We Can Never Go Back, But Maybe Forward Is OK

I chose Woody Woodpecker because, well, IT’S WOODY FREAKIN’ WOODPECKER!

Recently, my family took a trip to Universal, Orlando. I really didn’t want to go to Florida, but the trip was already booked and paid for. We did have a good time. Although, the weather was cool and cloudy by Florida standards. With my Ohio blood I wore shorts and tees most of the time. Fifty degrees is plenty warm enough to stand in lines for hours.
The trip was pleasant. It was really good to spend time with our adult kids. We haven’t done a “family vacation” for almost 20 years. We rode rides and ate way too much. The Volcano Nachos at Margaritaville were great!
On our way home, my wife and I had the pleasant opportunity to stop and visit some old friends who had moved out of state a bunch of years ago. Since they live close to the route we drove, it seemed like a good thing to catch up. It was good. Much has changed, besides our age. We’re all a little grayer and more wrinkled.
Physical appearances weren’t the only things that changed. Our worldviews and outlooks on life have, well, I guess you could say matured.
We all came out of the same Fundagelical milieu that I’ve written about before. We were all deeply affected by that world. We all have, somehow, escaped from there. We had various forms of leadership within the closed box that we helped to build. Our story goes back to the very beginning. To that time in the early 1970’s Jesus Movement. Yeah, we had some things to talk about.
I’ve written about how that world is extremely authoritarian. Yeah, we built that. The ‘church’ we built was, in a word, cultish. And, above all, we were certain that everything that we did was God’s will and, therefore, RIGHT! We couldn’t even conceive of our being wrong. We were building God’s Kingdom on earth. While at the same time, preparing to evacuate the world when the Rapture took us all to some disembodied heavenly bliss. Yeah, I know, good stuff!
Part of our main focus became our families. We who were husbands had the responsibility for running a tight ship. Our wives were indoctrinated, er, encouraged to submit to their husband’s authority as head of the household. Children, of course, had no say in anything. They were taught to obey all authority.
As parents it was our prime directive to ‘raise up our children in the way of the Lord.’ Besides the obvious heavy-handed discipline we were encouraged by our leaders impart, we were also instructed to make sure that those pliable little minds were taught all of the good things that the Bible said. (Although, much of what we taught as Bible was merely our own interpretation. So, it was ‘Biblical,’ not really the Bible.)
So, when we talked about things like the so-called ‘Rapture’ we were preparing our children to totally freak out when we didn’t come home exactly when we told them we would. They were left to wonder whether the rapture had happened and they had been left behind. Hell, I had those fears as an adult! I can’t imagine what a 10 year old might think.
When a leader would expressly target young people with the threat of damnation and hell-fire if they didn’t keep there sexual purity as pure as those leaders thought it should be. Or, just as evil, to threaten that same fire if they did not make the right decision to ‘give their lives to Christ and be born again.’
There are passages in the Bible that were regularly taught as God’s own truth that truly are NSFW. Yet, we fed our children a continuous diet of this. We tried our best to indoctrinate them to the truth.
And, we failed. Miserably.
What we did to our children falls under the heading of Child Abuse. Of course, we had no idea at the time. We thought that we were offering the best of love to them. To prepare them to walk in faith. To raise those godly children to become godly adults. Yeah, not so much.
The reason that I’m even writing this is because of the fact that I see the marks of abuse in my own kids. There is distrust in anything religious. Church is a dangerous place. And, God? Well, we taught them that their parents were God’s representative in their lives. Just like the Elders and leaders of the church were God’s voice to the church. So, yeah, God’s not necessarily their bff.
As my friend and I talked that evening we tried to console ourselves by confessing that we really did try to do our best. We had no idea that what we were doing was so damaging. What could we have done differently in the cultural context in which we lived?
Actually, I think that we could have done a lot. There were red flags that were ignored. Other voices of family and friends were there for us to listen to. Yet, we ignored them as the voices of the Tempter trying to knock us off of the path to Glory.
We didn’t talk about what we might do now to try and repair the damage. We are all working on that in our own ways. But, is there something that families that were part of such cults can do as, say, reparations? Can we ever repay to our children what we stole from them? Their childhoods? Their innocence? Their trust?
The only response I have is that I know that I have changed direction. I’ve turned away from all that world has. It’s evil.
I’ve learned my own limitations. I’m no longer certain about, well, anything. I’m just a fallible meat head like so many others.
I also have learned to accept my kids for who they are. They are, in fact, whole humans who are image bearers of God. And, I love them for that.
I know that I’m rambling a lot. Maybe trying to offer this story as some sort of penance for being an asshole.
I also know that there are still people living in these religious environments where these abuses are still happening. Many more children, (and adults), are being indoctrinated to hate in the name of God. Maybe, just maybe, some of them may read this and be encouraged to walk away from the abuse.
That would be good.