the reality of life.
I spent most of the summer studying what’s called the “Sermon on the Mount.” The sermon can be found in chapters 5, 6, & 7 in the Gospel According to Matthew. Because of its position and length is the Gospel, it would appear that it’s kind of important. It contains such memorable things like the Golden Rule and the Lord’s Prayer. At least, you’d think so. But, as I’ve studied and meditated and discussed the Sermon, it’s become painfully obvious that it is also one of the most misunderstood texts in the Bible. You see, so many, (most? All?), who read it see it as a compilation of “Jesus sayings” and other material that Matthew, or someone, cobbled together to form what we read today. Their arguments are academically sound. Well, some are. The result is that when people read the Sermon today, when they preach and teach it, they break it into nice little bite sized pieces. Then they develop doctrines and dogma and interpretations based on the tiny pieces they’ve bitten off. In fact, this is how the Scriptures are handled and presented in general. So, when we read the Sermon we learn about the Poor in Spirit and the ones who Mourn or Hunger after Righteousness. We get to hear a person tout all of the properties of salt and light. They will teach us all we need to know about divorce and remarriage. Or, murder and hate. Or, worrying about what we’ll eat or wear.
What we never, or at least, very rarely hear is anything about why Jesus would say all of these thing together in the first place. Why He called His discipled up a hill in order to deliver to them these many things that have to do with life in this world.
I’m not gonna say anymore right now. I’m still angry. But, my anger is not directed at the usual suspects. It’s directed toward me. It’s directed at the “big C” Church. All of that I hope to unpack as I contemplate this more. As God sees fit to let me see. As I’m able to actually see it.

Tag: #hopelessness

Confronting the Human Condition: A Reflection on Anger and Faith

Why This Unnecessary Death? I Don’t Know.