Who Are You, God…Really?

“Don’t worry! We’ll pray that God heals you!”
How many times have people said that? People who truly believe that.

Then, the other dies.

“Well, God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is “No”.
Or, “You must not have had enough faith”.
Or some other rationalization that lets God off the hook.

The Christian Bible is full of stories about genocide and rape; murder, lying, and cheating.
Unbelievably, these things are not only allowed, but in many cases commanded by God!
“Well, you know that God’s ways are not our ways. And, God’s thoughts are way beyond ours.
Only God can see the whole picture.”

Yet, that same Bible contains some of the most tender and intimate love stories ever penned.
And, not just The Song of Solomon.
God is portrayed as a loving parent, lover, and friend.
God defends and encourages.

My own observations are, however, a bit, er, different.

I look around and I see a world in which God is not a leading actor.
God doesn’t answer prayer. At least not in any physical way that can be analyzed and proven
to be a supernatural event.
People are afflicted and they die from causes that are entirely natural.
It really annoys me that a tornado can sweep a city off of the map and a survivor can thank God
that she was spared.
But, her next door neighbor was killed.
Where was God for that person?

There have recently been several cases in the U.S. and Canada where parents allowed a child
to die because their religion states that ‘Prayer alone will heal!’
To that… I call ‘bullshit’.

So what?

My mind has wandered.
A single question has been forming like an image on a piece of film swimming in developer:

Who are You, God…Really?

I ask this because it has become abundantly clear to me that the God I have been taught
about is NOT the God of the ‘real’ world.
The God that I learned about in Sunday school and Communicants’ class and innumerable sermons simply
does not exist. He’s a fake; a phantom.
That God is not omnipotent and is certainly NOT omniscient. That God does not answer the prayer of the sick and needy because that God cannot answer the prayer of the sick and needy.

So, Who are You, God…Really?

Please don’t think that I’m trying to stick it to anyone or their beliefs.

This is a real and honest question that I’m asking.

I truly want to find an answer.

If God truly is God, then there should be no problem with asking.

Questions should be no threat.

I talked to my Spiritual Director about these things.
We both saw the path that I should take.
Jesus told his disciples, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.”
So, we decided that searching the Gospels would be a good place to start
looking for an answer to my question.
Now, I’ve pretty much lived in the Gospels for the last 5+ years.
But, even after all of that time, this question still vexes me.

With that in mind, I have embarked on a new journey.
My path lies through the words written by ancient men who created stories
about the one person in history who claims to have seen God. (”I only do the things that I see the Father doing.”)

At the end, if there is one, I hope to have at least an inkling of who this God that I worship really is.