I promised myself that I was going to take time this weekend to reflect; to write.
Oh, well, maybe next week.
A little over a week ago I was at a memorial for one of my aunts. She walked on last February after a long life ‘being Joan.’
At the memorial I had the privilege of sharing a prayer. That gave me opportunity to think about Joan, (Pronounced: Jo-ANN), and how she influenced me. I promised myself that I wouldn’t get all verklempt and teary-eyed. Of course, that didn’t work out very well.
During the time we were all gathered, remembering, cousins catching up, grandkids wandering around, I stood and watched. The wife of one of my cousins came up and said, “You’re just taking all of this in, aren’t you?”
Yeah, I guess that I was.
We never gather as family anymore. Unless, it’s to bury someone.
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of taking apart a golf ball, then you may understand a little of how I felt.
A golf ball, at least they used to be, was nothing but a loooonnnnggg rubber band wound tightly around some core. This is then covered with a tough rubber coating with dimples. Dimples? Really? They couldn’t come up with a better description?
Anyway, after the cover is removed you can begin to pull off bits of rubber band. Eventually, you get to a point where the band begins to unravel itself. All of that pent-up potential energy lets go and the ball takes on a life of its own. It’s driven to unravel until the hidden core is revealed.
That’s kind of how I felt.
Emotional tension. Potential energy awaiting release. Tight. Ready to explode with all of my emotional guts unraveling on the floor.
I’ve been waiting, now, for more than a week to try and decompress. To somehow release that energy in some kind of constructive way.
Some kind of, maybe, life-giving way.
But, like so many other things, life sometimes just gets in the way.
All that to say, I am still waiting to pull on that last piece of the rubber band. To release the tension that is built up in my gut.
But, not today.
Perhaps I’ll think about it tomorrow. Because as Scarlette O’Hara said,
“After all, tomorrow is another day!”
