Here we are. It’s Monday again. You know, that day that comes after a weekend.
It happens every week about this time.
Folks bemoan it, “Oh, man! I gotta get up and go to work! I wanna Sleep!”
Others are a tad more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, “Yay! A new week! Let’s Go!!!”
For most of us, it’s just another day in a long string of days that sort of blur together.
This Monday marks one week since I had that colonoscopy thing that revealed cancer.
And, I really don’t know how or what to feel about that.
The first couple of days my gut was tied up in knots. I couldn’t eat or sleep. My mind racing all over the place.
“What’s next?”
“How do I fight this?”
“Why me?”
I didn’t fall into that category of people who try to deny the reality of their illness.
I was ready to put up my fists and kick some ass.
But, I was in that Betwixt and Between place of knowing and not knowing.
I knew something was not right…but, not for sure.
The doc said that it was probably cancer.
Probably.
I waited four days in that place until I got the official word.
Yep, cancer.
Now, even though I now know kind of what I’m up against, I still must wait.
I had a CT Scan to see if the cancer has spread.
Waiting on results.
I have a date with a surgeon.
Waiting for that day.
Living in this Twilight World is hard.
My heart goes out to those of you who have already experienced this.
It’s no longer day.
It’s not quite night.
It’s something else.
So, no, I don’t know how I should feel right now.
After the initial shock I guess that I just feel numb.
Not denial. Just numb.
Not angry. Still numb.
Not really anxious. Numb again.
As an aside, this is really an interesting dive into what’s involved with being human.
I’ll post more thoughts on that later.
For now, I do appreciate your consideration during this time.
Those whom I trust I know will walk with me.
The rest? I hope that they will be moved to care for themselves and their loved ones.
