I’m getting too old for this shit. I really am. I’ve seen too much needless death in my life.
Recently, I heard about a young woman who took her own life. Another person, family, destroyed. How long? How long must we sit by and watch hopeless people suffer in silence; loneliness? Is no one taking notice?
Yeah, there are people and organizations dedicated to helping people who reach out to them. That’s a wonderful thing for people to give themselves to. Trying to give hope to the hopeless. And, the discussions that have begun over the last few years about mental health are good. It’s sad that it seems that a mass shooting is the only way that these concerns are raised.
But, it’s too little. The issue is way larger than what individual people and organizations can cope. The issue isn’t just in the U.S. It’s global. From Gaza to Ukraine to China to Guatemala, people suffer and die. Needlessly.
What can we do? Isn’t there a way to fix this? If God exists, why don’t we see some kind of Divine Intervention? That’s a thing called Theodicy. I might write about that some time. Or, not.
So, why this particular person? This particular death? Why am I so triggered by this single event?
Honestly, I don’t know. Lord knows that I’ve not been affected by other suicides. Not even those I’ve known personally.
Why?
Part of the reason, I think, is frustration. We try to communicate that things aren’t as bad as they may seem in this moment. Some simplistic thinkers like to say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. These people don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve never stepped to the brink. I have. It’s far more than a temporary solution. It seems to be the ONLY solution. For those who wonder about where’s God? I believe to this day that it had not been for divine intervention you all wouldn’t be reading my nonsense today. Again, maybe a story for another time. Maybe, not.
I’ve had the great gift of studying the Christian Bible. I’ve found that there’s a lot more to it than what any televangelist or priest or pastor or others think. I won’t bore you with details. Yet. For now, let’s just say that I see in these ancient texts people who lived lives in this world. Lives just like us. They had desires and needs. Just like us. They loved and were loved. Just like us. They worried about the same things that worry us. And, they searched for answers. Just. Like. Us.
We all desire answers to life’s problems. Don ‘t we? If you say you don’t, I want what you’re drinking. We read in the various news outlets and hear from the talking heads who presume to be experts in whatever field they live in. We try to explain a problem in such a way that we may try to find solutions. We want to fix what’s we perceive as broken.
What if we’re wrong? What if life isn’t a problem to solved? Something that we can dissemble in order to find a common root? A broken gear tooth that can be fixed simply with a new gear? Isn’t that how we all pursue life? One day; one problem at a time.
Funny how that never really works? We plug one leak, another pops up in the line. Always.
I’m not writing this to sound all doom and gloom. Trying to paint a hopeless future. I’m not. My study of Scripture and my faith have given me, well, a little glimmer of hope. A glimmer that not everyone will see even if I draw a picture. This, too, is part of the reality of life.
I spent most of the summer studying what’s called the “Sermon on the Mount.” The sermon can be found in chapters 5, 6, & 7 in the Gospel According to Matthew. Because of its position and length is the Gospel, it would appear that it’s kind of important. It contains such memorable things like the Golden Rule and the Lord’s Prayer. At least, you’d think so. But, as I’ve studied and meditated and discussed the Sermon, it’s become painfully obvious that it is also one of the most misunderstood texts in the Bible. You see, so many, (most? All?), who read it see it as a compilation of “Jesus sayings” and other material that Matthew, or someone, cobbled together to form what we read today. Their arguments are academically sound. Well, some are. The result is that when people read the Sermon today, when they preach and teach it, they break it into nice little bite sized pieces. Then they develop doctrines and dogma and interpretations based on the tiny pieces they’ve bitten off. In fact, this is how the Scriptures are handled and presented in general. So, when we read the Sermon we learn about the Poor in Spirit and the ones who Mourn or Hunger after Righteousness. We get to hear a person tout all of the properties of salt and light. They will teach us all we need to know about divorce and remarriage. Or, murder and hate. Or, worrying about what we’ll eat or wear.
What we never, or at least, very rarely hear is anything about why Jesus would say all of these thing together in the first place. Why He called His discipled up a hill in order to deliver to them these many things that have to do with life in this world.
I’m not gonna say anymore right now. I’m still angry. But, my anger is not directed at the usual suspects. It’s directed toward me. It’s directed at the “big C” Church. All of that I hope to unpack as I contemplate this more. As God sees fit to let me see. As I’m able to actually see it.