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Tag: #reflections

Sunset on Another Year

Today’s the Eve of New Year’s Eve.
For a lot of us it’s a time to tidy up after Christmas. Take the decorations down and store them away for another year.
Others may still be returning gifts or redeeming gift cards. Gotta keep Amazon busy!
For many it’s just another day. Back to work trying to make sure all of the year-end accounting is completed.
Then there are those who take the last few days of the year to reflect on the days now past.
The days of darkness from a year ago when the cold winds whipped across the landscape. Snow and ice piled up in parking lots. Yet, with lengthening daylight came a bit of hope.
Hope that was finally realized when the first crocus forced its head up through the still thawing earth. There was the return of the birds and other animals after their long winter sojourn in other places or hidden away from the forces of Nature.
Hope gave way to realization of new life and green trees. Warmth seeping into the ground to rouse the seed and call the sprout from its protective shell.
Soon the colors change and daylight again begins to wane. Harvest time! Gladness in the fruit of the ground!
Then, the circle closes as we come, yet again, to the end.

Or, is it a beginning?

As the Cosmos cycles through birth, life, and death, so too do we.
There are cries of newborns and sighs of the aged and infirm.
Relationships blossom and bloom. While others get tangled in the weeds, choke, and pass into compost.

Yet, it continues.

We still hope.

We still sow and reap.

Perhaps it is a good thing to reflect.
To remember things as they are and have been.


But, we can’t dwell there, can we?

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Just a Reflection

I promised myself that I was going to take time this weekend to reflect; to write.
Oh, well, maybe next week.

A little over a week ago I was at a memorial for one of my aunts. She walked on last February after a long life ‘being Joan.’
At the memorial I had the privilege of sharing a prayer. That gave me opportunity to think about Joan, (Pronounced: Jo-ANN), and how she influenced me. I promised myself that I wouldn’t get all verklempt and teary-eyed. Of course, that didn’t work out very well.
During the time we were all gathered, remembering, cousins catching up, grandkids wandering around, I stood and watched. The wife of one of my cousins came up and said, “You’re just taking all of this in, aren’t you?”
Yeah, I guess that I was.
We never gather as family anymore. Unless, it’s to bury someone.

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of taking apart a golf ball, then you may understand a little of how I felt.
A golf ball, at least they used to be, was nothing but a loooonnnnggg rubber band wound tightly around some core. This is then covered with a tough rubber coating with dimples. Dimples? Really? They couldn’t come up with a better description?
Anyway, after the cover is removed you can begin to pull off bits of rubber band. Eventually, you get to a point where the band begins to unravel itself. All of that pent-up potential energy lets go and the ball takes on a life of its own. It’s driven to unravel until the hidden core is revealed.
That’s kind of how I felt.
Emotional tension. Potential energy awaiting release. Tight. Ready to explode with all of my emotional guts unraveling on the floor.

I’ve been waiting, now, for more than a week to try and decompress. To somehow release that energy in some kind of constructive way.
Some kind of, maybe, life-giving way.
But, like so many other things, life sometimes just gets in the way.

All that to say, I am still waiting to pull on that last piece of the rubber band. To release the tension that is built up in my gut.

But, not today.

Perhaps I’ll think about it tomorrow. Because as Scarlette O’Hara said,
“After all, tomorrow is another day!”

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2018 – A Reflection

Well, it’s that time again. You know, when everyone who has access to the internet shares their views on the year that is now closing. There will be pundits who go over every little bit of political detritus so that they can show everyone how politically astute they are. There will be others who will share with us all of the tech milestones that we have passed. The latest smartphone or Alexa type device will be hailed as the greatest development since the automatic bread slicer. Others will write about entertainment or sports happenings. They will want us to know who the movers and shakers of the industry were. And, they’ll tell us about all of the folks who began 2018 but didn’t survive to ring it out.

I’m not going to do any of that. No, I’m going to keep it personal. Not that my life this past year has been in any way newsworthy. It hasn’t. I am pretty sure, though, that any one who reads this, (maybe both of you!), will be able to relate. After all, none of us are entertainment or sports stars. We don’t hang out in the halls of government. Nor do we own the World Wide Web. I think that we’re all pretty much the same. Just regular folks trying to get by.

So, what happened…

Well, one thing that I don’t think that you can relate to is that as of yesterday I have been sober for one year. “What?” you ask. “You had a drinking problem?” Well, it depends on how you look at it. From where I was in 2017 I could say, “Problem? I drink, I get drunk, I fall asleep. See? No problem.” The truth, though, is that I do have a problem. So, going all through 2018 without imbibing is a pretty big deal.

Perhaps as a result of the first thing, I spent more time on personal fitness. After all, I’m getting to be an old fart. I already had one heart attack. I seriously don’t want a repeat of that. In fact, during June and July I averaged nearly 100 miles walking. I completed the equivalent of a half marathon twice. I slowed down a bit during August and September because of weather. Plus, I had other activities that helped keep me fit. I hope to continue working at this in 2019.

I spent more time writing in 2018 than in previous years. Some of you are aware that I completed NaNoWriMo in November. 50,000+ words in just under 30 days. I also completed that novel by the second week of December. And, I just started a second a couple days ago. Although, I’m under no time constraints with this one. Maybe, by spring I’ll have a first draft. I also decided to pick up the pace here a bit. Whether anyone reads these posts or not, I have continued to write and share. Hopefully, that’ll continue into the new year.

One of the more obscure things that I did was to confirm with a financial advisor that I will, in fact, be able to retire before I reach 70. That was welcome news. Although,that won’t become a reality until 2020, it is something to look forward to. I will never truly retire and become a snow bird traveling between the North and Florida. But, I will no longer be working for someone else.

The biggest accomplishment, though, is the fact that I made it through another year alive and fairly well. It has required an effort to accomplish this. The stuff I wrote above played a large part in making it. I am grateful to those who have had my back during this year, and previous ones. And, I’m learning how to let gratitude continue to grow.

Yeah, 2018 had some rough moments. But, overall I think that it lived well. Soon, that old guy, Father Time, will swing his sickle and all of those past moments will be reaped and stored into the barns of Eternity. From there we can access them, process the grain, and the memories can then sustain us as week walk into the unknown of 2019.

Blessings to you!

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