Category: Emotions

Perfect Love Disarms And Casts Away Fear

Published by mhelbert on February 28, 2024

I wrote a short while ago how I’m so over the current news cycles. Not only are they biased in order to garner clicks and advertisers, they are truly skewed to generate negative emotions. Not like mine. I get frustrated and turn the shit off. On the other hand, there are a huge number of people who sit enthralled by the latest headlines of shootings and war and politicians’ lies. They want to know why these things are happening so they turn to any source that can provide them with some kind of solace. Even if that means diving into the sewer that is Q-anon or the Chans. Even idiotic conspiracy theories are better than nothing when it comes to explaining the world.
Why is this? How is it that normally rational human beings turn to nonsense dressed in satin and lace? I have a theory.
Fear.
Ok, it’s not so much mine. Nor is it a theory. It’s pretty much a proven fact that fear drives people to think and do things that, under normal existence, they would never consider. This is the prime motivation that all of the news networks employ to keep people coming back for more and more bad news. That’s because fear is a great motivator. Folks live in fear for their lives, their livelihoods, and their children. Fear of losing a job or, worse, to lose status and power in the culture sends people into the streets, (and, onto the Capitol steps).
If I was an anthropologist I could likely spin a tale of evolutionary conditioning in which fear was a good thing. Fear kept our ancestors on the lookout for predators. Fear enabled them to ‘fight or flight’ reactions. Our ancient fears allowed our species to survive and thrive. Yeah, if I was that anthropologist. I’m not.
The fear that I’m talking about really has nothing to do with those old self-preservation fears, anyhow. This fear is totally irrational. I know that the main character on the TV show, Irrational, says that all people do irrational things. He’s likely right. But, in today’s world fear drives people to live in irrationality. Fear drives them deeper and deeper into the darkness where light diminishes into shadow.
I wrote several years ago about how some so-called preachers instill fear into those under their care. That is a type of abuse aimed at control. Today’s fear isn’t too far removed from that. Only now the media and political leaders use fear to control everyone within earshot. I am pointing my finger at ALL media and ALL politicians. It doesn’t matter what side of the aisle, fear is the chain that binds people. If you hadn’t noticed, the name of this blog is Breaking the Chains that Bind. That’s why I’m writing this post. We don’t need to be shackled by the cultural public fear that we’re being fed every hour of every day.
Of course, we could simply walk away and ignore it. That’s not practical, but it is possible. We would effectively need to remove ourselves from the public domain and hibernate in a cave somewhere. There’s always the option of educating ourselves about what’s going on. But, when folks are bound up in their own fearful little corner of the world, education doesn’t work. Their personal shields make it impossible for them to accept any facts that may contradict the safety of their world. No, something much more powerful than education must be used. I could claim that faith in God is the only true solution. So many powerful people, re., men, proclaim that Jesus is the Answer. However, they neglect to tell us what the question is. Jesus is touted as the Perfect Elixir for All That Ails Ya. All ya gotta do is think and believe exactly like I tell you to. (Not how I actually think and believe. Just sayin’.)
Way back in the days when the first communities of faith were getting their feet, there was a lot of reason to fear. Not these made up fears that bombard us day and night. There was the real chance that those folks would not live to see another day because of their beliefs. Many of them did not survive. They lost whatever social community they may have grown up with. Their means to earn a living was many times taken from them. Martyrdom was a real possibility. If anyone should be allowed some lee way when it comes to fear, these were the people.
They didn’t. At least not all of them. We read of Ignatius of Antioch we hear of a man who was en-route to Rome in order to die in the arena. A spectacle for Rome that would show that Rome had the true power. Yet, Ignatius is said to have written letters to others and spoken about his impending martyrdom. These sources reveal a person who was a peace.
Why?
St. John the Elder wrote, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love” (1 John 4:18).
Love.
Love is the answer to fear.
If we have love of the ‘other’ then fear of migrants or minorities melts away into vapor. If we love our enemy as Jesus, himself, taught his followers we remove any reason that they may have to harm us. (Of course, some people cannot be deflected from doing harm. Even with the Love of God offered to them.) Even with that parenthesis, our love disallows fear. Love keeps that foul seed from taking root. It’s written that love covers a multitude of sins. That’s true. Fear is one of those sins that love covers and subsumes.
I don’t know why I wrote this particular post. Perhaps, it is a timely word for some folks to hear. All I do know is that I am still working on that whole love thing myself. It isn’t perfected in me. But, I know that fear is not where I want to live. And, Love is the only way to disarm and defeat fear.

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Nothing Lasts Forever

Published by mhelbert on December 29, 2021

I haven’t worn a watch in over 25 years. I guess, maybe, I’ll need to start. Or, not.

The past couple of years have been, well, let’s just say, challenging.
From antagonistic politics to the corona virus we have all had to make adjustments to our thinking. These are obstacles that we have had to navigate as a community. At least, most of us have tried to act like we are our sisters’ and brothers’ keepers.

Other changes have been more personal.

Two years ago I was looking forward to retirement. I spent nearly 50 years in the printing industry. The last 30 were at the same place. I had made the necessary arrangements with my financial advisor. My wife and I were preparing ourselves for the new stage of our relationship that was just 3 months away.

Then, in early February…cancer.

A routine colonoscopy revealed stage 1 cancer.
Immediately life changed. Instead of preparing for a happy transition into retirement turned into preparation for colon surgery. Those who have shared some of this journey with me know that the process did not go smoothly. What should have been a simple surgery turned into 4 surgeries and several months of unplanned-for shit. Literally.

Still, I had the end of my career to shine a bit of light on things. Even with an ostomy I could look forward to my last day of work. There was the pizza party with cake and cards and stuff that accompanied all retirements.

Then, enter Covid 19.

The last month of my time at work turned into isolation and working from home.
At that time I had not seen my coworkers for a bit over a month because of the surgeries. So, I spent the last week and half sitting in my home office monitoring things while the person who was taking my place got a baptism of fire.
April 1, yeah, April Fools’ Day, was my first day of retirement. March 31 should have been my final day at work with all the festivities of saying Good Bye and Good Luck. Instead, one day melded into the next. There was no mixed-feeling send off. I had no opportunity to really say good-bye to folks. Some of them I had worked beside for nearly 30 years. No pizza. No cake. No cards. No nothing.

Just gone.

So, why cry about that now?

Last month the owner of the company I worked for passed. He was a large person and a larger personality. Those of us who had the pleasure of working for him gathered for a final goodbye. I was happy to see so many of my old work friends. Some I hadn’t really seen since before my surgery.
Something was off, though. I felt myself firmly on the outside. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, the only thing that we really had in common was work. And, I was no longer working. It could have been all my imagination, too. Whatever, there was definitely a schism. And, I felt it.

It seems that while we share time and experiences with others there is a very real community. Our common goals cement us into a family-like organism. We consider one another sisters, brothers, mothers, and fathers. All of those dynamics keep us coming back day after day. Then, one day, everything is changed. The family still exists. However, the one who leaves is no longer a member.
Oh, I know that some will disagree with this.
For those I can only way, “Wait. You’ll see.”

Just before Christmas I received that watch shown at the top of this post.
It’s the one I should have gotten on my last day. But, of course, that wasn’t possible. We were isolated, remember? So, apparently it sat, wrapped, in the desk of the HR manager. That is until we saw each other at a funeral and she remembered and decided to ship it to me.
(Still no pizza or cake)

So, now I guess it’s official.
I’m retired.

Gee. Wow. Yippee. Whatever.

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“I HAVE MY RIGHTS!!!” Said Jesus NEVER!

Published by mhelbert on November 25, 2020

I have to say that I’m pretty pissed off right now.
Yeah, I know that I should be glad that the trump reign of incompetence will soon end.
And, there’s hope that new vaccines will knock down Corona virus.
But, these are very things that piss me off.

Let me explain.
As most of you who read this blog thing regularly know, I fled from the world of Evangelical Christianity. I spent over 30 years within those walls. I was formed by the teaching and fellowship of that tribe. I was glad to consider them my family, my sisters, my brothers…my friends. Many of them I still count as friends and family.
That doesn’t mean that I agree with what they currently stand for or believe.
In fact, I found that I had to run from the bubble that so insulates that world as to suffocate those locked inside. Once outside, I had to “shake the dust off of my shoes” in order to begin a process of cleansing. And, as a witness against that world.

Ok, so I’m out and allowing God the Holy Spirit to build anew in my life.
So, why worry about what once was? Why not simply embrace the present and look forward to a blessed future?

The answer is actually quite simple.

EVANGELICALISM HAS BECOME A THREAT TO OUR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING!

Over the years the Evangelical Church, in particular, the White Evangelical Church has become radically political and conservative. Thanks to such people as Jerry Falwell, Sr., this brand of Christianity climbed into bed with the Republican party. Over time, like a parasite, Evangelicalism gorged itself on the power that they were acquiring in the political arena. Christian nationalism grew and the so-called 7 Mountain movement came into its own. This group seeks to install like-minded Christian leadership into every public area in our society.
Conservative values became Christian values. Single issues like abortion or gay rights became a rallying call that could muster the faithful to elect more cultural conservatives.
Evangelicals and political conservatives began to fear-monger in order to activate their political bases.
“Oh my God! Our culture is being overrun by homosexuals and demonic abortionists! Soon, they will take over the schools and the government! We will lose our power and our voice as ‘Muricans!”
We saw the result of this first hand in 2016 when 81% of White Evangelicals threw their lot in with Donald Trump. EIGHTY-ONE PERCENT!!!
In the 2020 election, 76% still supported the pussy-grabbing, lying, pornstar sleeping, adulterous, thrice married bigot.
Much of that was a reaction to that uppity Black guy, Barak Obama. The nerve of him thinking that he could actually be President of these here United States!
Most, however, was that the power that Evangelicals felt as their savior took the oath of office made them giddy with delight.
They could finally impose their will on the majority of citizens because The Donald would give them whatever they desired.
And, he rewarded their faithful loyalty by doing just that.
Nominees to all of the federal courts were approved conservatives. Three of those to the Supreme Court.
But, that wasn’t all.
Evangelicals are expert at playing the persecution card. If someone doesn’t agree with their particular brand of Christianity they claim that they are being persecuted.
Don’t want to sell to gay people?
“I’m being persecuted because I can’t let my religious bigotry keep ‘those’ people out of my shop!”
The biggest lie that these people tell, however, is costing lives.
There are many large Evangelical churches and organizations who think that the minimal requirements for curbing the current Covid-19 pandemic are an affront to their rights.
When businesses were shutting down because of the spread of Covid, churches were often exempt from those orders.
And, how dare some politician tell ME that I have to wear a mask or social distance!
I have rights, you know.
In particular, there is a church in California pastored by Covidiot John MacArthur. He heads Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California. He spent much of the summer in litigation with state, city, and county officials over his refusal to do anything at all to help stem the spread of the virus. For him, his religious rights trumped the health of the community. I single him out, but there are many, many more church leaders like him across the country.
One of the tacts that MacArthur and his cohort take is to cite scripture for there defiance.
They say that the writer of the Book to the Hebrews has a verse that commands them to gather together. That verse is in chapter 10.
It reads:

“not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing.
[New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Heb 10:25). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.]

They make the claim that this verse demands that they obey God rather than humans.
They are compelled to gather together because told them “Not to forsake our own assembling together.”
This is what most people refer to as ‘Proof texting.’
People have a belief in something, so they pour over the Scriptures until they find a verse that “Proves” that belief is correct.
(Actually, it only Proves their ignorance.)
Proof texters yank any verse or passage out of its context just so they can say that they have a Biblical basis for their opinion.
In this case, that verse does NOT provide them with the clarity they so desperately desire.
In its context, the writer of this book was trying to encourage people to maintain their faithfulness to God. It seems that some were becoming discouraged. Their old friends and relations had rejected them. They weren’t welcome at the clubs. Some may have been getting a ‘side eye’ from people on the street. And, they had been taught that Jesus, himself, was going to return and vindicate them. That day seemed further and further off. Some had apparently given up and left the fledgling church to return to their own lives. At least there they would be treated with the respect and dignity that they just knew that they deserved.
This was the social context that Hebrews was written to address. If people really want to get an idea of what the writer was getting at, we must look at a couple other things.
First, the previous verse provides a reason for the above encouragement.
It states,

“And let us pay attention to each other for the provoking of love and good works.
[Translation by Gareth Lee Cockerill in, The New International Commentary on the New Testament: The Epistle to the Hebrews, ed. Joel B.Green, Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, MI, 2012, p.464.]”

The writer encouraged the readers to love others and do good works.
How was the best way for these 1st century believers to do that?
By gathering together to encourage one another. He especially called on those who did find themselves discouraged, who may have developed a ‘habit’ of sleeping in on Sunday, to be of good cheer and gather!
Jesus was King and Savior! He sits on a throne next to the Father in the heavenlies!
He will bring his reward for those who remain faithful!
That is what the writer called for.
There is no command in this.
There is no imperative anywhere in this verse.
“Don’t forsake one another. Especially, as you see the Day (of the Lord) approaching.

Are there ways that we can fulfill this writer’s words of encouragement today?
Do these ways absolutely require us to gather together and disregard the health and safety of our sisters and brothers in the faith? Of our families? Of our co-workers and friends? Of our communities?
Yes! There are many ways that we can do this task without the dangers of virus exposure.
But, it seems that the Evangelicals would rather exert their own rights to disregard any so-called government meddling that might cause them a bit of discomfort.
“I Have My Rights,” say the people who claim to follow a Lord and Master about whom it was written,

5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
[New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Php 2:5–8). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.]

God would NEVER, let me say it again, God Would NEVER require the faithful to do anything that could bring harm and suffering to anyone.
Let that thought sit in your mind and grow roots.
Let the Love that sprouts from those roots grow and bear fruit that may bring blessing, not curse, to us all.

This post is written in loving memory of, Bob Mertes, a dear Brother in Christ who recently walked on after a battle with Covid-19.
Rest in Peace, Bro! We’ll catch ya on the other side!

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I’m So Tired

Published by mhelbert on June 9, 2020

I’ve struggled with writing this post.
The reason for the difficulty is that
I’m tired.
I’m tired of listening to the news day in and day out
about how the Left hates America and the Right hates everyone.
I’m tired of hearing that Covid-19 is a hoax and that the
murder of innocent children and educators at Sandy Hook was staged.
Right now the streets of the country are filled with righteously indignant people protesting yet another act of Street Justice Capital Punishment inflicted on an African American man.

ANOTHER ONE!!!

How. Freaking. More. Lives. Must. Be. Lost?
I’m really tired because we’ve been through this all before.
Apparently, to no avail.
So I guess I can add frustrated to tired.
I’m tired and I’m frustrated.
And, I’m losing hope.
I was a kid in the early 1960s. I didn’t watch the news. I was only interested in Superman and Roy Rogers. But, by the time ‘65 and ‘66 rolled around I was beginning to see scenes of people marching with signs and police officers and soldiers trying to stop them.
My father, whom I loved dearly, grew up in small town America. He had no use for these people with the signs. And, he was fairly vocal about it.
1967, “The Summer of Love,” came around and, again, the news was flooded with images of people dressed rather unconventionally dancing and getting high. Rock-n-Roll was definitely here to stay.
The images of people being killed in some far-away jungles were also appearing on the nightly news. In all honesty, I had no clue what that was all about. I was a 12 year old aspiring rock-n-roller who spent most of his time with a guitar in his hands. Oh, and chasing 12 year old girls. Yeah, that was important, too.
In 1968 I sat in front of the TV and witnessed the murders of MLK and Bobby Kennedy. Soon, the nation was burning and people were getting their heads caved in on the streets of Chicago.
More people marching with more signs.
More police and soldiers standing in their way.
And, you know what?
Some things actually changed.
In the mid-60s the Voting Rights Act was passed.
People began to talk to one another.
Flower Children planted flowers in M-16s.
By the time I graduated from high school in 1973, we began to
have hope that the Times, They Were A-Changin’.

Then, something changed.

In the words of Steppenwolf, I think we “grew fat and got lazy.”
We thought that the Monster was dead. But, it had just slunk into its hole somewhere to lick its wounds.
We grew up. We started families and gained responsibilities: bills to pay; jobs to work; soccer practice…
Reagan promised us prosperity and we believed him.

Now, here we are.
Again.
Throwing rocks and tear gas at each other.
Shooting unarmed Black men and wearing body armor.
Squeezing every cent out of poor people who can’t afford to be squeezed. Watching the poorest bear the brunt of a global pandemic while politicians squabble about pennies.

I really hate some cliches, but it seems to be a truism that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

And, I’m tired of it.
I’m too fucking old to keep seeing this play out the same damned way time after time after time after God. Damned. Time!

Is there hope?

No. Not if we try to deal with society and culture the same way we did 50 years ago. If we simply throw money at it the Monster will simply sate its appetite and demand more.

Perhaps, there is a way to slay the beast. Or, at least one tactic in the battle.
I’ll muse about that in another post.

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Well, We Made It

Published by mhelbert on April 1, 2020

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

So goes that old saying.
Today is supposed to be different. At least, so I’ve been told.
I officially enter the ranks of the Retired.

I don’t know.
I feel kind of ambivalent about the whole thing.
Maybe cuz of everything else that’s going on.
Cancer; surgeries; coronavirus; stay at home orders.
This is certainly not how I imagined this day would be.

But, time moves on in spite of what may be happening around us.
And, here we are.
We made it.

I’m sure that eventually I’ll settle in to a new way of living without a time clock.
Maybe I’ll even celebrate! When the restaurants open and we’re once again allowed to gather together.

I don’t know.

Maybe.

Until then, I appreciate the well-wishes from all of you.
I hope that we can remain in touch as time moves on.

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Gratitude

Published by mhelbert on February 28, 2020

The past month has been, well, unique for me.
I began the month looking forward to my retirement looming just at the horizon. I could see the glint and glitter of my own Emerald City as the rays of the sun caressed it. The reflections dancing on the wisps of clouds that soared so high above.

Then, I have what?!?

And, the roller coaster plunged down that first hill.
Cedar Point got nothing on this one!

The weeks that followed my diagnosis have been, well, a tad turbulent.
I’ve had what appeared to be one setback after another. From suspicious spots on my liver to a failed cardiac test.
All of these things adding to the stress and anxiety that was already present.

Oh, and still trying to get all of the details nailed down for that retirement thing.

It’s been, well, interesting.

Yet, even as I sit here, still uncertain about what’s next, I am filled with gratitude.

I am extremely grateful that on that November Monday morning in 2011 that Dr. Dean Nukta was on call at Fairview Hospital. He was the person who put two stents in the main artery of my heart that was 100% blocked. He saved my life that day.
I am grateful that he is still my doctor and, when an abnormality showed up in a stress test, immediately scheduled a cardiac cath so he could determine what was happening. He cared enough about my upcoming cancer surgery to shoe-horn me in. He also oversaw this procedure. In all of the years that I’ve been his patient, yesterday was the first time that I saw him smile as he told me that everything looked great.
So, thank you Dr. Nukta.

Staying with that theme, I want to sincerely thank the entire cath team for their work.
They were professional, yet personable. They were a comfort both in their presence and their expertise.
The team in Pre/Post, especially Jackie, deserve cudos. Again, their care, compassion, and professionalism were greatly appreciated.

I want to thank all of you who have been following this continuing saga. Your concern and well-wishes are appreciated more than you can ever know.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Of course, my wife and daughter have been pillars for me. Even though they are both battling illness, they have risen to the task of supporting me physically and emotionally.
There are not enough thanks that can be offered for them.

God, too, is deserving of my gratitude. Perhaps not for the reasons that some of you may expect. I am grateful to Yahweh for Presence. I am not some kind of holy person. I don’t walk around with my religious head up my sanctified butt.
But, I do recognize God’s Presence. If I seem comfortable and peaceful it’s not because I have some ability to rise above circumstance. I don’t. In truth, I am a real pain in the ass. However, if I can testify to anything at all it’s that God has been fully Present throughout this time.
Please don’t think that I’m saying that God is somehow orchestrating the process. I don’t believe that for a second.
God is Present in the process.
God Empathizes wholly with what I am experiencing and has chosen to walk beside me as I go through all of this.
So, yes, I am grateful to God for Presence.

I am still awaiting the outcome of that MRI I had yesterday.
That will be the final determinate as to whether I have surgery on Monday or, um, something else less encouraging.

I do appreciate you all for your support.
And, I hope that I don’t need to return this particular favor.
I don’t wish what I am experiencing on anyone.
But, if the time should come, I will do my best to walk with you.

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I Think That I Need A Sherpa Guide To Navigate These Mountains

Published by mhelbert on February 27, 2020

Ok!
I said that I was going to chronicle my journey with cancer. I found out a little over two weeks ago that I have a mass in my colon. Biopsy showed it is cancer.
Now, for a normal person that would mean a CT scan to see if there was any spread.
Once done, surgery would be scheduled and the cancer removed.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who knows me knows that there’s nothing normal about me. So, of course this has turned into one major cluster-f@#k.
First, the CT scan showed a couple spots on my liver. They are too small to determine xactly what they are. So, the surgeon ordered an MRI. Of course, that requires
pre-certification from my insurance company.
Add 10 days to the wait for surgery.

In the mean-time, I had to involve my cardiologist because I had a heart attack in 2011. They put 2 stents in the LAD artery, the so-called “Widow Maker.”
My cardiologist ordered a nuclear stress test to determine how well the blood flows through my coronary arteries.
Even though I studied hard, I apparently failed that test.
I saw my cardiologist yesterday. He explained that there are two parts of my heart that showed poor blood flow.
He ordered a cardiac cath so that he can go in and see exactly what the issues are.

So, what does all of this mean?

Here’s the down low.

MRI
If the spots on my liver are normal cysts or something else that isn’t a problem, I would be cleared for colon surgery on Monday.
If, however, the spots are possibly cancer, the surgery is off and I get to start chemo.
fun.
Heart cath
If the cath shows no major problem, then I go home and am clear for surgery on monday.
If the doc finds something serious and needs to put in a stent or other intervention, then I stay in hospital and the surgery is postponed.

As you’re reading this, I’m prepping for the MRI.
And, I still don’t know a thing about anything.

I won’t know if surgery is a go until, perhaps tomorrow.

So, for a normal person the surgery would have been done almost 2 weeks ago and that person would be sitting at home healing.

For me?

Well, shit!
Normal’s no fun!!!

I will try to keep you all updated as this somewhat rocky journey continues.

Oh, does anyone have a compass?

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Sleep, Blessed Sleep

Published by mhelbert on February 26, 2020

Midnight.
Sleep eludes.
It runs and hides from the Maelstrom of my Mind
Menacing.

Thoughts.
Images.
Emotions.

Rushing, Churning.
“When will it stop?!”

Awake and restless.
Like a Horizontal Square Dance,
“Toss to the left; Turn to the right.
Sit up straight; Awake all Night.”

“Please, Yahweh, Let Sleep, Blessed Sleep
fall upon me.”

Yet, here I am still.

Waiting.

Hoping.

Praying.

“Please, help.”

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There’s Nothing Sweet About the Sorrow of Parting

Published by mhelbert on February 22, 2020

Juliet said to Romeo, “Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
Little did she know at the time what a great tragedy was in store for them both.

That phrase is still used today to convey hope that there will be a future return.
Those parted will one day find their paths converging in a joyful reunion.
Such is the hope, anyway.

I am finding no sweetness in the partings that lie before me.
I will be officially retiring from active employment at the end of March.
However, with cancer surgery looming large on the near horizon and at least a month of recovery time, I will be leaving my current workplace at the end of next week.

Five more workdays.
Two of those will be taken by tests for the upcoming surgery.
So, three days.

Three days to pack in almost 30 years of shared experience.

Yeah, it’s true that there are some that I work with who I will be glad to show my heels.
Not everyone gets along in any family. Right?

There are those who you know on sight, but need to check their shirt in order to remember their name.
“Hey! How ya doin’ uh, Mark?”
These are good folks, but nothing more than fellow grunts in the trenches.

The others, though.
The ones that you have laughed with over the years.
You shared in the joys of marriages and the birth of children.
They’re the ones that you would gladly take dinner to when they have need.
Friends with whom you shared their most deep and painful loss.
How do you say goodbye to these?
People who each own a piece of your heart?

I suppose that there are people who can go through their entire career and not forge bonds like these. For them, when it’s time to move on to the next phase of life they simply wave and they’re gone.

I’m not like that.
These are folks that I have spent the better share of 30 years with.
Folks that I have spent more waking hours with than my own family.
People who I love and care about deeply.

Sure, my company has graciously agreed to let me work from home for the few weeks between surgery and retirement. I am more than grateful to them for this.
So, in a way, these who are beloved will still be present with me.
But, what about their faces?
The laughter shared over a joke. Or, the eyes that suddenly open and shine with sudden understanding at the solution to a problem.
These things will be missing.
Then, when April showers come along, I will be gone.

Yeah, I know. There are ways to stay in touch. I can always go back for a visit.
Maybe, I’m just being overly emotional about this.

Sorry. I can’t help that right now.
I’m emotionally invested in these people.
Heartstrings are being pulled and stretched to the breaking point.

I hope that I can adequately thank these, my dearest friends and comrades, over the next few days.
I’m not sure that such gratitude can be expressed.
But, I’ll try.

I love you, guys.

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But, What If?

Published by mhelbert on February 18, 2020

Folks who know me understand that I have no qualms about asking questions.
Tough questions.
Of anyone.
For any reason.

Most of the time I ask questions in order to evoke reflection.
I’m not really challenging anyone.
I want them to think deeply about what they are saying or doing.
And, questions open up the possibility of discussions.
Discussion is always good.

Especially, for someone like me.

You see, many times I have no idea what I think about something until I actually say it out loud. (Or, write about it. Like now.)
So, in forming and stating questions I am more able to process the internal thoughts that roam free upon the ranges of my mind.

I take this same approach when I speak to, and about, God.
Hey! I heard that collective gasp out there!
“What?!? You question God?”

Sure. Why not?
Do you really think that God is afraid of my questions?
Perhaps I might catch God off guard with something?
One time I said to a pastor of the church I was attending that God is OK with our questions.
His response?
“Well, maybe. But, I wouldn’t push it.”

Push God?

How exactly does a person “Push God”?

Anyway, that said, I want to get to the real reason for this post.
(The mark of a true writer is to be able to write a whole bunch of words before making a point. It boosts word count.)

Most of you know that I’m currently dealing with colon cancer.
It’s like going to a party and receiving a White Elephant gift.
“Ok, now what am I supposed to do with this purple Bobbing Bird?”
Many people have expressed their concern and have said that they will keep me in their thoughts and prayers.
I appreciate this sentiment. It reveals our common concern for others. We’ve all suffered through one thing or another. So, we try to empathize with those who are currently suffering.
So, to all of you, a heartfelt, “Thank You”!

But, what if……

There are a lot of people out there who think that all they need to do is garner enough faith and pray. They think that God will then miraculously heal them.
If they follow the correct procedure, according to their unique reading of Holy Scripture, God is almost obligated to heal them.
“But, God said if I have faith like a mustard seed I can tell this mountain to throw itself into the sea! And, it will! Hallelujah!”
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen a lot of heavenly landscaping recently.
These same people have built million dollar industries on the fear of people.
Folks get sick. The diagnosis is dire.
Benny Hinn says, “God will heal you!” as he puts his hands on your head.
The emotions of the moment are overwhelming.
You find yourself being helped to the floor by attendants who work for the scamvangelist.
People in the room and around the world see this and happily reach into their undernourished bank accounts to send money so that “God’s work can continue.”

But, what if……

God doesn’t work that way?

But, what if……

God’s only real promise to us is that,
“I will never leave you nor forsake you”?

But, what if……

God never intended for us to avoid all of the stuff, good and bad, that makes us human?

But, what if……

God understands our suffering and sorrows and will walk with us as we move forward?

I know that some folks will take issue with these thoughts.
Some may even question my faith.

But, what if……

God is not afraid of the questions?

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