I shared a few weeks ago that I will soon be joining the ranks of the Retired. After nearly 50 years working in commercial printing, I’m hanging up my computer. I will be spending more time with, well, this computer.
We have been working to prepare for this. Getting the finances squared away; signing up for medicare; gloating about it to my co-workers. You know, all of the important stuff.
And, things seem to be progressing nicely.
But, as with most things in life, the things that we don’t see are the ones that tend to impact us most.
We try our best to prepare for every contingency. What if the water heater blows up the day after I retire? Can we pay for a new one?
Check!
How about the car?
Check on that, too!
How about your health?
Well, I’ve got that dicey cardiac thing pretty much under control. So, yeah, Check!
What about your cancer?
Wha?!? Who?!?
What cancer?
The cancer that’s been growing in your colon, dummy!
But, I don’t have any cancer!!!
I eat right and exercise and don’t engage in high risk activities!
I even get regular colonoscopies to make sure that nothing’s happening!
Well, you did skip a year and a half.
Right?
You were supposed to have a scope in 2018. But, no, there was something else going on. And, the previous two scopes had been clear. Nothing to worry about. Right?
Wrong!
This past Monday I went in for my routine, but belated, colonoscopy. I wrote a bit about it here.
Afterwards, the Doc came in to give us the results.
There were a few polyps. No biggie. They snip them off and we’re good to go.
There was something else, though.
A mass in the ascending colon.
They took a biopsy and sent it to pathology.
The doc, however, was pretty sure what we were looking at.
Cancer.
Yesterday I received the results of the pathology.
Yep, suspicions confirmed.
Not how I had planned to begin my retirement.
Hell, not in any plans for anything at all!
But, there you go.
The things you don’t see are the ones that can derail you.
What now?
Today I go for a CT Scan to see if this bugger has spread.
Hopefully, no.
We have hopefully caught it early enough that it is self-contained.
If it has not spread, then next week I meet with a surgeon to go over how they will remove it.
The best case is that they will take it out and I will live happily ever after. The way things are going, though, I’m not overly confident.
Right now I am consumed by conflicting emotions. I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know how I SHOULD feel!
I know there are folks out there who have experienced exactly what I am. I don’t want to be a whiner and do the whole, “Woe is me!” thing. Especially when you are dealing with far worse.
But, we each process things in our own way.
My way is going to be to process it here.
I want to share this experience.
Well, not SHARE it. I can assure you that you do not want this!
I want to share my experience with you.
What’s happening physically?
The tests and the doc’s reports and surgery.
All the good stuff that cancer patients get to have.
What’s going on emotionally?
What thoughts and feelings are racing around in my head…my body.
It looks to be a roller coaster ride that rivals anything at Cedar Point.
What is this doing to form me Spiritually?
Where is Yahweh in all of this?
IS Yahweh in ANY of this?
So, for the next little while I’m going to write about these things.
Sure, I’ll still write the other stuff, too.
But, this is important right here; right now.
I invite you to come along with me on this journey!
Lord knows that I can’t walk it alone.
Your company is appreciated.
I also encourage you to share this and invite others to come along.
This is part of our shared human experience.
So, Please, share on your social media, at the dinner table, with co-workers…anyone and everyone.
Hopefully, in a little while I’ll be able to share with you OUR victory over this thing.