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Category: Just for Fun

Where the Wind

My heart hurts.

Torn by the Wind

Casting Aeolian dust in a minor key.

Obscuring hopes of enlightenment.

Darkening the landscape with glass mites that bore and shred,

Creating raw contours. Exposing nerve and synapse to

Elements tormenting.

How this affectation effects affection?

Where is affection?

I don’t know.

Lost to the Wind.

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It’s Wednesday…

Dear Diary,

Well, here we are. September 18, 2019. Hump Day.

Whoopee fizz.

While it may be true that the Sun will come up today somewhere, a shadow remains over my heart. I can’t see what’s casting that shadow.

The darkness is palpable. A chill has settled over the verdant fields of my soul. The bright colors of green, yellow, and red have become monochromatic; gray and dull.

Where are the birds that skitter in the bright, blue sky? Their songs expressing joy and gaiety in far better language than 240 characters allow.

Have the deer lost their ability to bound over the hills and through the vales that texture my dreamscape? It seems so.

Yet, there is hope.

Because somewhere, the Sun will arise.

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Back to Work

Hey! Any New Year resolutions out there?
Any that haven’t been broken yet?
I resolved many years ago not to make any. That way I don’t break them. Besides, if a resolution can’t be turned into a consistent lifestyle change it’s only a fad. I try to stay away from those. When I was younger and followed the fad du jour all I did was spend a lot of money on clothes that I would wear for a month. Then, off to Goodwill or something. I had to make room for the newest fad for whatever.
I do hope this year to work on the Grumpy McGrumperson thing. Not so that I get better at being a Grump. I want to de-Grump a bit. We’ll see. I’m really good at Grumpying. And, I always like to play to my strengths. This may be one, though, that’s in need of a Grumpectomy.
Went back to work today after a couple weeks off. It was good to see some of the people. Wish everyone Happy New Year and such. Work is such a bother sometimes, though. I was getting used to spending 3-4 hours in the morning in silence and writing. Now, I barely have 1 1/2 hours. After work is really not a good time for creative things. My brain is usually mush when I get home. I may need to adjust that, though. I have one novel to start the re-write process. Plus, I started another story over the weekend. Those two projects along with trying to keep up with this blog, housework, and getting some physical activity in is difficult. Especially when you’re a feeble, old fart like me.
Anyway, that’s all for now.
If you want to share your own resolutions, just use the Comments.

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2018 – A Reflection

Well, it’s that time again. You know, when everyone who has access to the internet shares their views on the year that is now closing. There will be pundits who go over every little bit of political detritus so that they can show everyone how politically astute they are. There will be others who will share with us all of the tech milestones that we have passed. The latest smartphone or Alexa type device will be hailed as the greatest development since the automatic bread slicer. Others will write about entertainment or sports happenings. They will want us to know who the movers and shakers of the industry were. And, they’ll tell us about all of the folks who began 2018 but didn’t survive to ring it out.

I’m not going to do any of that. No, I’m going to keep it personal. Not that my life this past year has been in any way newsworthy. It hasn’t. I am pretty sure, though, that any one who reads this, (maybe both of you!), will be able to relate. After all, none of us are entertainment or sports stars. We don’t hang out in the halls of government. Nor do we own the World Wide Web. I think that we’re all pretty much the same. Just regular folks trying to get by.

So, what happened…

Well, one thing that I don’t think that you can relate to is that as of yesterday I have been sober for one year. “What?” you ask. “You had a drinking problem?” Well, it depends on how you look at it. From where I was in 2017 I could say, “Problem? I drink, I get drunk, I fall asleep. See? No problem.” The truth, though, is that I do have a problem. So, going all through 2018 without imbibing is a pretty big deal.

Perhaps as a result of the first thing, I spent more time on personal fitness. After all, I’m getting to be an old fart. I already had one heart attack. I seriously don’t want a repeat of that. In fact, during June and July I averaged nearly 100 miles walking. I completed the equivalent of a half marathon twice. I slowed down a bit during August and September because of weather. Plus, I had other activities that helped keep me fit. I hope to continue working at this in 2019.

I spent more time writing in 2018 than in previous years. Some of you are aware that I completed NaNoWriMo in November. 50,000+ words in just under 30 days. I also completed that novel by the second week of December. And, I just started a second a couple days ago. Although, I’m under no time constraints with this one. Maybe, by spring I’ll have a first draft. I also decided to pick up the pace here a bit. Whether anyone reads these posts or not, I have continued to write and share. Hopefully, that’ll continue into the new year.

One of the more obscure things that I did was to confirm with a financial advisor that I will, in fact, be able to retire before I reach 70. That was welcome news. Although,that won’t become a reality until 2020, it is something to look forward to. I will never truly retire and become a snow bird traveling between the North and Florida. But, I will no longer be working for someone else.

The biggest accomplishment, though, is the fact that I made it through another year alive and fairly well. It has required an effort to accomplish this. The stuff I wrote above played a large part in making it. I am grateful to those who have had my back during this year, and previous ones. And, I’m learning how to let gratitude continue to grow.

Yeah, 2018 had some rough moments. But, overall I think that it lived well. Soon, that old guy, Father Time, will swing his sickle and all of those past moments will be reaped and stored into the barns of Eternity. From there we can access them, process the grain, and the memories can then sustain us as week walk into the unknown of 2019.

Blessings to you!

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Old Year; New Day

Well, there’s one more day left in this ol’ year. Soon, the ball will drop and a brand, spankin’ new year will miraculously appear. But, I’ll have more to say about that tomorrow. Today I just want to reflect on a couple of things. Being a melancholy introvert will cause such reflection.

Today, while I sat quietly at my desk, letting the soft living light of candles illuminate me, I looked back over the last, (what’s it been?), sixty some odd years. Maybe reflecting like that is the prerogative of the old and the ‘well-on-their-way-to-being-old.’

I see in my backwards-looking crystal orb much to be glad and happy about. The fact that I’ve lived this long is one of them. There are, of course, the usual milestones that reveal happy moments. For those I am extremely glad. How bleak and barren life would have been without them.

But, then, there are the regrets. Now, I know all of the cliches that people like to toss around when the topic of regret is brought up. I know that there is a lot of truth in those sayings. There is a lot of truth in the pain of regret, also. It’s a real thing and will not be denied its pound of flesh.

Why, for instance, didn’t I follow my heart? There are so many stories out there about “being true to yourself,” or “follow your dreams,” or “let the desire of your heart lead you.”

Fairy tales.

That’s not how life is lived in the “real world.”

In the real world you need to “toe the line”; “keep your nose to the grindstone”; “don’t make waves.” You must be responsible and sensible. Get a job! Find someone good to marry. Raise a family.

And, I have to say, all of those can be good things. Very good things.

But, are the Fairy Tale world and the ‘Real’ world mutually exclusive?

The obvious answer is, of course, no they’re not. Many people live in both worlds very successfully.

Many don’t, though.

And, for those there are regrets.

At this time, when the old year wanes, is a good time to reflect. To assess the course steered through the years. As I stand on the bridge of the ship and look back at the wake thrown by it, I see a crazy zigging and zagging. A true ship’s captain would have followed a course that would have created a ruler straight wake.

But, that’s not my way. Never has been.

What of the future?

Ah, that!

Well, no time of reflection is complete without considering hope. Is there hope in tomorrow?

Yes!

There must be. Else, why continue on?

I have hope that the time lost may be redeemed. Somehow. In days past I would have added “God willing.” I no longer trust that. I wasted too much time waiting for God to be willing. Now, I say, “Yeah! If I can pull my head out of my arse and DO SOMETHING!”

I, just like you, was born with certain abilities and talents. I spent too many years squandering mine. Perhaps, tomorrow, or in the New Year, I’ll actually employ those things. So, yeah, there is hope.

And, just maybe we can all look toward what is to come with a firm will and eyes shining in the light of a new day.

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The Wheel

Wheel turns inexorably onward.
Where does it lead?
Nowhere.
Turning, it turns within another…larger.
Others attach and spin faster and faster.
Yet, going nowhere.
Only round and round and round she goes!
Where she stops, nobody knows!

Hands on a face.
Covering tears.
Hiding zits.
Put away shame.
Yet, the wheel turns inexorably onward.

Why do they call them hands?
They look more like spears.
Weapons in the hands of the wheels.
But, the wheels have no hands.

Grow; Age; Rot…
What if the turning stopped?
Would that keep the rot away?
Would the rot rot?

Wheels in the sky keep turning.
When to sow; when to reap.
When to fertilize the seed.

The wheel begins another turn.

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The Most Magical Time of the Year

It’s that time of year again. The season changes from Autumn to Winter. We begin the journey toward Spring and New Life. It’s also called the most magical time of the year. Do you believe in magic?
I don’t mean the hocus pocus of Penn and Teller.
Nor, do I mean the song by the Lovin’ Spoonful.
I mean Magic.
Something that cannot be empirically explained.
A world where the laws of physics that exist in our world
simply don’t hold anymore.
How about ‘Spirit’? Sentient beings who may, or may not, inhabit the World of Magic.
Let’s tease this out a bit more.
Do you believe that Magic and Spirit can interact with us in THIS world?
Well? Do you?
I think that these ‘Other’ things are, in fact, a reality.
Let me explain…
In order to see these places, a special tool must be used. It’s a tool called “Child-Like Faith.” And, it’s not just for kids! But, children seem to come about it more naturally than we who are older and wiser. Children are naturally aware of a reality that can’t be measured or quantified. They seem to be able to intuit things that we Olders find it necessary to study and explain.
I think that this is something more than mere belief. Olders can “believe” in something if we can find a tangible basis for it. Like a book or something. But, kids don’t need a book to tell them to believe. They can stand in wide-eyed wonder and awe as the white, fuzzy top of a dandelion wafts away on the breeze.
It’s Magical!
They are able to enter into a story and see and smell the forests where fairies dwell and the oceans that contain wonders that no human eye has ever seen.
It’s Magical!
Who are we to say that such a place doesn’t exist? Perhaps, the people who would say that such belief is delusional or ignorant are actually the ones who are delusional and ignorant!
There are stories in every culture that tell of worlds that are inhabited by beings that no biology book has ever described. Things that Darwin did not see in his travels. But, Odysseus did. Many of these stories were told for training and morality. Aesop’s Fables and countless others that carry messages that are used to form our ethical foundations. But, there are many other stories that don’t fall into that category. Stories where magic and spirits are real and the world of the senses are foiled. Could these stories be windows into real worlds that truly exist? Places that inspire Awe and Wonder in children?
Let’s speculate a bit.
Our empirical sciences point to various electro-chemical reactions in our brains as the true source of creativity. With this in mind, we have created ways to exercise and stimulate these reactions. With enough exercise writers, musicians, artists, and others who visualize thoughts into reality can strengthen their craft and ‘Create.’ And, there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen. Scientifically proven…there’s nothing special about it. And, absolutely nothing magical.
But, what if?
What if there is something within each person that can be attuned to some other reality? Of course, we would think that science would have identified such an organ, or gland, or something by now. Right? They have pretty much mapped the brain. They can see how various stimuli ‘light up’ different parts of the brain. They can measure and quantify the results of these stimuli. Can they identify the source? What if there is no external stimulus? What reveals different worlds to the writer? Where do melodies and harmonies derive their existence? Where in the world did Picasso get his inspiration?
I’m just a guy who imagines things. I have no idea where the science has or hasn’t traveled. But, what if there is something that lies quietly within us? Some latent ability that enables us to ‘see’ other realities where Magic and Spirit dwell?
That would be truly Magical!

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The Eyes Have It

They say that the eyes are the window of the Soul.

Not so much that they allow light to enter,

But, they allow the light within to radiate outward.

People may change the color and style of their hair or the shape of their nose.

Grimace and pout; Giggle and laugh.

Fold arms and raise angry fists.

Dance a jig or march a dirge.

The eyes, though, are truthful.

Nothing is hid from one who knows how to see.

Open your eyes! And, I will see your soul’s light reflected in my heart!

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Wednesday Musings

Yesterday was interesting. And, not because anything out of the ordinary happened.
I had lunch with the Rector of the church I’ve attended since September.
But, before I left to meet Fr. Alex, I watched “Ghosts of Christmas Eve” with
The Trans Siberian Orchestra. I really like TSO. Being a musician I appreciate
what the arrangers did. Especially, since I cut my musical teeth on Prog Rock from
the early 70s, the mash-up of classically inspired shredding guitars is a favorite.
So, when the first scene opened I found it strange that my emotions began to surface.
In fact, until late in the program it took a concerted effort to not sit there and bawl like
a baby. Now, I’ve had music affect me emotionally before. Certain passages and sequences
of notes charge me up. Chills and constricted arrector pili muscles appear on my arms.
Yesterday was different, though. And, honestly, I have no clue why. The script and acting
in the program were mediocre at best. Contrived and frivolous at worst. Was it simply
the music? I don’t think so. The wave of emotion began well before the music really took off.
Maybe, it was the idea of the young runaway spending Christmas Eve in a run down old
theater. The old story goes that no one should be alone on Christmas. As I write this, I’m
still not sure what the deal was.
But, I’m kinda glad for it. It proves, once again, that I am not Mr. Spock. I do have emotions
that surface and cause me to reflect. And, in spite of everything, I am connected to other
people and the World at large in ways that are not always predictable.
Maybe, that’s a good thing.

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Musing on a Saturday Morning

This past week was hard. I wrote and posted some pretty harsh words. The topics engender my ire and stoke my passion. Injustice and hatred have always been triggers for me.
The issues that I wrote about are absolutely links in chains that bind many, many people. I would love to see those links broken, lying on the ground in pieces. So, I write about them hoping that my words may enlighten and encourage others who struggle, as I have.
There are other links and other chains, though, that are just as binding. These are ones that bind us to a particular path in life. They hold us fast to iron fixtures that are fastened to the cold, stone of dungeon prisons.
We all have them.
They are made up of the expectations that we, and others, have piled on us over the years. The lost or missed opportunities to pursue our dreams are the bolts that secure the chain. Words that may have been meant to guide, yet became the shackles that have held us fast, unable to move.
When I was young I remember wanting to make things that people liked. I drew pictures. I made up songs and dances. I was a kid! And, kids do these things as expressions of what they are learning. We all wanted our productions, our ‘art,’ to be accepted. How many of us who drew a picture that our mom or dad just gushed praise on said, “Here! Wait! I’ll do another one!” Then we ran off to our paper and crayons and instantly produced another masterpiece. Just walk into any American home today where young children live and take a look at the refrigerator. Most will have all kinds of magnets that secure the work of a budding Renoir or, maybe better, a young Picasso.
“Here! Look what I made!”
We grow older, but the desire to create things that please oneself and others is still there. We just choose other ways of expressing that creativity. For me, it was music. I was blessed, (cursed?), to grow up when rock was young. Bands like The Beatles and Jan & Dean were popping up all over. Folk music was at the pinnacle of its popularity. I remember standing in our living room with The New Christy Minstrels playing “Green, Green” on our mono record player while holding a tennis racket like a guitar. Yep! The beginnings of air guitar right there. My parents thought that I might like learning how to play the real thing. So, at 9 years old, I was presented with my first instrument. I don’t remember the brand. I just remember that it was a big old acoustic with a warped neck. I couldn’t even press the string to the fretboard past the third fret. But, it was mine! My dad signed me up for lessons at a local music store. “Gardner’s Academy of Music.” My teacher was the owner. King Gardner. He was an older guy, thinning hair and a mustache. After taking lessons for a while it became apparent that the instrument I had was woefully inadequate. So, my dad parted with $80 to buy me a red sunburst Harmony Rocket. Wow! My first electric guitar! King also sold us the small Danelectro amp that we used in his studio. I was set. Watch out world! Here I come!
I joined my first band when I was 12. We knew, I don’t know, about 8 songs. But, that was enough to play parties and some dances. And, if nothing else, we were loud! I continued to play and learn. At one point I spent about 8 hours everyday practicing. I walked around thinking guitar and playing air guitar. My dad used to chide me, “What? Are you afflicted? One hand waving in the air and the other scratching your navel.”
Soon, though, reality began to set in. At least for those people who knew better. My parents began to press me toward learning something that I could actually make a “real” living at. Aunts and Uncles soon joined that chorus. I had to listen. They were older and wiser that I was.
“You can have it as a hobby, of course. But, you’ll never make a living doing that.”
Ok. I kept playing in small bands on weekends. It was fun, I guess. But, the joy of discovery and forging a new path in the Unknown was gone. What had once been a fiery passion had now been tamed. As B. B. King once sang, “The Thrill is Gone.” Of course, his song was about a relationship between two people. It was still fitting for me, though.
A link was forged.
The chain made longer…heavier.
I share this because I think that we all have similar experiences. We find something that fires our passions. We find joy, love, acceptance, and accomplishment. Then, someone comes along and says, “Well, that’s real nice and all. But, it’s not real.” Or, “That thing will never fly, Orville.” Over years we listen to these voices. Many times, perhaps most, it’s our own voice telling us these things. We become so conditioned to what’s right or acceptable that we learn that language and speak it to ourselves.
I don’t know. I’m just rambling. Maybe, it’s the time of year. Maybe, it’s the time of life.
They say we can never go back. And, they’re right.
But, maybe we can start something new.
Maybe there’s still hope for that child who was so full of wonder and delight to poke an impish face around that corner and say,

  “SURPRISE!”

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