Up Periscope!!!

Sorry I didn’t get to post anything yesterday. I was a bit, er, well, indisposed.
You see, it was time for my quinquennial colonscopy.
YIPPEE!!!
What Fun!!!
What Joy!!!

Why quinquennial?
Well, about 15 years ago I had a routine, “You just turned 50. So, it’s time for a scope,” thing. The doc found and removed a couple of polyps. Apparently, that is an automatic advancement to the high-risk queue. So, instead of a routine once-a-decade check, I get to go every 5 years.
Lucky me.

Me being Me, however, I skipped my last one. After all, the 2 in between had shown no new polyps. No worries, then.
So, even though I was due in 2018, I waited til now.
We’ll see if that was a good thing some other time.
For now, it is what it is.

Anyway, (I always imagine Ellen crossing her black and white saddle shoes when I write that), Sunday I spent prepping for the procedure.
Now, I don’t know how many of you have had the pleasure of this experience. If not, well, you have something special to look forward to.
Basically, you get to take some kind of hellish liquid that flushes your system so that the Doc can get a nice, clean view of your colon.
I’ve done this a few times before. So, I wasn’t really expecting too much trouble. Expectations aren’t always realized.
I began the process about 6 P.M. Sunday. After about an hour things seemed to be progressing nicely. At least, according to plan.
Shortly after that optimistic assessment, the nausea kicked in.
I gotta tell ya…I don’t remember that last time I was that sick.
Both ends. Not fun.
And, in the midst of this I finally found out what time I was to report to the facility for the scope. I had planned on an early morning event because Cleveland Clinic’s MyChart told me that it was scheduled for 6 A.M.
Well, that was wrong.
The actual time was to show up at 11 A.M. for a Noon procedure.
Ok, I’m sick. I’m prepping for an early morning scope. I find out that it’s going to be much later.

I went to bed.

So what if Jaylo was on.
It was time to sleep.

Well, I got up yesterday feeling much better, thank you very much.
I started the last installment of the prep at 8.
Thankfully, I didn’t have a repeat of the night before.

We got to the facility on time and waited.
My doc was already 30 minutes behind schedule.

This just keeps getting better and better! Right?

Eventually, they took me back.

Versed. What can I say?
It’s the best medication ever invented.
It, alone, almost makes these trips worthwhile.

Once the Versed began it’s miraculous work, it was time.
I swear that every gastroenterologist should be required to say, “Up Periscope” when they begin a colonoscopy. It would be so appropriate.

After the doc finished violating me, I was wheeled back to post-op until I could stand up and the room wasn’t doing cartwheels.

How did things turn out?
Well, you’re just gonna have to wait on that.
After all, I’m gonna need a topic for another post!