Which Stars in the Heavens are the ones who have Crossed us? They set the boundaries of our hearts before we could even smile at one another.
And, what a smile You have!
Your eyes glow from an unseen internal fire that blazes forth Threatening to consume my heart.
Yet, it is not to be. The Heavens have spoken, “No love for You!” they say while rolling around laughing. “How presumptuous of those mere mortals! They actually thought that their lives matter! Ha! We’ll show them that their loves are worth less than the stardust that created them.”
A Bard once wrote: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
Such love must be allowed to transcend th’ eternal dictates of the Heavens!
“Aye! Ya canna go there,” the grizzled, old mariner said. “Ya sail west you’ll find beasties that’ll eet ya!”
We smile when we read about the myth of the flat Earth with monsters at the edge awaiting some hapless ship. How quaint and, well, ignorant.
It’s kind of interesting that we tend to mythologize things that we are ignorant about. I read that there were actually people in the early days of space exploration who wondered whether or not we would actually find Heaven.
Until we explore, the unknown can become a larger-than-life Beastie waiting to consume and destroy.
The unknown doesn’t need to be “somewhere out there”; over the rainbow. It can hide deep within. Somewhere in the dark crevasses of our heart there linger creatures with sharp, knife-like teeth and 6″ claws waiting to rip us apart and discard our hearts like so much refuse.
At least, that’s what it can feel like.
Emotions and passions steam and roil like liquid in a witch’s cauldron. “Eye of newt, tongue of bat, and a drop of virgin’s blood.” Ha ha ha!!!
What would happen, though, if we actually set our rudder Inward? Rather than searching the heavens or travelling to the edge of the world to find truth, we set a course for the deepest recesses of our own heart? Would we find beasties there just waiting to rip us apart? Would we find some kind of Heaven with angelic choruses singing Beethoven?
Or, would we find a light? Gentle as a child who needs to be held and honored and cherished? Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not advocating for that ‘Inner Child,’ New Age stuff. But, I am calling for an interior reckoning that so few of us undertake.
My own recent experiences with emotional upheaval, (more like 9.2 quake followed by 50 ft. tsunami), bears some of this out. I am beginning to understand that as much as I really need a person in whom I can confide and share my thoughts and feelings with, I am also required to do the hard and necessary interior explorations.
Yeah, there may be beasties in there. I need to confront those and deal with them. But, who knows? Maybe in the end I’ll find the lurking dragons more like “Puff” than Godzilla.
On Saturday we went to a small town in North Central Ohio. We went there in order to celebrate the life of one my aunts who passed late last winter. It seems that the only time we all get together anymore is when someone ‘walks on.’
I hope to share some of my reflections on this gathering later this week. Today, however, I want to touch on just one point of being “Family.”
We wanted our side of the family to all be present for this. It would be good for everyone to touch base. However, my son had to work. So, we picked up his wife and our grandson and headed southwest.
This would be the first time our grandson had met most of these folks. We’re not exactly active when it comes to keeping up.
As we were driving, he became a bit impatient because it takes about an hour and a half to get to the place. And, he’s not used to sitting still in a car for that long. Plus, I think he may have been just a tad nervous about what was going to happen.
We drove past old, rusted hulks of cars and farm equipment, falling down barns, and acre after acre of soy bean and oats ripening in the Autumn sun. After a while his Mother asked if he would like to live out here. “No,” he replied, “there’s nothing to do.” Yep, the response you’d expect from a 9 yr. old from the city.
When we arrived the room was filling up with a lot of people. My Aunt and Uncle’s family is well-known in this tiny burg out in the middle of nowhere.
We greeted everyone and began to rekindle long smoldering relationships and introducing our grandson. Soon, he was sitting quietly with his mother playing something on his phone.
Now, I was a bit concerned that he would become bored and restless and start getting antsy. But, he remained calm for the duration of the celebration.
After, we all went to one of my cousin’s home to continue catching up. My cousin’s home is on a small lake where he keeps a boat. Some of the other kids were down by the water fishing and hanging out. So, I asked him if he’d like to go down and have look.
We walked down to the dock where the boat was tied up. He got aboard and steadied himself on the gently rolling deck. He got to watch some of the kids reel in a few fish. He helped them keep track of their bait and, pretty much, observe. This was a completely new experience for him.
Soon, my cousin decided to take some of the kids out on the boat so they could do some tubing. My wife went and took our grandson with her. They watched as all of the kids took their turn being dragged across the surface of the water, bouncing and swerving over the wake. Soon, all of the kids had a turn except for our grandson. He has no experience being in the water like that. When the other kids started to say that it was his turn, my wife said that he looked like a deer caught in headlights. My cousin noticed and said, “It’s ok. Maybe next time.” They returned to shore.
Soon after I noticed him out in the large yard playing games with some of the other kids. Pretty amazing how kids just sort of ‘get it’ when it comes to playing together.
When it was finally time to leave, we said our goodbyes and started the trip home. It had been a long day for all of us and we were quite ready to get home to rest.
As we were driving he said, “I never knew that I had so much family.” Yeah, that’s pretty much it.
Family.
His mother asked him again if he would like to live out there.
In the car for my morning commute, my mind sometimes wanders into strange and mystical places. Today I found myself considering a strange word. One that is tossed about without a second thought. A word that I think may be one of the most misunderstood, and frequently ignored, in our language.
That word is “Vow.”
Merriam-Webster defines it:
“a solemn promise or assertion
specifically: one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition.“
As I considered this word, I began to wonder why we use it. Some religious sects use it to bind individuals into some kind of ‘priesthood’ or other religious community like a monastery or convent. This, they claim, binds the person into service, (servitude?), for life. (Sometimes with devastating effect. But, that’s another story.)
Others swear vows of chastity until a certain time or event, like marriage. There are those who “swear off” alcohol, tobacco, or other substances that they consider harmful to their life and well-being.
Some courts of law require that witnesses get “sworn in,” vowing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
But, my mind led me to consider those vows that one may make at a young age that are considered binding for life. Because, I don’t really think that these are either helpful or realistic in real life.
It’s been said by people way smarter than I am that the only thing that is completely constant is change. People grow. Environment changes. Opinions are altered over time. Our journey is not static by any means.
So, if as a young man I swear to abide by certain vows, when I grow older and the world in which I live moves on, I may find myself stuck between growing with the world or holding on to some words that I spoke in a different time and place. I am not talking about ‘fairness.’ As in, that wouldn’t be fair. No, I’m talking about reality.
In recent years there has been a lot of news about certain clergy abusing others. Others who are usually most vulnerable to abuse. The shame and condemnation that are felt by all involved can be horribly devastating. Here is a person who Swore and Oath, who Made a Vow! Look at what has happened!
Now, not only is the innocent victim traumatized by this and may never recover fully. But, the Vow has been shown to be false and meaningless.
My question is, why make it in the first place?
Jesus, himself, told people NOT to swear or make oaths. He said that folks should simply say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when asked whether they would do something. Yet, we continue to insist on swearing and making oaths that there in no way can possibly be honored until death. The world doesn’t sit still for anyone.
Would it not be better to enter into a community or vocation or some other institution with intent to follow and live according to whatever conventions are in place until such time as the world turns? Then, with all seriousness and consideration be able to say, “It’s time. Time for me to move on. Time for me to move away from the temptations that plague me and deal with who I am and what I am Now called to do. And, most importantly, to be able to do that with honor and dignity. To be blessed by those who we’ve shared a short season with. To grow with the world without the shame and guilt that comes from “breaking the Vow.”
When I was child I ran around the yard with my friends in the Summertime Evening.
We chased an elusive, yellow glow floating between heaven and earth.
Caught!
Opening my small-boy hand, I peer at the tiny creature walking along the Life Line of my palm.
Pulsating glow.
0ne-Two; On-Off.
Pulse of Life coursing through my veins.
One-Two; On-Off
“You wear your glow on the outside,” says I.
“Your is hidden within,” replies my glowing friend. “Let it out! Shine your Living Glow! Bring Happiness to the One to whom the Inner Beacon calls. Join the chorus of Joy and Praise as we All shine!
Why is sadness a bad thing? Should we all always allineate with the herd? Fish find fluid fine to breathe, That is their reality; their particular world. What if sadness is mine? The air that circulates in my lungs; The Oxygen coursing through my veins Bringing life to the cells that structure this frame? Who are you, Happy Person, to judge my reality?
Yes, tears stand ready to serve me at a drop of the hat. And, yes, my throat tightens and constricts when I gaze at you. What makes that any different than the derision that you Hold for me that erupts in guffaws and laughter?
No! You don’t get to judge my world. But, I will hold yours responsible for the Hurt; the damage and destruction that your Unreasoning judgment has wrought on me And those who limp through this existence Like I do.
My sadness is my crown and You cannot take it from me.
