I think that we have the makings of a pretty amazing comedy!
We can call it, “The Life and Times of An Average Guy.”
It will tell the story of a person who led the most average kind of life you could imagine.
Married; Kids; Soccer; Work…you know, Average.
Then, after nearly 50 years in the Average work force, earning average wages after average daily commutes, this average guy decides it’s time to take his average retirement.
No biggie.
Average.
With a capital “A.”
Then, two months before said retirement he goes for an Average, Routine health exam and all of that Average stuff that he had been accumulating over the Average years of his Average life was suddenly thrown into the spin cycle of the Cosmic Washing Machine.
Shit.
Here’s the latest update.
I wrote yesterday that I had met with the surgeon who is going to perform the necessary surgery to remove the cancer in my colon.
He told me that he is going to put a few holes in my abdomen and remove about 12″ of my colon.
Of course, this is still contingent on the MRI that I mentioned yesterday.
I should be in hospital 3-5 days, or until the newly routed plumbing begins to function.
Then, I was told that I could return to work in 5 weeks.
FIVE WEEKS!!!!
I told them that I just sit in front of a computer all day.
They said, “Oh. Ok, 4 weeks.”
Taken by itself that doesn’t sound too bad. After all, I will be recovering from a major surgery. And, when they put holes in your belly, that can be real painful for a long time.
I get it.
But….
That time restriction takes me right up to my retirement date.
So, what that means is that the 7 weeks that I had planned for is suddenly 2 1/2.
It means that the time I have to train my replacement is cut.
Ok, we can deal with that.
It also means that I won’t have a paycheck coming in for that entire month.
That is more difficult to deal with.
Fortunately, the powers-that-be at the company I work for are going to work with me to see what options are available.
Do you want to know how I feel right now?
No, I didn’t think so.
I’m not even sure how I feel.
I’m being swept forward by a tsunami of Not Average Events that are really screwing up my Very Average Life.
Oh, we’ll get through it.
But, it’s gonna take an Above Average Effort.
Which part of the intestines are being snipped – large or small? A foot off the small version isn’t a lot, but it’s a bit more problematic if it’s the large one. At least they’re talking laparoscopic surgery.
Ascending colon.
The doc went over the procedure with me. Yeah, it’s about a third of the colon that’ll be tossed in the trash.